Does anyone have experience of residential treatment where an older child has remained at home with dad? How did this work out?

[Baglady1]

My friend has a baby and a toddler. It is the toddler relationship that involves biggest fears for her. If she goes into a mother&baby unit only the baby can be there with her. Can anyone give advice/encouragement on options?

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Baglady, this isn't something I have experience of I'm afraid, but hope that others can offer some info more specifically. I can only speak for the time when my baby was with my partner whilst I was in gen psych ward then MBU; this was for a few weeks (not sure exactly I'm afraid), and my baby was with me in the MBU full-time after a month or so of being there I think. I didn't see any other Mums there but it's maybe worth getting in touch with the particular MBU and asking how family visits could work? It may be possible for the toddler to see them there, but I guess this might also not be what anyone wants either. Other professionals such as GPs or CPNs might be able to assist with some fact finding to try and allay her fears. Does your friend have this involvement already in place? Sorry not to be more help, but hope it all works out for them, take care - and feel free to pop in for any other questions you or your friend may have, also have a look on the historic ones, as there may be some info there.

[Baglady1 in reply to Hannah_at_APP]

Hi thanks so much for sharing your experience! She is in the MBU now with baby and her toddler is visiting each day but we're taking it a day at a time. The GP and health visitor were useless, unfortunately, but at least at the MBU they seem very aware of the complexity.

[EmmiLou Volunteer]

Hi Baglady,

Unfortunately, I have no experience of this either, as I had PP with my first child.

I can imagine that your friend has so many fears about the relationship with her toddler but try and reassure her that her time in the MBU is only going to be for a short period of time. It is better for her to get well in the MBU with the help of the staff.

How is your friend coping in the MBU? Has she had any other support?

I spent 8 week's in an MBU and when I was there many of the other mother's who had other children saw them a couple of times a week or at the weekend. It's great that her toddler has been visiting each day. That will really help.

I am sorry that your health visitor and GP have not been very helpful. I have found that when dealing with PP it is better that the professional has experience of this. Some GPs and health visitors have not seen cases of PP before. I hope that the staff on the MBU are keeping your friend and her family informed.

Please ask any more questions that you have. We are all here should you and your friend need any more support or advice.

Take care.

Em. x

[Baglady1 in reply to EmmiLou]

Thank you! She's just arrived there so it's early days. But she is clearly seeing quite a few professionals and has 2 dedicated nurses. She has been able to rest more, but is worried that she'll be kept there. I've tried to reassure her that it's the best place to get well. I'll get in touch if new issues come up. It is great to have the support of people on the forum.

[EmmiLou Volunteer]

I'm pleased to hear that she is seeing professionals and it is great to have a dedicated nurse too. It is very important that your friend is resting, as having PP is very exhausting.

It is definitely the best place for your friend and it is great that she is having visitors. Though I found it best not to have too many people visit especially during the psychotic stage.

Keep reassuring your friend that she will get better.

Ask her if there is anything she would like to do on the ward ie. reading, making cards, colouring in, crafts. It may sound silly but sometimes whilst on the MBU it is nice to have something to focus on. I know her time will be taken up with the baby ie. changing, feeding etc but in between this, time on an MBU can be pretty boring.

Hope your friend continues to improve. Take each time as it comes.

x

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi again, good to hear that things seem to be going OK for your friend in the MBU. Your support to her is really invaluable too. I loved seeing my best friend - she used to bring me nail varnish, trashy mags and all the girly stuff we always do, which was great. It can be boring, so there's some good suggestions there from Emmilou too. I also tried to spend a bit of time recording memories of my baby when I felt better, it's easy to forget all the things you plan to do with a newborn, and then things aren't as you imagine and it gets lost. Some things can't be the same, but you can always try and normalise when she's feeling up to it. Rest is really important too, and having the named nurses and professionals' input will help things along I'm sure. Having little goals (I remember making up bottles myself the first time, then doing some washing, taking plates back to the canteen, things like that) can help with seeing her progress for herself. Like you say, it really is the best place to get well and it won't be forever. Take care (all of you) and feel free to pop back when it's useful.