Unheard

[Sophia1985]

I’m interested to know why no one has actually responded to the post I wrote....

[AnxietySterling]

I just replied to your previous post

[Hidden]

Hi Sophia.

Just replied to your previous post, I’d not seen it before..

I think sometimes it’s just how it goes, certainly not personal when you don’t get a reply...can understand how it felt..

Sometimes are busier than others here. Could be that..

Wanted to send good wishes to you x

[Sophia1985 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, that’s really kind of you x

[Hidden in reply to Sophia1985]

No problem 😊🌺🌺

[Calm_mama]

Hi Sophia!

The Anxiety and Depression board is a little more active. Maybe try posting over there! Don't take it personally- there are some days where things are just a little slow

[hypercat54]

Hi it can be quiet on here and at some times more than others. The thing to remember is no one is paid to answer posts and sometimes those who do answer a lot need more than they can give.

I know you have only been here a few days but maybe you could see if you could help anyone else? Often that makes us feel better about ourselves. x

[Sophia1985 in reply to hypercat54]

Hi, thank you for your response, I really appreciate it x

[Beevee]

Sophia. Relationship anxiety is very common. You may find it helpful by visiting a website called Conscious Transitions. Essentially, it is all about accepting the thoughts and feelings and letting them go. I suffered with relationship anxiety but from the other end. I feared that I did not love my wife. It took time for me to realise that the love was still there, it was just buried beneath the symptoms of anxiety, leaving no room for those loving feelings to be there. I spent ages stressing about it and fuelling my anxiety which kept it all going. How can someone feel love when their minds were full of fear?

Anyhow, I slowly started to understand that those fearful thoughts were just my anxious mind going into overdrive and conjuring up lots of catastrophic thoughts. They weren’t a true reflection of what was happening in reality and I learned to ignore them. By letting those thoughts go and not entertaining them, they gradually disappeared. All my old thoughts and feelings returned and if I honest, my feelings towards my wife are stronger than ever, thanks to the experience.

[Sophia1985]

Hi, thank you so much for your message; interesting to know that it can actually happen from the other side too, i never even thought of it as relationship anxiety but that’s exactly what it is. You’re right though I am trying to just see my thoughts as just that; thoughts. I’m not used to being loved so to me it feels scary and I just self sabotage, push him away before he can hurt me. I’ve started counselling with relate so I’m sure that will help and thank you for the website too, I will definitely have a look. Thank you for your response and I’m really glad things are better for you x

[Beevee]

Open your heart. Whatever might have happened in the past, is in the past. You cannot change it. What you can change is how you do things from now on. Just because you feel anxious does not mean you must get out of a relationship or sabotage it. Far from it. It is an opportunity for you to grow and for the relationship to develop on a much more meaningful basis. Some might call it true love. Just because you may have been hurt previously does not mean you will be hurt again. There is a trade off for being in love and that is if something happens, it will feel bad for a while.

I work in the financial services industry (stop yawning). If an investment product is being advertised, promising great returns for your money, it must carry a warning along the lines of “Past performance is no guide to future performance.” The same also applies to being in love. Don’t judge your relationship on what might have happened in the past and open your heart. A poor analogy but the best I can come up with on a cold, wet Thursday night. We are conditioned to believe that everything must be perfect, including relationships. Our expectations are higher than ever so it’s easy to run for the hills when those expectations are not met. Beauty really is only skin deep. It’s what inside that really matters. Looks fade, but the beauty inside will always be there.

Sorry, I’m digressing quite badly here. I suppose I’m trying to say that anxiety didn’t mean the relationship had to end. It taught me a helluva lot about myself and the way I look at things. I appreciate the smaller things in life, like my bank account. Ha ha. Seriously, overcoming anxiety was an invaluable experience and I genuinely feel grateful for it.

[Agora1 in reply to Beevee]

Love it Beevee, a little humor with some serious advice.

[Beevee in reply to Agora1]

Thanks Agora1 ♥️

My wife said she wished she had married someone who was wealthy. I told her I would have been wealthy if we hadn’t met 🤣

[Agora1 in reply to Beevee]

You crack me up lol

[Sophia1985 in reply to Beevee]

Thank you so much beehive, your kind (and funny) words put a smile on my face and make a lot of sense. The less I give my thoughts attention the better I feel. My husband is an amazing man (sorry for the cheesiness) and I’m extremely lucky so the more I stop thinking something bad will happen the more I just feel myself and not so anxious. It’s helped me the last couple of days so thank you again for your words. X

[Sophia1985 in reply to Sophia1985]

I know my journey is still a long one but I feel now I have the tools to help x

[Beevee in reply to Sophia1985]

Nothing cheesy about your feelings. It does take time but you will get there. Just remember, you have no control over all those random thoughts that pop into your head. They only feel important because they are laden with anxiety and almost force you to sit up and take notice. But you have a choice in terms of how you deal with them. Leave them be and they will gradually lose their ability to frighten you and disappear or give them lots of attention which feeds your anxiety. Obviously, the latter is the best choice! They are only thoughts, and they do not define who you are as a person.

, or your partner, for that matter.

It sounds as though you have a keeper, so learn to just let those negative thoughts go. And if he has the same feelings towards you, I don’t think he will be going anywhere.

Just don’t forget to send me the invite to your wedding 😉

[Sophia1985 in reply to Beevee]

Thank you, you’re right. I give the thoughts so much power that they have taken over for so many years. Once they lose that power it will (hopefully) become so much easier. He is definitely a keeper.

we’ve already had our wedding so if we renew our vows then definitely there’s an invite

[Want2BHappy3]

Don't take it personal, I've written and many times no one's written me back. It could be there are too many to write back? As for me,. I pick and choose depending if I can relate or if the person is suicidal, most times I won't write back if the letters are too LONG.... Sorry to say.

[Sophia1985 in reply to Want2BHappy3]

I think I was just at a loss as I was really struggling and needed some friendly help. The post wasn’t long to me as I just wrote exactly how I felt in that moment