I've changed, I used to be a confident human being. Everyday I would find a joy to keep me going in life. Life was beautiful... I praised the beauty of life. I was never afraid to try or fail. I had so much energy & love toward myself & for others. Until, I started working in a nursing home. My life will never be the same as much as I try I can't be that human who would faced fear in all circumstances before I saw the reality of how we all end up in life. All I saw was pain, we deteriorate slowly, organ don't function correctly, body odor turns horrible, our skin also gets wrinkled & in cases open sores. I see humans showing beauty & makeup & I just wonder how in the future they will look. We are living in a perfectionist world today & we are not near close to being perfect in this world. Every day we are creating pollution & forgetting the reality of life. Life is a living pain. Ask yourself, which person in a nursing home will you end up like.... a 100 year old, bed compounded, immobile, depend on diapers, memory issues. It all ends. I just can't see life the same anymore. I get so depressed when I surround myself in this environment. I had to quit nursing, it's was depriving me so much I couldn't even get out of bed. I'm still depressed because my mind flashes back to everything I've gone through & all the health deseases & conditions I faced. Not only that but I helped others so much, I'm so sensitive but no dumb, even though we age many caretakers were so lazy & it depresses me because someday we all will age and I hope if I make it to an old age I find a good caretaker... I just hope I don't get that far it would be such a heart break to face daily for myself. We would get patients and many would tell me "I never knew how hard it would get to be old & all the work required & I never been in my life been in a nursing home" in my head I would be like your lucky you faced a nursing home this old... being 20years old and seeing it and working in it gave a a big suck of my life's energy. I just wish I never saw this world so early... but God wanted me too it's just so sad how many don't know that saving life's is beautiful but living in tortured pain is not & being an old age there's only a few changes to get. I wish I could not think this way.