Loss of interest

[Frenchies4Ever]

I joined because I have no interest in anything. I am an empty nester after devoting my life to raising my kids and building my career. Now that my kids are grown and gone and I retired, I feel like I have no purpose. I tried to find volunteer work to do but we live so far out in the country that their is really nothing available. I just feel lost and unmotivated.

[TeaOwl]

I can relate to this. I’m also struggling with being an almost empty nester. I have one kid in college and one who will graduate hs next year. I’ve been mostly a stay at home mom for so long that I don’t know what I am without having to do things for kids all the time. I don’t want to go back into my previous profession, but I don’t know what else to do. I have hobbies… I like to garden (but it’s winter), and do various art/craft things. I know I have purpose to serve my husband and aging parents, but something is missing. I just wanted to say I understand your feeling of lost and lack of motivation. I didn’t realize it would be this hard, and lonely

[Gramas]

I completely understand how you feel as my situation is the same. My son lives on his own and I am retired and feel lonely and isolated. I don’t feel like I have a purpose in life anymore. I’ve also lost interest in everything and find it hard to do the simplest tasks.

I think it would be helpful to find something you have a passion for in life and pursue that. The problem sometimes is identifying what that is and following through with it. I have yet to find it.

The important thing is to know you’re not alone in how you feel. I’m right there with you. Feel free to reach out anytime.

[Frenchies4Ever in reply to Gramas]

Thank you for replying. The simplest tasks seem to be the hardest. I have taken up gardening and this weekend will be starting seeds indoors. I have dogs to care for. Outside of that, I find myself asking, "What's the point?" I am so very glad to have found this website and know I am not the only one feeling these things.

[Gramas]

I totally agree with you as I find the simplest tasks the hardest as well. I feel as if I just don’t have the energy or motivation to get them done. So while I put them off, stuff just keeps piling up. I found the only way they get done is if I force myself.

I like your idea of starting seeds indoors. I could do that as well as I’m always late in planting my garden. Do you have a big garden in the summer?

Sorry I’m not much help. I’m trying to figure out how to motivate myself but having a hard time. Hopefully we could help each other.

[Frenchies4Ever in reply to Gramas]

I am just putting in a raised bed garden with tomatoes and green peppers, small stuff. I started some of them 2 weeks ago and they are poking thru the soil. Starting the rest this weekend. Guess I needed something to care for and look after!☺️ But most of the time I am bored to death and find myself sleeping to get away from everything.

seedlings

[Gramas in reply to Frenchies4Ever]

The garden sounds nice. I just do small stuff too. Usually tomatoes and cucumbers. I don’t know what happened last year but all of a sudden my plants just died. I didn’t get one tomato or cucumber. I’ve never had that happen before. I will try again this year but if it happens again I not planting a garden anymore.

I’m with you. Most of the time I’m bored to death too which just worsens my depression. I wish I could sleep but I just can’t during the day I don’t know why. I’m trying to think of something worthwhile to do but even if I come up with something I lack the motivation to do it.

Can you send the pic again? It came through as all black.

[Frenchies4Ever in reply to Gramas]

wow. It won't let me post the pic. It was just my tomato plants I started indoors 2 weeks ago. If I find the motivation I will start cukes and squash this weekend.

[User315]

Honestly I can relate somehow even despite the different facts that I’m younger, a male, and no kids. I don’t feel like doing whatever I really do ever. I just do it because it’s “good” yk. You could maybe do online volunteer stuff, not sure if that’s interesting but i could list some examples if wanted. I’m not sure how much you’d enjoy walks or if you’re able to with where you’re at. Maybe you could try to find some people similar to your interests and talk about stuff online. May be hard but I dunno

[Frenchies4Ever in reply to User315]

I have looked into volunteer work but we are so far out in the country there is nothing within an hour of me. I do enjoy the outdoors and walking especially. But here in northern PA it is only in the teens. I am trying to get up and get going but everything seems pointless.

[User315 in reply to Frenchies4Ever]

Yea I definitely feel that. I probably shouldn’t because I’m so young but feel like I’ve done a lot. Idk if you believe in God but that may be something of interest since it’s very complex but simple. Do you think you just need something to do? Something to enjoy? A new hobby? If you found that do you think it would help?

[Blearyeyed in reply to Frenchies4Ever]

Are there no Community Groups that meet up in the town nearest to you that you could join, even for an interest you haven't tried before.How big is your garden ?

As an empty nester do you still like being around small children?

My friends grandparents helped with teaching children about gardening at the local school , raising funds for a school veggie garden and a local set of raised boxes " honesty veg boxes" which they organised a group of volunteers to look after.

They also used to go into school to help on the " reading programme" .

I know lots of people whom have joined the University of the Third Age, it's international, sounds a bit "hippie" but it's actually an amazing organisation for older people when you can go to talks by other members with skills of everything from bridge engineering to orchid rescue, they have some online things you might be interested in.

I know a lot of people whom tried dipping their toe into doing courses they had always fancied doing , trying the free online courses first , then many did online University or Art courses. The online courses have chat rooms with other students , and you can make some good friendships on there.

These courses are also really good for people whom might need to build up confidence speaking to new people as well. My friend recently graduated with an MA in Creative Writing.

My daughter's were Home Schooled by me , they began doing free online courses now one lives in London and works as a Prop Maker in the Film Industry ( she's worked on most of the recent Marvel films) my other daughter is a part time costume maker, and has a little crochet business on Etsy . So courses can open up doors as well as helping to keep your mind stimulated at home.

I am what is called an Empty Nester in the sense that my children have now left but my husband is still in full time work.

I have lots of physical health conditions and live in a rural community that makes it harder to get to things.

I was a professional Land and Nature Artist but can't do the physical work anymore ( can't even get into the workshop or studio for very long);

but I adapted , and improved my photography skills and I'm a member of various online photography communities, I have had some awards and exhibitions, I've even had some Commissions and I share my new found skills with locals on walks in nature with cameras teaching them how to create art photography from what we see.

Your passions can evolve now you have more time for yourself , how far you evolve them or what you discover is up to you which is an amazing feeling. You can start small and grow your passions and interests into whatever is comfortable for you , even if there isn't anything nearby , you can create that too. You may find that when your children call that they will need to fit in a day when you are free to visit rather than the other way around.

I always kept hold of the things I did and enjoyed some time alone as they were growing up so it made it easier , and it probably sounds terrible , but quite enjoyable when they all left the house and it freed up more time for me doing " Me " things after decades of mainly helping them to achieve their things.

I hope you find what makes this a special time for you too, take care , Bee

[Ticktick]

I can relate 😥Sending love hugs and prayers

Take care ❤️

[SsgCulldelight]

Hey that's weird because most people long for that level of nature and isolation, it can be tough since we are social creatures like most animals, you should remember what you loved as a child music, singing, arts n crafts, woodwork, cars drawing writing whatever, use that to get started on focus and did accomplishments, then seek out others that have like our similar intrests, you be a surprised pleasantly at who's out there and would love to connect. One thing though, yet not to make it KNOWN that you have medical issues of the bat, that can draw sympathy, empathy, condescension and a host of other prejudices that you don't want infecting the relationship. So, we got that out the way now you have homework sir. Funny how we're once a man twice a child, we only want bigger more expensive things and places but the premise is the same😇 Cheers friend.