Connections

[history-nerd]

I'm just looking to connect with others that have gone/going through depression. While, I have a wonderful friend and she tries to be supportive, but she's never experienced depression. I manage to keep people at arm's length. They're never really more than acquaintance, I know why I do that. I digress... Anyway, I'm looking for people that understand the difference between depression and sadness.

[Daesin]

You found us.

[Hidden]

I suffer from major depression and need connection to others suffering the same fate too.

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Hidden]

Don’t think of it as fate. It is a challenge, but not fate.

[Hidden in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

It definitely is a challenge. I think I’d rather be physically “challenged” than mentally. I know that’s awful to think, but to me, having my sanity is much more appealing.

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Hidden]

I get it. Right now, I have both. Be ok with not being ok all of the time. Shoot for small steps and really dig for a positive spin on things. It amazes me how my friend can always reframe a negative thing into a positive thing. Sometimes I just need to hear him say it and my mood lifts.

[Hidden in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

Yes, I wish I could just reframe the negative into positive so easily…but I guess if I could do that, I wouldn’t be feeling like this. Lol. I just have this feeling of despair and I can’t get away from it.

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Hidden]

Reframing is not easy and not automatic. It takes reflection and a lot of talking so others can offer some reframing. For example, I started with a new life coach a few years ago. In my introduction, I called myself stubborn. He immediately restated what I said, but inserted "determined". Now I can't say stubborn without thinking determined.

[Hidden in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

Wish I had a friend like that. You’re very fortunate!

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Hidden]

Yes, I am.

[Lazy_dog_lover]

Welcome to the club. One thing I have learned is that you might have to be more specific with your friend as to how to support you. If you don’t need a fixer or analyzer, tell her what would help. Just a listener sometimes is enough. Keep looking at strategies for yourself. Know triggers. Know what soothes you. Keep talking and asking questions.

[history-nerd in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

Thank you for your advice. I appreciate it.

[samack]

I just need to be listened to. I don't need advice for my chronic major depression . I need a supportive ear. My friends think depression is like sadness and I can snap out at will. They are trying to be compassionate, but I can't talk anymore about my day to day, year after year nothingness. Its been a long haul, and I don't see it ending anytime soon..

[Hidden in reply to samack]

I understand and will listen the best I can. I get it. I feel alone in this too.

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to samack]

Do they know this?

[samack]

I've been told over and over that just being a good listener is enough when meeting new people. This is false in 2 ways. 1. When you don't have much to say you're boring and soon ignored.

2. You get bored just listening to them.

It takes all out of me to stick to it. I cry when I get home. Life with or crawling out of depression is painful.

[history-nerd in reply to samack]

Yes, it is.