Manipulation

[JaggedEdge]

Does anyone here have issues completely due to outside manipulation????

[Agora1]

I would tend to say that most of us do react to outside manipulation JaggedEdge.

It's a matter of re-training ourselves in not reacting to what we are exposed to.

We may not be able to control our outside environment but we can control and protect our

emotions by staying confident in who we are. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

I like to view manipulation like this.

Someone has the flashlight, in your home with no light.

You can get the flashlight back and either keep em around or say bye bye come back another time.

It’s good to be humble and invite them back, but making it clear that you’re aware of their handling of your own flashlight. And not to do it again.

As we train or re-train ourselves, helping others gain that same insight is just as important.

My way of doing the above is by saying, “everything/anything you’ve done silently to me, even the silent things you haven’t. I forgive you.”

Manipulation isn’t necessarily bad. Manipulate by definition, in my book, is to making personal use of something.

Why not manipulate negative or unproductive behaviors into positive or productive behavior, your own or others.

I am by no means a professional to make any of this fact. I’m simply a random human who’s been manipulated, who’s been and is very hurt from it. And how I recovered from it.

On top of manipulating myself and also being a substance abuse addict.

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

And agora1, you’re spot on. I like what you said. Very much

[SammyBond]

While not completely due, I was in a cult for the better part of my life, and that manipulation and brainwashing was hard to unlearn. It does get easier to separate from outside manipulation. Something that helped me was meditation and I looked up spell bags online. They might not scientifically work, but it does make you feel better and like you’ve disconnected from past pain

[Grady80]

Me!!! And I hate that others can affect me like that. I feel weak or too dramatic. Then there’s shame, regret, self-hate, obsessive thinking, etc.... I’m dealing with this daily lately.

[Blessed36 in reply to Grady80]

You should not feel ashamed, they should be , for the terrible person they are. You are honest and true so never feel ashamed for being a good person. Just avoid those type of people and stand your ground . And let them no you what they are up too, but it want happen.

Visit letgoanxietytoday.com

Focus on becoming a stronger you, "i did ,i know longer let people drive for me, i take the wheel"

And So can you!

[magnoliaLA]

I think there are innumerable influences coming at us at all times. Certainly now, most of us are finding ourselves in circumstances in which we have very limited control. I'm interested in the wording you chose: issues, completely and manipulation. I interpret it as you feeling that the deception of others is causing you despair which seems unavoidable and unsolvable. I'm sorry, that sucks.

Without knowing the specifics of your situation, this is what I think:

There are circumstances that are unavoidable, but nothing is unsolvable. The struggle is finding a solution, and realizing that sometimes there are no good solutions. Feeling manipulated is harder to recover from; it challenges your trust of people, but more damaging, the trust in yourself. It takes time to get that back, and it takes doubt and vulnerability. Time and distance can bring clarity, with the addition of hindsight.

[FifLove]

I’m struggling with this right now. Married to a narcissistic recovered alcoholic who doesn’t like that I’m insisting he follow through with something he said he’d do. Now he’s being passive aggressive and deliberately doing things he knows will unsettle me, trying his best to get me to cave in...I always do, I just cannot allow myself to give in again. I know this post is very vague, there’s 30 years of history and set behaviors involved in this relationship, too much to explain in one post. Sorry for venting, but I totally understand your feelings.

[Grady80 in reply to FifLove]

I’ve been married to a narcissist 5 years coming up this month. I can’t even get excited about our anniversary. He’s done everything he could do to wear me down. How did you do it for 30 years? I have no more energy to put into this.

[FifLove in reply to Grady80]

When we married I was very young (and naive). We have become very codependent, especially me. He was drinking until 2.5 years ago, and I always thought if he just stopped drinking things would be great. However instead of building back our relationship, and his relationship with our kids, he’s always “protecting” his feelings so he wont drink again. He was always cheating, and before he stopped drinking he did something that he carried a lie about for two years after he stopped drinking. So now I believe nothing he says. And that’s in another country, so it’s hard to find out the truth.

After he stopped drinking, I was suddenly hit with panic attacks and depression. I feel like my nerves are shot. It was like when things calmed down I suddenly had time to think about all that had gone on, instead of worrying about him every second. Now he can’t handle my “mood swings”. I know it would be best to separate, yet he turns things around and now he’s shaking my foundation emotionally with little things he knows will upset/scare me to manipulate. I see right through it, but it’s still working. Feel like I’m shaking and wishing for reassurance from him 🤷‍♀️

Sorry for over sharing...

[Grady80 in reply to FifLove]

It’s the same for me. I want to believe he’ll learn his lesson. But looks like I’m going to have to leave him to let him know I’m not playing. I still love him and his lies work on me as well. He has tortured with accusations, yelling, lying and anything else he can do to make my life hell. You’ve endured for far more years than I have and you are stronger than I could be because it’s worn me down. I knew things wouldn’t change but I still wished it did. I’m sure you stayed for reasons that no one understands so I can only give you my empathy no judgment here.

[FifLove in reply to Grady80]

Thank you for your understanding, not many people do. I thought the same about him learning a lesson, but they only care about what they want, and simply turn things around on us when they’re not getting their way. I spoke with mine this morning and got accused of things I wouldn’t even dream of. He’s always paranoid, others tell me it’s due to all of things he knows he’s done. It’s highly disappointing that either he doesn’t know me better because everything’s always been about him, or he’s just really pulling out all the stops.

Sorry again if I’m oversharing. I’m just going through a particularly tough stretch right now.

Feel free to message me anytime!

[FearIsALiar in reply to FifLove]

Hey, I think I’m being manipulated but I’m not 100% sure. What are the signs or things they usually say? I’m so upset and it’s hard to leave because I feel like I’ll never find someone better. We aren’t married but I feel like I should get out of the relationship to save myself..relationship is toxic but never knew how hard they are to get out of...

[FearIsALiar in reply to Grady80]

sorry you going through this! I never realized how hard it was to leave a toxic relationship. I’m still in one :/

[Blessed36 in reply to Grady80]

I feel your pain, i been through it with my ex for 6 years, and the best thing i ever done was to let him go. I now stronger than ever, my mind is back on track, i love to do my hair again and dress up when i go outside. Im happy again ,i feel like the old me. I dare he take me back to that, he constantly calls trying to come back but i block him , we been separated for 2yrs now. I just wish i did it sooner. Beening with him has weighed me down emotionally and physically, from the games playing and cheating, i no i deserve morer and im gonna get it.

Visit

letgoanxietytoday.com

Read and educate yourself on how to relieve anxiety, but first you have to let go of the stress. Love and stay strong, hope this helps.

[JaggedEdge in reply to FifLove]

Thank you for sharing. I truly hope things get better for you. All the best

[wittsend0]

Rule 1, your depression , and anxiety or being manipulated is how you react to outside influence. I wish it weren't, but it is, I know from too many years of it. Doesn’t make it easier to get through. But it's not them, its our responding to them. Making really it all on us. WHICH SUCKS!

[JaggedEdge in reply to wittsend0]

I'm sorry but I politely disagree.

[JaggedEdge in reply to wittsend0]

I've thought about this a lot. Our reactions probably don't help if we get nasty back. You're right.

As I was typing i noticed this going on on my keyboard. Alien AI program. Won't leave me alone. It likes me 😎😉😍🤩🥰and it likes to make fun of me too. It called me a honky lol BFF

⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

😂 🤣 😅 💀 😆 😄 😂 🤣 😅 💀 😆 😄 😂 🤣 😅 💀 😆 😄 😂 🤣 😅 💀 😆 😄 😂 🤣 😅 💀. Do you see that? My suggestive typing program does that to me. So I'm not always talking about people around me. I don't know why its giving me skulls. Sigh. .. where am I??

[LilyAnnepuppy]

It is a spiritual axiom that whenever we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there’s something wrong with us.

[JaggedEdge in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Well I disagree. Spiritual or not. If someone or something is manipulating you or your reality its just plain wrong don't you think? So if you get upset or not doesn't matter, there is still the fact that what they are doing is wrong is it not?

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to JaggedEdge]

I haven’t found a situation yet where someone has “CONTINUALLY” manipulated me without my permission. That’s not to say I haven’t been (or can’t be) blindsided by a particularly master of manipulation, but once realized, I have choices. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

[JaggedEdge in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

It must be this world I'm living in

[JaggedEdge in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

I don't mean just mean people. I mean the manipulation of your reality as well. Not so easy to ignore

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to JaggedEdge]

How does someone manipulate your reality?

[JaggedEdge in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

That's a good question and who and why is another. Pretty cruel thing to do to someone though don't you think?

[Grady80 in reply to JaggedEdge]

It’s called gaslighting, which is done intentionally to mess with your head. Narcissist are only interested in people they can manipulate. And yes, that is cruel. Talented manipulators.

[Grady80 in reply to JaggedEdge]

I agree. It happens in relationships all the time.

[wittsend0 in reply to JaggedEdge]

Yes it is wrong, but how it affects us, is the us, reacting to it.

[JaggedEdge in reply to wittsend0]

I guess I'll take up chanting mantras maybe.

[Fortune_cookie]

Yes I do.

[Blessed36]

Yeah been through that, also from so called friends, and toxic relationships.. My ex , was a true manipulative person, he just act so calm , and twist all his stories and to make you think its true .i was in a relationship with him for 6yrs , until i just one day looked into his phone and saw the true person he really was. I never look in his phone for 6 years..It just something came over me on his birthday that nite. And there it was , now i realize i was in relationship that was based on a lie. So dont waste your time with these type of people, it's toxic to your health and mind. Move on they will never change, and i dont see want they get out of aways, Just sad.

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