Telling a friend

[Britbrat2000]

So I told a friend a coulple of days ago about my anxiety and how bad it is... she constantly tried to connect her own experiences to mine like she knew exactly what I was going through and that it wasn't that bad. I don't know if that was just her way of trying to understand but it made me feel even worse, I now think even more that my problems aren't real and that I'm just being stupid. Now I don't really know how to act around her because I really think she didn't understand what I was trying to tell her. What do I do?

[Kdkbol2005]

You may want to show your friend the you tube video of Brene brown on empathy Vs sympathy maybe then she will understand more it has helped my family and friends understand a little bit more

[BonnieSue]

Kdkbol2005 may have a good idea. If the video shows a good description of your anxiety then that's a helpful picture of your problem. You talk about your communication problem with your friend but you don't describe your own anxiety very much at all. I don't think you realize how little you mention about it. Can you write about your anxiety and describe it more for us?

[Britbrat2000 in reply to BonnieSue]

For me anxiety is constantly thinking everyone hates me because of their reaction to something or not doing something because I'm afraid what other people might think and most of all thinking that I'm stupid for being sad because other people have it worse.

[BonnieSue in reply to BonnieSue]

Good job! That says it loud and clear, thank you! I wish I could set you free from caring about what other people think, but we live in a world where we interact with others and what they think does affect our lives. I wonder if you've been a prisoner to other people's opinions in a specifically overbearing way? It sure sounds like it.

I'm sorry to hear that you are sad/depressed because I know what that feels like and it's not good. Is it hard for you to get going in the morning? Or to stay going after you're up for awhile? Does every task look mountainous? Or just some tasks? And then you have the added anxiety of being afraid of what others may think about you if you do or don't do these tasks. What a burden! That thought never even occurs to me! How fortunate I am! How much a nuisance for you! Or worse than a nuisance...?

[Britbrat2000 in reply to BonnieSue]

I was bullied for almost a year in 7th grade and even though 4 years have passed since then I still think it really had an impact on how much I care what other people think about me. Before I never cared what I did or what other people thought and I always just thought it was because I moved across the world, but now I realised that being bullied had a much greater impact.

I now just recently lost the one friend that helped me through that time which makes everything so much worse and I used to have Volleyball practice which was always a way to forget everything and do what I love, but now I have a hurt knee and can't really play anymore so I don't ever really have something I look forward to or even something I do that gives me a reason why I even do get up.

[BonnieSue in reply to Britbrat2000]

I agree with you about the bullying giving you a lasting effect on how much you care about what other people think of you. Hopefully that will fade as time goes by, since you still have lots of time to have the memories get pushed aside with good, newer memories you have still to make.

I really can relate about the volleyball since I played too in high school. Hopefully you'll heal and can return to it some day? If not, isn't there something else you would enjoy? Whether it's at school or outside of school? I just found out about a watercolor painting class and also mixed media on the beach right near me and I'm excited! I've been to 2 classes so far! Never did I expect these classes were right under my nose! So what else makes you happy? It's important to have something to look forward to, just like you've mentioned.

[TAPNewEngland]

Be yourself and don't worry about your friend. She may not know EXACTLY what you are going through and is trying her best to relate. I give her a lot of credit for doing that. You also get credit for telling your friend. Outside of my wife, mentor, and oldest daughter, I keep this buried and secret. Seek help from a trained professional if you need to.