Hello, if you are reading this you may be considering to make the worst decision of your life. Or you may of made that decision and are now here to share your story with others. I am the latter. I am 25 year old girl, (I say girl because I feel like a scared child most of the time) who has battled with anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, purging, laxative abuse, self harm, excessive exercising and severe depression for over eight years. Well longer but I was too young to understand.
I was eight. Mum was in the kitchen of our old home, with my aunt, both sat on the counter. I came into the kitchen with a drawing I had done for my mummy. She laughed and asked me to turn around. 'Look at your arse! You got a fat arse! Your going on weight watchers tomorrow!' And with that her and my aunt threw their heads back and laughed. I was eight. From that day I felt I had an overwhelming feeling of disgust for my body that i had never felt before. Mum was true to her word and put me on weight watchers.
This is just one scenario of so many. Mine is not a story of self pity, although I have done enough of that to last a lifetime. Mine is one of realization that it was never my fault. Things happen in our lives that we cannot control. If you are struggling, or sitting at your laptop right now, alone and reading this, with a blade in your hand, your fingers near your mouth or a pile of empty food wrappers and a box of laxatives. Please stop and just think of yourself as a child. Look at that child. How innocent and beautiful they are. Would you want that little boy or girl to grow up and be sat where you are now? Feeling alone, sitting in the dark trying to forget. No. You want to scoop them up in your arms and hold them tight and never let go. Now remember that the child is you.
I am in a very dark place at the moment. I have done nothing like this but maybe I can help other people out there to feel better or give someone to talk to, because I cant talk to anyone in my family. I love them too much to hurt them anymore. If I get any response I will keep writing and share my whole story. You are Not alone. Even though you feel it.
Lost 25 xXx