Beautiful daughter wasting away. What are my next steps?

[PoppyRose]

Hello,

The history - all you need to know really.

My daughter has always been a 'big' girl from birth due to kidney problems and was treated for this. However her weight has never lifted, sometimes due to eating. She was bullied for years for her weight (not trendy you see) in schools and reported/recorded all the way through. Secondary was better because she separated from the main cohort. At 16 she joined the college gym and trimmed up a little. She looked stunning - like never before. Supervision all the way on this one. She had a boyfriend for 3 years.

This year they, mutually have split up, she's off to Uni next summer. Both OK with it. But since the summer she has continued to lose weight. Having to order new clothes for her we have found out she has gone from a size 14 to baggy 6! Looks dreadful.

I have been extremely puzzled and have had suspicions about a member of the family being ill in the bathroom over the last 8 months or so. You know - little oddities when cleaning. All family says not them when asked.

I have been off sick for 3 months and seemed to have got under her skin being around all the time - physically immobile. ??

She is sensible, bubbly, confident, we have talked about it, we continue to discuss her weight, no upsets there, I see her eat, she has no issues, she walks to college and appointments, has always walked rather than bus, a great social circle, an 'A' student, she enjoys cooking her own meals when I can't do dinner - very healthy and large potions, loves to bake and gift out to her friends. Having kept my eye on her it was the last statement that made be bolt.

Baking and Anorexia! A blog on this site. (although I'm thinking Bulimia)

She was told in college yesterday that rumours are she is Bulimic. Her ex defended her and said not. She is distraught as she says not. Yesterday her ex sends her texts blasting her for looking ridiculous, called her names, swore, asked what she was trying to achieve. !!?!? She is 18 soon and had booked a meal out with friends last night. I had to 'recover' her.

So - I have just had a discussion telling her the next sensible stage will have to be a GP visit for blood tests, because despite her eating - she is not putting on weight and there could be something seriously wrong with her.

I work with teenagers and if I notice a dramatic change in them I talk to them, refer for counselling, advise, etc... or with consent speak to their parents. We have a system in place. College have not contacted me.

I have other major issues in my life that I am dealing with, but this one by far is the most important.

My question is - are there any other steps me and my husband should be taking?

How can I help her? I am really worried now.

Thanks and bless you for taking the time to read.

(I have also just emailed this to the 'Anorexia and Bulimia Care' site.)

[PoppyRose]

Just an update really and advice that might be useful t others.

I was contacted by ABC and have listened to their advice.

My daughter has admitted to purging. Living off sweets during the day and eating 'healthily' in the evenings.

She is a BMI of 18 and still feels she is too big. She has been taking tablets - Hoodia to suppress appetite when she was told by our gym that they didn't want to change her programme because under 9 stone would be too unhealthy. She was 7.8stn last week. All this has happened in the last 3 months.

An appointment with our GP is eminent with her consent.

[fadedlizard]

Hi PoppyRose,

What a nightmare you and your daughter must be living through. I'm glad you have found support from ABC. I have found them invaluable over the years.

I have no advice to give you except to say be strong and keep reassuring your daughter of your love. It may not seem like much but believe me it is, without the love and support of my own mother I would have been gone long ago.

Keep posting and let us know how you are both getting on.

God Bless.x

[PoppyRose in reply to fadedlizard]

Thank you fadedlizard,

Your best wishes mean a lot to me and moved me so much just reading it, I can't talk to my family which is why people like you on this site are a lifeline.

I am a mother and constantly learning about the skills required to be a good one - whatever that might be for my daughter right now. She has just turned 18 on Christmas eve and is off to Uni next Sept after my eldest daughter's wedding. The thought of not being in control and not having her around me now, or worse - dealing with her deterioration , is one that fills me with absolute dread. I was excited and full of hope for her future, but not at the moment.

I have other 'things' going on with my health and work and feel numb with trying to focus, prioritise and resolve. If I don't sort my health, I can't be strong and support her like I would have only 18 months ago. Work feels like a bee that keeps stinging me in my butt - and I keep 'fobbing' it off - until it jabs back at me.

I just hope next week's appointment is a turning point for her.

I will post, and let you know how we get on.

Best wishes.

xx

[fadedlizard in reply to PoppyRose]

Hi PoppyRose,

I hope 2013 brings a new start for both you and your daughter.

Look to your own health too, darling, I know it sounds harsh but you need to be strong yourself before you can take on helping and supporting someone else, no matter how much you love them.

Take Care. God Bless.

L.x

[PoppyRose in reply to fadedlizard]

Hello fadedlizard, and thank you for your very kind words. Best wishes to you too.

We went for her 1st appointment to the Nurse Consultant today and she is being referred for CBT. She thinks it is Bulimia and not anorexia. Despite our lengthy conversation at home, today she barley spoke and I felt like the interfering mum trying to cram in as much information as possible (to help her of course).

The nurse noted her body was malformed/deformed ?? (I think she said) because of the weight loss. i.e. skinny

She was cold and looked uncomfortable all the way through. Finally I asked if she wanted a few minutes alone and she spoke to the nurse. I have no idea what was said and will leave it at that. She has also admitted to self-harming, but she didn't say in what manner.

I am going to get referred for my HypoT as I really am struggling to cope with it all - and I do believe I do not need anti-depressants, counselling etc... - even with all this. I just need to be in better health.

Thank you again.

God Bless xx