My brother has advanced prostate cancer and has had surgery. New tests show it has metastasised in his hip. I want to be able to support him but also don't want to say the wrong thing or add to the stress he is already feeling.
I would appreciate ANY advice ~ thank you so much.
Hi wavedancers,
From my perspective:
I appreciate when people simply keep in touch and ask how things are. Sometimes we talk about cancer, sometimes not. I very much appreciate when asked if they can help with anything at the moment (even though I never say yes).
Everyone is always scared to say the ”wrong” thing, but shouldn’t be. There is no “right” or “wrong” way, and I know people mean well.
Just knowing people care means a lot.
Thank you Mike. It means so much to me that you shared that. I do hope that loving him as much as I can and being there is enough 💙
I think by virtue of the fact that you are asking that question, you don't have to worry about saying the wrong thing. Ask him that question too.
Thank you ~ that feels better 💙
My brother died of a vicious disease in the early 90s.
I would go over and just be with him, and let him bring up the subject.
It will come up. Just be a brother.
Many times, simply being there can be all a person needs. I can spend an hour visiting with my older brother, neither of us saying 2 words. We don't need to, love is ever present.
Unfortunately, I am an ocean away from him... so that makes it doubly hard.
Tell him that you love him, that your praying for him. Go visit him if you can. Hug him. If not call him once a week.
Thank you
Let's assume your brother isn't weak-willed or overly freaked out ... I have two younger brothers and their support has consisted of doing very little. Like Mike1971 says, being there to listen is plenty. Offering relevant advice, even better, but he's going to do better finding peers who have cancer.
One of the things that surprised me the most in the months after I was diagnosed and started telling people is how many other people either have cancer, have had cancer, or know someone who has. Just knowing there are other cancer patients and survivors is a big help.
I was told at the beginning, 3 to 5 years, a fact I never took seriously. No one in my family freaked out at that, least of all me. I knew some men must live a long time with it; indeed, you'll see men on this list who have lived with prostate cancer for 15 or 20 years.
Depending on what his treatment is, you can plan to do things with him ... do things for him if necessary ... like him, be prepared for anything but always show your support.
And get your annual prostate cancer screening. Make sure he takes a genetic test; if he has the right/wrong genes, you can get tested for free yourself.
Bless you. Wonderful of you to take the time to answer.
When I think of my younger brother he drove six hours to my home. Got there in the afternoon dug up a four inch corrugated pipe stuffed with roots in the hot sun and replaced it. The following morning we flew to Georgia for a day trip, flew to Raleigh, drove to Richmond Virginia all to thru the foothills of north North Carolina ad all the way to the South Carolina border driving back to Raleigh border in 5 days looking for our ancestors. We never got cross. When I got to the airport I was so weak I couldn’t carry my 5 pound backpack then I couldn’t pull my carry on. Finally he was carrying four pieces of luggage. I think of the lunch we had at Brothers Pizza in a podunk town the symbolism of the song “he ain’t heavy he’s my brother”
Just be there for him, man. He’ll open up if he wants to, that’s what brothers are far. I am crying right now as I think of how good he was to me.
Bless you ~ what a wonderful memory to have in your heart.
If he has a wife or SO, offer to relieve her/him for a few hours. You can keep your brother company and have quality time together while she gets her hair done or goes shopping or to the gym, etc.
Wish I could! I'm in the UK and he's in the US... 
🥺
Besides phone calls you could send heartfelt/humorous cards or notes.
I did that with a friend who was grieving and she’s told me how much it meant to her.
If he(or you) have questions about treatments, or statistics, or anything else you can ask here anytime and everyone will give you their experiences with the same treatments or point you in the right direction to get that information.
I said the wrong two words twice.......... I DO.
Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.
j-o-h-n Friday 09/29/2023 2:46 PM DST
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