Heartbreaking choice - prayers and thoughts welcome

[dadsdrdawn]

The other day, I posted that I needed info on "tips on how to tolerate chemo".

My father thankfully decided to not do it.

However, I spent a day with him alone ( my mom went to stay with my niece that just had tonsils out).

We sat on their beautiful deck. Held hands, cried, as I told him I loved him.

He was already so weak, and despondent ( not like his personality AT ALL!)

He drank a smoothie that I brought for him. Mango, strawberries, protein powder and hemp oil.

Then he ate a bowl of cream of broccoli soup. Then a slice of berry pie.

I gave him a light massage. Then mentioned that he should get up and move around with the walker to not get too stiff from sitting too long.

He did, and said it felt good.

We talked on the phone with Dr. Geo Espinosa - Holistic MD from Langone in NYC on Facetime about what Dr. Geo thought is his priorities should be.

Support immune health. Stay moving. Eat protein ( or drink shakes)Eat whatever he can to try to keep the weight on.

My dad was quiet during the call. Then softly asked "what is this all for, and why do I want to keep going when I am in pain, am now incontinent, am bored and cant do the things I love".

This was not my dad. My heart was breaking.

He took a nap and I went home.

My mom called this morning and said "your dad has a plan" ( he DOES think he can control EVERYTHING in life)

He said he doesn't want to suffer any more, or have any of us taking care of him any longer, so he is deciding to not eat any more", and wanted my mom to call hospice so he can hear what is the fastest way to go.

I cried all day today.

I don't want him to suffer.

But I know that there is more to come. And, he drank a smoothie today as my mom called to tell me because he was so thirsty and wanted something tasty....saying while he was drinking it..."the problem with me drinking this, is that it is food."

I am heartbroken. I am trying to prepare myself for whatever is in store next.

My sister went over today, and my dad never got out of bed. Slept the entire day. My mom said he asked them to come tomorrow.

My mom needs me. My brother is flying in Monday. ( was supposed to come next month)

How does hospice work if his heart and organs ae fine, he is not in any major pain, he is thinking clearly (although this may not sound like it)???

A week ago he was driving his 2019 Corvette ( although it was a struggle to get the walker in and out, he did it and loved it), at an art gallery, out for lobster dinner with my mom and talking about getting stronger.

I think when he decided to not do chemo. He made some other life-choices and one of them was to not live.

F Cancer. My strong and driven dad is not here right now...and it's nearly unbearable to watch...but not as hard as if he keeps suffering, and gets sicker.

Not sure what to pray for.

Love to you all,

Dawn

[MJCA]

Hi Dawn. You need to speak to Dad’s doctor regarding hospice. He will need to get the ball rolling. One thing, pain can help bring on severe depression - that may be a factor in Dad’s decision. I am sorry you are going through this. Stay strong, we’re here for you❤️

[SleepingCat]

Hi Dawn, Heartbreaking... just heartbreaking. Sending all my love.

[dockam]

Oh dear 😢Sending 🙏 and 💙

This Hospice nurse has wonderful vids about it

youtube.com/@hospicenursejulie

Big Hug from CA for y'all

Tell Dad that I had a 2003 Electron Blue ZO6 that I did a Factory Pick up in Bowling Green and drove back to CA. Toured the museum too

✌️ For Fight on and for Vette

Randy

[K-xo]

Hi, Dawn. I’m SO sorry you and your family are going through this. Just awful!! Sending you love & a big hug. Prayers said 🙏

F-Cancer is right. A sentiment we all share.

[ARIES29]

So sad to hear this & I think your Dad is very brave indeed to make that choice. It is a choice most of us will have to make. Prayers to you & family.

[Amadeus71]

🙏❤💪

[Lokicliff]

Hospice care was wonderful and provided such good resources for my dad. My mom is currently in hospice and she receives nurse visits, massage therapy, chaplain, music therapy and more. It is wonderful support for the patient and the family.

Your dad is working through the grieving process and it’s definitely not a linear process. He will bounce back and forth between strong emotions. Hopefully, he will find peace and comfort as he lets go. Many prayers of comfort and blessings for you and your family.

[Shamrock46]

As others have expressed, I am sorry for what you are all experiencing. I don't think I'm far behind you. My husband has stage 4 PC and has given up on all treatments due to multiple and worsening side effects he has experienced throughout. We will be meeting a nurse practitioner tomorrow to begin palliative care arranged by our PCP through our local hospital where his cardiologist is. We last saw his MO in July and she seemed to cut us loose after he had made his final decision to end treatment, making the suggestion to enter palliative care. Last January she reviewed his labs with rising PSA and said his prognosis was about a year in her estimation w/o treatment. At that time he had his last lupron shot and refused to go on intermittent Xtandi after stopping it in December, followed by our April appt. where he refused lupron. She explained all other options and said to think it over and come back in July. He told her then that treatment was doing no good anymore and he was sick of being sick from the ADT. As she had said in initial meeting, the meds work until they don't. After tomorrow's meeting we'll go back to his cardiologist to have his implanted defibrillator deactivated. It's now getting real. I'm close to tears more often than not but force myself to hold it together since it pains my husband dearly to see me like that, so I think I know where you're at. Prayers for your dad and your whole family as you face each day as it comes.

[dadsdrdawn in reply to Shamrock46]

I will keep you in my prayers. My dad's quality of life is gone. He is in the anger stage now saying "pretend I am already gone and maybe it will happen sooner." Sending you so much love. Cry when you can, and take care of YOU because you matter too. xo

[Shamrock46 in reply to dadsdrdawn]

I understand. I thought that being off the meds would help mine bounce back a bit but that hasn't happened. The other day he slept off and on around the clock which is worrisome but doing a bit better now. The MO said that it takes quite a while for the lupron to get out of system. He also seems a bit angrier now and is upset that the cardiologist wants an xray, echo and some bloodwork, saying that he's dying of cancer so what will they prove or accomplish? Due to his cardio problems he couldn't do scans because of breathing problems and she would never agree to any xrays. He's got a worsening hacking cough and dr. wants to see if it's heart or lungs. He's treated my husband for almost 10 years and seems to care much more than MO. I think more info might help to keep him at least more comfortable for a while. Thank you for your kind words. I pray nightly for all those on this page....patients and caregivers!

[antisocialsocialwrkr]

Hi Dawn! I’m so sorry. There are no words. I feel your pain - my dad is very sick also. I am a clinical social worker and work in hospice care in South Carolina. I’d be happy to chat with you and give you some good guidance or answer questions. Feel free to message me, I have no problem giving you my number if that’s easier also. Thinking of you.

[dadsdrdawn]

How do I message you? It might be nice to have a number of someone to talk to.

[carbide]

Love you also, Dawn. 💜

[j-o-h-n]

Let me see did you want to say Fuck cancer? So Dawn it's you and your family that are really suffering. Your Dad is fighting everything we believe in..... LIFE.... He's in the position of admitting he wants life but is life really worth all that he's going through. He loves you and the rest of the family and doesn't want to leave you. So it's as if his decision will mean that he is abandoning you all and leaves him with a guilty feeling. Just love him, stroke him put him as a passenger in his vette and drive him around. Feed him those smoothies and kiss the hell out of him......I figure I'll be in your Dad's position soon......

Remember saying Fuck cancer helps......

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Sunday 08/13/2023 2:40 PM DST

[Realistic]

I cried when l read your post, your Dad sounds an absolutely amazing man with a truly amazing supportive family . Just be there for him he knows what he wants. God bless love & hugs to you all. SheilaFxxx

[Neathuh1 in reply to Realistic]

Just letting you know that there is one more prayer going to all of you. F cancer is absolutely right. I’m heading down that path and hope I can handle it just like Dawn’s father.

God bless!

[Realistic in reply to Neathuh1]

God bless love & hugs. Xxx

[Realistic in reply to Neathuh1]

God bless love & hugs. Xxx

[MyDad76]

I’m sorry for what you are going through. I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[cancerfox]

Just thinking out loud, but I wonder if a mental health therapist could talk to your dad before he locks in his decision. I'm no expert on such things, but he sounds depressed. 🦊

[Billiegirl11]

I'm so sorry!!!! My tears are falling for us both as I just lost my Dad on similar terms. It killed me to think about the fact that he was beating my climbing wall times not 3 months ago... 😭

[dadsdrdawn]

Thank you for the shared tears. Even though it's only been 6 months, I still speak regularly of what a fighter my dad was, and how at the end, he passed on his terms, peacefully, without pain, and after a kick ass 17 year battle. He lived an amazing, optimistic life, right up until the last 6 days.

Thankfully he didn't linger sick. His life was full of quality,and that's what my family talks about all the time...that he never talked about being sick to anyone but us.

Hugs and healing, strength an prayers to all of you FIGHTERS!!

Dawn