My beloved husband found peace at last on last Friday at a hospice. When it got impossible to look after him at home, we had to move him to the local hospice. All through the journey since his diagnosis in July 2020 we were worried about pain. The sting in the tail of cancer that caused the most difficulty in mobility in the end was the oedema - something I never knew much about. I would not wish it on anyone. I had heard it spoken of outside the context of surgery but he had not had surgery or cancer in the lymphs (as far as scans show) until the very end. The first time he experienced swelling in the legs in December, it went away entirely. The next time it came back, it slowly rose up the legs eventually being almost everywhere. We tried the compressions socks and water tablets etc but with falling albumin levels and low haemoglobin, there was little we could do for him except to keep him comfortable. It broke my heart to see him unable to turn in bed or to scratch his own back when just last June he was doing 100 push ups a day and walking for an hour at a time. I am very proud of his brave and dignified way to deal with it. He still kept his optimism and sense of humour, and was kind and polite to all. Never complained nor raged. Few nights before his passing, I was chatting to the nurse on duty about a film. Neither of us could remember the title but my husband piped up the correct one in his sleep. He was an intelligent and a creative soul with many interests in life. It is a shame that cancer stopped this all at the age of 57. I stayed with him in the hospice the last few weeks and am grateful for the time spent with him even if it was just spent quietly holding hands. At the end, I knew exactly when his time would come as I observed his breathing over the last few days. Our two lovely daughters and I held his hands through the night as he started his transition. I only hope that they will not remember those breathing sounds. I cannot say that I have lost my soulmate; he lives on in our hearts, free at last from pain and suffering.
Sting in the tail of prostate cancer - Advanced Prostate...
Sting in the tail of prostate cancer
I am so very sorry to hear this news. I wish I was eloquent enough to say the words that would comfort you but I find myself at a loss. I hope that you can find comfort in knowing that you did everything you could to help and that your lovely husband is no longer in pain. Take care.
There are no words to say.... it's heartbreaking to read of his passing.... I am so very sorry he was taken at such a young age. I'm sure your daughters will bring you much comfort at this very difficult time. I will keep your whole family in my prayers today. Sending you love and ((HUGS)). 😪
So sad that he was taken by this awful disease at such a young age too. But as you say, he is now at peace with no more pain to endure. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family.
I'm so saddened to hear of the loss of another Brother to this dreaded cancer😪 and so young too, my deepest condolences to you and the Family.
I'm grateful to hear that Family was there holding his hands at His Passing.
I hope to be able to have my Family/Friends there when my Time comes
Rest in Peace Sir and Suffer no more
Big Hug from CA
With Love💙 - Randy
My heart goes out to you and your family in your time of loss.
Your husband sounds like a wonderful person and he obviously passed way to soon.
I hope that you have plenty of love and support in this time. Thank you for honoring your husband by sharing the news of his passing.
Ron
Thank you Ron for the kind words.
It’s impossible to find the right words for an answer. You are an amazing woman and I’m sure, your husband got the best care possible. I’m very sorry for your loss. As you say, he still lives in your hearts and I can only add, that I fully trust, that one day we are all united again.
My deepest sympathy for your loss. I followed your journey and I know you did everything possible for him and your daughters. May his memory be a blessing. 💔
Thank you very much for the kind words.
I'm so sorry to hear this. The end time is very much still top of mind, and I'm sorry he had such a hard time of it. Holding hands is such a lovely thing to do for him. He sounds like a really great guy, and it is a treasure you will always have in your heart.
Thank you for your help all along. Best wishes
He passed with sound mind and strong character, God bless him and a tribute to you and your family for supporting him to the end.
I am so sorry for your loss! I am fairly new to this site, but you were the first member whose story I read. I was frantically googling one day and somehow stumbled on your page. Your story hit home as my husband is also in his 50’s. If it weren’t for you, I may have never found the amazing people here, filled with knowledge and support. Unknowingly, YOU are my silver lining and I can’t thank you enough, although I wish it were under different circumstances. What a great man your husband was! He was so lucky to have you advocating for him every step of the way. For whatever it’s worth, I cried with you & I’m sending you and your daughters all my love and prayers. Xo
Hi Many thanks for the prayers and love. They are much needed at the moment as we try and pick up the pieces of our lives. I am glad that unwittingly I brought you to this website. There is a lot of knowledge here but what is more important is the experience of patients and carers. I learnt a lot here and then I learnt a lot more about myself through being my husband's patient advocate. I found strength and calmness that I did not know I could draw upon. I loved him dearly and will miss him much but I am glad that I left no stone unturned. Best wishes to you and your husband.
Sarita,
I know I;ve already said this to you, but Clint and I are so very, very sorry to hear of Matts passing. As always sending you prayers and hugs to you and your girls.
You are a very brave lady, my friend. Thinking of you all at this very stressful and upsetting time. Taken far too young, this disease is truly Evil.
Kim and Clint 💔💔💔xx
Last June he was doing 100 pushups & walking an hour a day, TRAGIC...My condolences
Very sorry to hear this news. You really did everything you could for your man. Thank you for all your posts on this group and for taking time to tell us about the journey's end.
❤️❤️❤️
I am so sorry for your loss. He was so lucky to have you in his corner!
To Sarita,
57 years old is too young. God took him so early because he needed him. That's God's way of letting us know that Matt was such an exception Husband and Father. May He Rest in Peace and watch over you and your lovely daughters. I know that God will sit you under the apple tree next to your wonderful Husband. God Bless you all.
j-o-h-n Tuesday 05/23/2023 9:53 PM DST
So sorry to hear of your loss. Those last moments when the breathing is hard bought back memories to me when my wife passed years ago & all we could do was hold her hand but your husband is at peace now.
So very sorry, sending hugs and healing for you and your family.
i am so sorry for your loss. He was lucky to have you by his side.
So young, may God be with you and his comfort and peace be with all of you.
Very sorry for your loss. No hurry joining your husband under the apple tree. Your daughters need you. Take comfort in knowing he is no longer in pain. May he rest in peace. Take care.
I am so very sorry. My husband passed just 11 weeks ago, and grieving is so hard. Bless you and your family as you find peace in these coming days.
((Hugs to you Leebeth)), how are you holding up?❤️
Sherry
Thank you. It’s really hard. I also help my older brother and he is responding great to Pluvicto, so it’s really bittersweet. My brother has had PC since 2007, and Stage IV since 2009. My husband only had 23 months after diagnosis. Everyone’s cancer is sure different.
They have the same oncologist and we had to go yesterday. Really hard for me to go to that office!
The support of friends has really helped, but I miss him so much. We were blessed with 41 years together.
You were married a long time! I’m sure it hurts in ways you never imagined it could while you’re fighting with him against PC. Glad to hear that your friends are a help. Praying for you as missing your Beloved hits hard💔. I know that helping your brother must help you to feel needed and helpful, but walking into the same docs office, fighting the same fight…my heart goes out to you, brave, Caring Lady!❤️ What an Angel!
Thank you! ❤️
Sorry for your loss. I hope we can all go out with dignity.
My deepest and heartfelt condolences for the loss of your Matt, it’s so sad to hear of another brother passing. Matt was surrounded with loving family at the end, how great was that !
❤️❤️❤️
Condolences
2020 and 57 yo. The damage and heartache that the scrouge that is PCa knows no bounds. I am so very sorry for the loss of the love of your life. May angels protect your and your lovely daughters.
I'm so sorry. What a lovely tribute to your husband. I'm pretty new here too so hadn't had the privelege of 'knowing' you & your husband yet, but was very moved by your post sharing his final journey (at far too young). Sending wishes for even more peace and strength for you and your daughters. I'm so glad you were all together at his side. I hope the same for my husband, myself and our sons whenever that may be.
He was a lucky man to have you and your daughters with him til the end. So sorry it all happened to him so young. Strength to you all.
Dear spw1 - my heart goes out to you & your family. Thank you for sharing this post-it must have been difficult to write. Your husband was clearly very much loved & is now able to rest in peace - pain free.
Please accept my heartfelt condolences. Sending you and your daughters gentle hugs. Lots of love and light. 
Thank you for your kind message and the virtual hugs. Much appreciate the light and love.
What an understanding and devoted wife you had been to your late husband gifted with esteemed qualities but never had the fortune to live a long enough life because of this merciless and cruel disease ! My heart goes to you and your two daughters.
May he rest in eternal peace !
Beautifully spoken from the heart! God bless you and your daughters
my deepest condolences to you and your family. Take care.
I am so sorry for your loss, may God give you acceptance and comfort.
Thank you and I too pray for God's blessings to help us.
Thank you for writing so beautifully and honestly about your dear husband's last days. Please accept my deepest sympathy. He was much too young to die. Peace to you and your daughters. Hugs and a virtual bouquet of fragrant flowers. Rest in peace dear man.
In time peace and smiles at the good memories...bw
Thank you for your kind message. At the moment, even good memories are bringing on tears but they may help us to a place of peace eventually.
My heart goes out to you, prayers for comfort in your loss. Thank you for the tender way you cared for him.
Thank you for your kind words. We gave love and care but then came a point where the hospice staff were invaluable. Oedema makes legs so heavy that lifting them up to place a pillow under for a support and to float the heels is a two person job. It is also painful for the patient. I was amazed at the compassionate carers' skills and patience. As a society we should be grateful for those who have the calling to work in these capacities.
Our deepest condolences for the loss of your husband. Prayers for you and your family.
I’m so sorry 💔. Your husband sounds like an exceptional man. As do you and your daughters. What a loving support all of you were to him. I hope you’re able to draw closer to one another and love/support each other through the hardest times and through this life transition. Thank you for writing to us of your experience. I for one would love to continue hearing how you are doing as time passes ❤️ ((Hugs))
Sherry
Thank you Sherry for those kind words and hugs. This has been a difficult week but there is still a thought in me that expects him to speak up or come through the door. I suspect that the worst of the grief is yet to come.
Oh Honey 😢💔❤️
God bless you lm truly sorry for your sad loss & send my love & prayers. SheilaFx
spw1,
There is strength in the words in your post. Your post also shows the love your family has for each other that will endure beyond the physical life. That is precious. Worldly wealth doesn't compare to love.
Your family is strong. You have the strength of each other when one falters. Friends and clergy can be helpful-and sometimes--not. We never get over a significant loss. We learn to live with the loss. I am grateful for having shared life with some who have gone before me despite the pain that their death and resulting separation from them has caused. Decades seem like yesterday. Time or death will never destroy love.
At times we need our own counsel and memories to reflect upon. We need to be alone with our thoughts. Watching the sunrise or set while thinking of a life shared can elicit a sense of peace. Grieving takes time and can surface unexpectedly. Eventually the rawness of grief, the sharp edge is blunted.
You and your family are in my thoughts. Be strong, all of you.
Currumpaw
I'm so sorry for your tremendous loss. He was so young to lose his life to this terrible disease.
Kay
Thank you for your kind words.
Thank you for sharing as a few of us know this will be our end result also and we prepare for that day. In our family we have many pictures of happier times and my wife and family can reflect on those as the years pass and put away those grieving times with fond remembrance of days before. I Pray for healing for you as well comfort from your daughters and family members. Kind regards.
Thank you for your kind words. Having been through this journey, I do believe that preparation for death is important. I mean on a psychological level we all should do that, not just those who are patients. None of us know how long we have got and we could aim to live a life without regrets and with gratitude for what we have.
My Sincere condolences. I lost my husband last year, but he and I were blessed with 28 years more. Your soulmate had a complete life as every life is complete as far as God is concerned, though you lost a very young husband very quickly. I pray you and your daughters find peace; I suggest you consider Griefshare at some time in the future....this 'program' has helped me immensely in my deep and intense sadness. My prayers are with you all.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard it was for those last few weeks.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing his experience so sweetly, it is a privilege to know how beautifully your entire family handled this time. Your husband was obviously a wonderful man, and I’m thankful you have him with you in your heart.
I can honestly say I know exactly what you are feeling and my heart goes out to you, your family as well as mine. As we lost Richard the end of April after 2 weeks in the hospital and 3 weeks at home with Hospice. There are no words and everyone tries to say the “right” things but there isn’t a “right” word or thing because for us left behind doesn’t feel anything right. Love Debbie
My deepest sympathy to you and your family. May he rest in peace.
Very sad. I can't really add much to what has already been said by others, but hopefully you can cherish your husband's memories while at the same time staying close to those around you for support during this difficult time.
RIP
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