Eight is enough?

[Jvaughan0]

Reflecting on this year, made me recall that old TV series. My own family is small. My wife and I live on a small farm where we nurture dozens of animal "children". We have one son, our most treasured gift; and, at 21, he is still finding his way in the world with a kind heart and a gentle nature that I deeply admire. My own family is enough. Going back to the eight, that is the number of IMRT boosts remaining for me out of the 37 that started Thanksgiving week. After G9 prostate removal in 2014 and salvage radiation to the prostate bed in 2017, cancer awoke and joined me once again on my life's journey last March. The PSA number rose from .02 to .06 during the course of the summer as I waited for my MO to sign off on one of the new PSMA scans and the beginning of six month Lupron injections. Three avid nodes glowed among the boney ghosts and shadows of organs on those scans. I sought whole pelvis radiation at a local radiation oncology center. Audiobooks of Walden and 1493 have helped moderate hot flashed winter nights of sleeplessness. Midday walks and farm chores rail against fatigue. And radiation has placed bowels and bladder on frequent call. Still life offers moments of reflection, irony, paradox, sadness and joy. Anxiety never goes away. Yet I am resigned not to fight my MO for a second ADT drug, or even more PSA or T tests until my next appointment in April. I need time to focus on recovery and not discovery. Waiting is the endless dance of each mortality.

[Lyubov]

Bless you for sharing with us. You have the best attitude I could imagine under such hard circumstances. Plus, you write beautifully! May the New Year bring some good results, joy and peace.

[Jvaughan0 in reply to Lyubov]

Thanks. I'm just a very private person trying to vent and learn what true courage is from my brothers and sisters here.

[Ramp7]

The Road Not Taken BY ROBERT FROST

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

[Jvaughan0 in reply to Ramp7]

One of my favorite poems... In my youth, I thought it was a message of regret; in my old age, I see it differently. No matter the direction, each road at first is a path not taken, bordered by the greenways and wastelands of where we chose to rest. I tend to see crossroads now as curious places to ponder, not life shaping moments. Frost always said people overthought this poem, and I have spend maybe too many hours resting in that valley of "overthinking."

[Lyubov in reply to Jvaughan0]

You know Frost well. I took a class years ago taught by his granddaughter (last name Fisher? can't remember). She told the class Frost frequently took walks (in England) with his best friend (Tom?) & one day they came upon such a "cross roads." Frost joked that in fact it didn't really matter which path they took. . . So, I agree we ought not "overthink" the poem, or for that matter our choices. Move ahead, do the best we can. ..

[Javelin18 in reply to Lyubov]

This reminds me of people reading too much into the Yogi Berra quote, “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.” I saw an interview with him and he said that was part the directions to his house. He lived at the end of a teardrop street, and no matter which fork you, you ended up at his house.

[Lyubov in reply to Javelin18]

Excellent comparison & so funny!!! Thanks.

[Spyder54 in reply to Ramp7]

Lovely. Everytime.

[treedown]

Sounds like we have many similar life traits i.e. size of family, animal children and unfortunately this disease. I hope you have a fabulous response to your treatments. Happy New Year.

[Jvaughan0 in reply to treedown]

Thanks. Happy New Year to you and yours as well.

[j-o-h-n]

Happy/Healthy New Years greetings to you, your wife, your son and children. You write the way I speak.....(yeah right). Where do you live? As the saying goes "you are the salt of the earth"..... God Bless all of you....

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Saturday 01/01/2022 1:43 PM EST

[Jvaughan0 in reply to j-o-h-n]

Eastern North Carolina, John. I'm afraid that salt is mixed with more than an equal part of vinegar. You always speak with a joyous heart that words alone fail to convey.

[j-o-h-n in reply to Jvaughan0]

Well I know that vinegar and water makes a great cleansing agent.... I spent 6 months as a consultant with a bank headquartered in Raleigh (First Citizens) and used to jog up and down Capital boulevard early in the dark mornings (what amazed looks from motorists).

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Saturday 01/01/2022 3:14 PM EST

[Hidden]

Oh - you are my favourite kind of chip.Salt and vinegar Miss Vickie’s

[E2-Guy]

I believe that tE2 ADT would eliminate the 'hot flashes'. I have been using this monotherapy regimen for over 3½ years and still don't know what a 'hot flash' is like.

[Jvaughan0 in reply to E2-Guy]

The flashes are different for me this time. In 2017 with Eligard, the flashes were intense, brief and limited to a couple of times a day and were like walking into a hot sauna without the stream. This time with Lupron, the feeling is like the brief glowing flush of first love, noticeable, not overwhelming, and occurring in rapid secession. I suspect these less than romantic interludes keep me awake at night and the side effect of Lupron impede me from falling asleep. Still no over-the-counter sleep aid works and melatonin is useless. I tried nightly routine modifications (no reading in bed) and a couple of family doctor prescribed suggestions including Ambien. My eyes never blinked. Many guys here swear by marijuana as being helpful, but legal use for medicine conditions is still probably a year away in my state.