Just a couple of recent update notes from Charles.
A about a week ago, some of my more instense "guts" issues got somewhat better as we worked to "dial-in" a better combination of opiods for pain management vs. other things to keep my bowels from getting painfully clogged up. I'm grateful for those successes. It funnny how now that the time comes, there can actually be some sense of satisfaction in literally rolling around in shit and doing battle with pads, a bed pan, tons of dry/wet wipes, and all the resettling & clean-up afterwards.
On the other hand, I am sad and disappointed to report that it has been getting harder for us (and especially for me) to try keep a good emotional fix on things, and to try to stop myself from turning too critical, short-tempered, and just plain mean over what should othewise be more routine, "doable" issues like those we've often handled during the past 8+ years of terminal diagnoses of advanced cancer(s).
This week I'm still dealing with more loss of mobility, the current bedbound state of things, and some more recent faster deterioration of many muscles/nerves in both lower legs, feet, ankles calves, and thighs.
It is horrible when stresses and conficts arise between intimate caregivers.
This afternoon I decided to try for some things better, after reflecting on some of these experience with their cloents of a few decades. I took my first lowest starter dose of Hospice-prescribed Lorazepam, the commonly used anti-anxiety medication that can "take the edge off" of these medical, mental, emotional issues as they may start drifting too close the dysfuctional deep end of the pool.
I hope it all starts working out better soon. The sadness, suffering, minor setbacks in the interactions are difficult. I feel bad. It gets so crazy, and it's no fun feeling like I'm collecting the assorted rags and other costuming bits to put together a full Ogre costume one of these unsuspectedweekday evenings.
Charles
Time for Hospice
ADT or Hospice?
Darkness, I see it.
