Thanks for listening

[Collarpurple]

I feel like I’m dying a little each day just started this journey I’m pretty sure I can’t Livewithout him because I want to go to If I say this to anyone else I know they’ll be watching me thanks for letting me vent and see what I’m really really feeling without judging me We have one son who is been Estranged from us for seven years and we have three granddaughters that we don’t know my son got married and his wife wanted nothing to do with us So my feeling is I’d rather be with him and my parents then take another breath on this earth

[Monkeymamma]

I’m sorry. I understand feeling so overwhelmed. If you have FB you might benefit from joining groups like Women Affected by Advanced Prostate Cancer. I find the support there extremely helpful.

[Collarpurple in reply to Monkeymamma]

I will be look for one.

[Hidden]

Thank you for your honest share. My husband, whom I adore, is one of the unlucky ones too. Stage 4 prostate cancer diagnosis in 2018. I’m traumatized. He is actually handling this better than I could have imagined while I go to therapy and share that I want to go with him. Like you, I’m very frightened and cannot imagine not having my life partner. My children are grown with their own lives. He and I do most everything together. I am sad. Depressed sometimes. But I look and listen to others who have walked the path of loosing their partner to guide me. They do survive. So I’m trying to remember that and live in the day WITH HIM. He is here today. It’s all we have. I’m holding on. When it changes I’ll deal with it then. There are many here on this site who were told they had 3-5 years and are going strong longer than expected. So hold on tight. Enjoy what you have for today. I think what you are experiencing is normal. I choose prayer. 🙏

[Collarpurple in reply to Hidden]

Thank you I know you have same feeling

We too do everything together

I just can’t even think about life without him

My husband is doing fine and I am the wreck

I know no one wants to be in this group

I pray that this nasty thing will leave each man here If any man here is alone please know

That my heart and prayers are with you

[MelaniePaul]

Dear Collarpurple,

From your post I take it that you have lost your husband/partner to this terrible disease. I am so very sorry for your loss. This must be such a difficult time for you.

I think I can understand because I lost my husband, best friend, soul mate last May to advanced prostate cancer. In the early days, there were times when I wished we had gone together and there were two or three occasions when I really thought about taking my own life in order to be with him or at least, because I don't necessarily believe that we will go somewhere where we will join our loved ones, leave this life of which Paul was no longer a part and no longer feel the pain.

However, as time went on, I very slowly learned to live with the pain of loss. I am not saying that the pain is less but my coping with it has become a lot better. And very slowly I began to see that, as much as it was unwanted at first, I would be able to live a life now without Paul by my side. It was going to be a different life and not the one I had planned and wanted, but it would be possible to go on. I hope that, in time, you will feel the same.

It is a pity you don't have contact with your son. But I do hope that you can build a support network around you of people who can be there for you in this difficult time. Or maybe you can join a support group for bereaved spouses. I did this last year and it is really helping me to talk to others who are going or have been going through the same situation.

Mind yourself, Mel.

[MelaniePaul]

Dear Collarpurple,

I re-read your post and realize now that your husband is still with you. Sorry for writing my previous post. But perhaps it was good to have writte it because it maybe helped you to see that, yes, there is a way to live even after they have gone.

Your husband is still here. And you say yourself he is doing fine. Perhaps try and let your feelings of fear and despair and pain arise at certain times of the day (like dedicate five or ten minutes to those feelings each day because they are real and want to be felt) and be with your husband the rest of te time and try not to think of the end too much. Spend each moment you have together knowing about the impending loss but not thinking of it if you know what I mean. Make the most of each moment and create wonderful memories together. If you worry too much in the present moment and are afraid and think about not wanting to live once he is gone, you miss out on so much.

Love Mel.

[Collarpurple in reply to MelaniePaul]

You guys are the only ones that understand

My friends my family say it’ll be OK if I hear one

More say that I will Scream I lost my parents six days apart a Christmas time seven years ago and I almost lost my mind thank you for listening to me even though I don’t know you I can feel the love from you I’m pray all dayBut I will have as much time as I can I love you guys so much thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart

[strummer]

I can relate. Can’t imagine a life without my hubby. 6 mos into this nightmare and I am better thanks to therapy, online support like this and trying to live in the moment. But it’s hard! Try and enjoy now, it’s really all we can control.

[Collarpurple in reply to strummer]

Thank yoi

[Schwah]

I am sure you have tried everything but I suggest a handwritten letter to both your son and daughter in law. In it apologize for any part you’d had in causing the estrangement (even if you feel blameless). Do not put blame or show anger. Explain your husbands condition and ask “if you guys could find it in your hearts to start over and allow us back in yours and your daughters lives, it would be an incredible gift. We are willing to do it on your terms and adjust our Behavior so as not to cause a new rift.” Explain that “time is running short given your fathers serious condition and nothing would better ease both our pain than to allow us back into your life under whatever terms you deem acceptable . If you are unable to do this for any reason, we will accept it and still wish you and our grandchildren all the success and happiness in the world”. This is a long shot I am sure, and likely difficult for you to say given all the history. But I’d still give it a try.

Schwah

[Collarpurple in reply to Schwah]

My brother talk to son and told him about his Dad and son said he was going to call me

So we shall see. I know it won’t be the same

But his dad needs him and I think my son needs him too. God is bring a second chance

[Schwah in reply to Collarpurple]

I still say a personal handwritten note from you with only love (no accusations)and a plea to start over is the best chance.

Schwah

[Noel91]

My sister does not allow my parents to see her either.this includes my niece as well.This makes my father being depressed as well but mom And I try to show him that you only deserve in your Life people that truly loves you And Cares about you.

We Will never know what Will happen in the future.Father was said by a doctor that he Will face 10-12 years with the current meds avaliable And we do really have to believe in that.There are a lot of people here that have been surviving to cáncer for more than 10 years as well. You may ask for help in associations or Facebook groups but the most important is not facing this alone so ask for help because you are also important in this.

I Hope you can understand my mesage besides my awful English.

I send you a Big hug from Spain

[Tjc1]

Hi, i was diagnosed 81/2 years ago. Stage 4 gleason 7. Currently Xtandi is keeping this monster at bay. Its not easy but its important to try to live one day at a time (iknow easier said than done) and maybe get some counseliing where you can learn how to deal with all the bad thoughts we have. They are still there but we can learn to not let them affect us in such a bad way. Most of us are here living a long life after diagnosis. The best of luck to you two!

[CantChoose in reply to Tjc1]

I just love reading these stats. We are only a month in (Gleason 9, mets everywhere) and I'm so afraid we have an untreatable subtype. It's so important to remind myself that stats are not the end of the story.

[Ladysingstheblues]

sadly I think a lot of us feel this way. Please see a therapist and get some help for yourself.

[Collarpurple in reply to Ladysingstheblues]

Thank you. I know that my feelings are the same for most. I know some are stronger

But I am not I have planned it out when

The time comes. Not Afraid at all

[Collarpurple in reply to Collarpurple]

This is a place I can tell the truth

Thank you for the spot

[CantChoose in reply to Collarpurple]

I do think it's helpful to voice these things. My children are too young for me to consider suicide. But that doesn't mean I haven't had the fleeting thought. Life without my husband would be like walking off a cliff.

I also know though that I do not really know what that experience will be like. It serves no purpose to fear something before it happens, just a waste of energy. I hope you can let these thoughts go for this time and live in the moments you have together. Hugs.

[dadzone43]

Your pathway is dark. Stay on it for the brightness ahead

[larry_dammit]

Never to late to make peace with them, that said. Don’t give up, my wife was pretty distraught when I was diagnosed 33 months ago, she has since sought out counseling and brought our kids together. Made friends with a preacher. All in all. The doctors don’t know how long we have so don’t make his last few years hard on both of you. Love a lot. Do the bucket list and have fun living 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[Collarpurple in reply to larry_dammit]

Thank you.

[j-o-h-n]

To Collarpurple: VENT all you want to and need to. And yes cancer does SUCK! We all think about "going away too" in other words "checking out". It's a natural thought and goes with the territory. I fight my daily fight with humor and by golly I'm not gonna change even though those little tiny bastards inside of me want to eat me alive. However I do wish they were vegans and not carnivores. As far as that dickhead of a daughter in law goes I would buy a small (or large if she's fat) voodoo doll in her image and poke it with pins every few hours. She sounds like she's lower than whale shit and that's found on the bottom of the ocean. Your poor son is between a rock and a hard place and I pity him the most. He has to live with that piece of garbage. Well enough of my humor.... Sorry but I just couldn't help venting myself. BTW your husband will be around for a very long time, trust me.

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Saturday 04/27/2019 12:24 PM DST

[Collarpurple in reply to j-o-h-n]

Thanks for saying everything I think

May your life be filled with loads of love

[JimVanHorn]

I felt that way for 11 years starting in 2007. At this time my doctor told me that I no longer have PCa. I am very grateful and love life again. I wish your husband recovery from this monster

[Hidden]

Your statement hits home to all of us with loving partners.. Yours is a true statement of love and devotion ....I too have an estranged child ...it’s a cause of pain . Still love her but by her choice is no contact since my diagnosis. My dysfunction family and so called friends all gone by the wayside. My saving is my wife her daughter now mine and our puppy LULu .. I believe that you ,a women of love have much more love to give and receive . I talked with her about your post first . I want her to go on without me and enjoy life . I make her promise to me . She like you says she wants to go with me . That is BS , not our choice to make . My belief is that love is eternal , not physical but spiritual ,the flesh is weak , the spirit goes on . I’m not minimalizing loss and pain . We all suffer here . I’m sorry that he and you suffer so . Our souls are bonded ,as is your’s and your husband’s .

[Collarpurple in reply to Hidden]

I. Can never understand children like ours

When my mom was fighting cancer and she was 1800miles away I was there never leaving the hospital

The last summer my brother and I stayed the whole time

Then took turn from Septto Dec. My brother&I did all because we loved both so much

I pray that I. An be as strong too

Sorry to be so long

And thanks for all you said

[Hidden in reply to Collarpurple]

Long ? You’ve yet to see my diatribes . This is real life stuff never seen or thought of prior to APC ‘s attack . You have support here ..You are far from alone on this escapade . Nothing can bring me down like family strife .. every family has some . I love them all but some are toxic .. always have been always will be . Prayer will get you through when nothing else will . Keep the faith .. peace to your husband also . Scott

[Collarpurple]

Just to know I can be that friend

[Hidden in reply to Collarpurple]

Who’s that tiger cat?

[Collarpurple in reply to Hidden]

It just came up when I typed that name but my name is Sharon

[Hidden in reply to Collarpurple]

Hi Sharon .cool cat .

[Collarpurple in reply to Hidden]

Hope you had a great day

[Jackpine]

Collar purple,

As my wife and I have found out on this journey (5 years so far) that this disease is as hard or harder on our spouses/partners/ significant others than we realize sometimes. While we’re being treated by doctors we miss that you are also in this fight and in many cases more impacted than we are. Between hundreds of Dr. appts, chemo, radiation, fatigue it’s easy to become depressed. But as others have said enjoy the good times, celebrate wins (even small ones) and take the time to enjoy your time together. It’s amazing what a simple walk while holding hands can do to calm your soul.

On your son, I can relate as I have a daughter who rarely speaks to me, she knows I have cancer but never contacts me to see how I’m doing. It hurts as a parent but families are hard. I continue to reach out and let her know I still love and care for her.

Keep reaching out to your son, he may think he’s strong or right but nothing is stronger than a parents love. He just needs to hear it over and over.

For you yell and scream at this beast but don’t let it consume you. With new treatments, diet and exercise many of us are living long enjoyable lives. Stay positive and greet each new day as a blessing and know you have this forum for support. We are all warriors in this fight!

[Collarpurple in reply to Jackpine]

Thanks I feel love from this group which makes me strong

[Collarpurple]

Without this group You guys give me hope

[monte1111]

No judgement from me! Estranged from kids. But I reached out and gathered them back in. Just little steps of kindness. When they needed help I was there. Let this first storm settle. Sounds like both of you will have many years of happiness. Come back any time, we'll leave the light on.

[Hidden]

I have learned several things since diagnosed with metastatic prostate cancer in 2004. The most important is to embraced all things positive and walk away from any negative situation or person; including family, friends, and work........

Followed by, you are a Statistic of One. It matters not what the numbers say, you are different and can beat this bastard.

The last thing that I will impart, assuming that you have a real pro, your medical team is best equipped to fight the bastard. Listen to them.

GD

[Collarpurple in reply to Hidden]

Again a giant thanks you guys keep me

Sane in this very insane Disease

Friends don’t understand even though they try but you guys have it and you do and I can’t thank you enough because you guys give me strength when sometimes I feel like crap and it’s you guys that have it you’re a tough bunch