Those were the words spoken to us Monday. DNR was the next phrase. 2-3 weeks or a month the third. All this on his first radiation treatment day. ...devastated can’t even describe the feeling.
So many questions, so many emotions, so much anger and fear, so much hate for this disease, but also so much love to give still.
My Chris, the poster boy for health, and I knew these words 11 months ago. We did everything “they” said. This disease doesn’t listen to “them”. It walks it’s own path.
MelaniePaul said it once. The importance of regular scans. So we did. Bone scan in October showed no or possible gray areas in liver. We did not know this then. Follow up scan last week. Numerous tumours in liver. ?
I can’t use what little emotional energy I have left to get mad over all this. I need to stay strong for him and encourage him to not give up till he’s sure. He lays in the acute ward where most if not all are bedridden and unable to sit up let alone get out of bed. They most likely will not...ever. He walks the halls, painful or not, just to feel alive. I smile at him all through this and am so proud of his commitment to keep up the fight. This man, my first love, my rock, my provider, my everything, is only concerned about me. And I so love him for that.
I pray that today we will have a good day. I pray that they will let me bring him home to live his final days, weeks, months here where he wants to be. I pray for some miracle to give him any more time, comfortable time. I pray for all you fighting this disease to keep on fighting!
Do everything on your “bucket lists”. NOW. Don’t wait, don’t fret over cost, don’t think you will get around to it. Make those memories NOW. Never look back with regrets that you didn’t. Those memories are so beautiful at the time and so rewarding for us to have.
Hold your love, wife/other half/husbands. Reassure them they have given you everything you ever have needed and that yes one day your heart will be broken but knowing the love shared will someday heal that break. I will never give up on this love.
So thankful for finding this forum and the friendships that it has provided in our short time here. To each and every one that has reached out to us with everything, I truly thank and appreciate it. I wouldn’t be this strong without it.
Love every precious moment.
Sheri (wife, caregiver, cheerleader) 💔