Rant: Just tired, please ignore

[ChaosDad]

So tired of trying to explain what ADHD is like. It's always the same. "This is what you actually feel like", "you must not care that much since you can't pay attention", "you're just overly sensitive", etc just to name a few.

It fills me with such unequivocal sadness to know that there is no place in this world for someone like me. Not to think or believe that I will never be accepted anywhere, but to know with no sense of uncertainty that someone who has symptoms like mine will forever be devoid of care and understanding is far greater a burden than I have the vocabulary to articulate.

Identifying that the decades of trying to fit in. The sea of tears I've shed in silent frustration trying over and over to connect, in someway, to those around me I've cherished and loved. Has brought me to the absolute edge of oblivion. I've learned one thing over th past 40 years. No one truly cares.

Some may say so on paper, or may even comment on this post to say so. However, when the chips are down, when the world asks how far you're actually willing to go. That's when they all say the same thing. "I'll pray for you". Like prayer can feed a starving child, like prayer has any basis on a job application, or if divine spirituality can tell someone why they were forced into hating themselves for almost their entire life.

I'm so unbelievably tired of everything. Maybe the next life will be better. Maybe the next pull on life's slot machine will turn out better then "try again".