So tired of trying to explain what ADHD is like. It's always the same. "This is what you actually feel like", "you must not care that much since you can't pay attention", "you're just overly sensitive", etc just to name a few.
It fills me with such unequivocal sadness to know that there is no place in this world for someone like me. Not to think or believe that I will never be accepted anywhere, but to know with no sense of uncertainty that someone who has symptoms like mine will forever be devoid of care and understanding is far greater a burden than I have the vocabulary to articulate.
Identifying that the decades of trying to fit in. The sea of tears I've shed in silent frustration trying over and over to connect, in someway, to those around me I've cherished and loved. Has brought me to the absolute edge of oblivion. I've learned one thing over th past 40 years. No one truly cares.
Some may say so on paper, or may even comment on this post to say so. However, when the chips are down, when the world asks how far you're actually willing to go. That's when they all say the same thing. "I'll pray for you". Like prayer can feed a starving child, like prayer has any basis on a job application, or if divine spirituality can tell someone why they were forced into hating themselves for almost their entire life.
I'm so unbelievably tired of everything. Maybe the next life will be better. Maybe the next pull on life's slot machine will turn out better then "try again".
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ChaosDad
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Hiya mate ive just read your post and it is so true, Im 50 now and have had adhd since childhood in the dark days when you were labeled a naughty boy and punished ,
Im not here to fill you with rubbish but could i kindly ask what meds you might have tried over your year's please as ive tried many myself,
Ok so I am just a random stranger on the internet but I do mean it!
I have felt and written very similar things to what you have expressed in your various posts. I have absolutely believed that everyone would be better off without me and that there was no hope of anything ever being any better.
My parents also don't give a * about me or my mental health, I don't have a single bit of support of any kind (emotional, practical, financial, anything) from them. According to them, anything I have ever struggled with is my fault.
Just saying that so you know that I do understand.
I would second what has been said, are you on any medication for ADHD or depression? I struggled for a LONG time to accept that I might need it, but both long term emotional trauma (which it sounds like you have had) and ADHD, affect the physical development and structure and function of the brain, and I eventually came to it that ignoring that and trying to manage my life with a 'starting baseline' that was way lower than most people around me, was not even fair!
And whilst I still don't like needing medication, my life feels dramatically better for not having brain chemistry drag me down in every way. Pills are not a cure but they give me a fairer starting point!
On medication for ADHD and depression, I feel better enough about myself and my life to be able to sometimes use my strengths and feel good, rather than constantly just being dragged down and unable to do even the basics.
Ok, I still massively struggle to feel like anyone cares about me. That's definitely the deepest and most difficult thing for me. But it's also not as bad as it was.
I really hope things improve for you, it sounds like you have been going through an absolutely awful time recently as well as the difficulties you have faced all your life.
I'm reading a book titled "Divergent Mind" by Jenara Nerenberg that says being neurodivergent just makes us different. This book helped me to realize that having ADHD doesn't make me "disabled" but it makes me different. Besides who can determine normal anyway?
The person's who dictate what my time is worth. Companies who hide malevolent intentions with an absolute disregard for human rights. Federal and State laws are being broken, bent, or erased and I can't even get a whistleblower organization to give a damn.
I was tired of trying to explain also. Then one day I realized that non ADHD people don't get it and never will. I no longer try to explain or even say I'm ADHD. Its an exercise in futility. So open your curtains and turn on all the lights in the house. Most importantly, I do care and I do get it.
Oh I LOVE that advice 'open your curtains and switch all the lights on'. Sometimes it feels as though we dim our personal lights doesn't it, just to fit in. I'm off to open the curtains and switch the lights on, may put some music on as well x
Boy. What a great analogy. I think you just me something to really think about. I agree. As ADHD we really do close down. From now I will focus on opening my personality curtains and not just my house's. Thank you for a new perspective.
Living with ADHD, especially in a world that often misunderstands or dismisses it, is truly isolating and exhausting. It’s not fair that you’ve had to repeatedly explain yourself, only to be met with judgment or indifference. Your experiences, your feelings, and your struggles matter, and the frustration and sadness you feel are not a reflection of your worth—they’re a reflection of how society has failed to offer the compassion you need.
You’ve endured so much, and the fact that you’ve kept going, even through tears and frustration, shows an extraordinary strength (I get how annoying it can be to be called "strong," but it’s important to recognize that we ADHD individuals are, even when we feel so weak). I know you’re tired, and I wish I could take some of that burden off your shoulders. You are not defined by the misunderstanding of others. You are defined by your persistence, your sensitivity, and your humanity—all things that make you worthy of love and acceptance.
If there’s even a small part of you that feels like reaching out for support, please do. Especially the 988 Crisis Lifeline number samhsa.gov/mental-health/98.... There are people who care deeply, and there are resources that can help—support groups (chadd.org/affiliate-locator/), therapists who truly understand ADHD, and spaces where you can share your story without fear of being dismissed.
What I’ve learned on my ADHD journey is to embrace being fabulously imperfect. It's about being your true, authentic self without worrying about how others perceive you or whether they accept you. It's not your responsibility to make people understand you, especially when ADHD is affecting you in ways that others may not fully grasp—even if that’s what you truly want. We all have to unlearn the need to be understood because not everyone will. But as long as we keep learning about ADHD, we’ll keep learning more about ourselves. Often, this need for understanding stems from being misunderstood from a young age, and it can feel like a trauma response. In the end, I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but even as strangers, people can still care enough to speak up because they resonate with what you're saying—even if you’re just ranting and telling them to ignore it.
Keep your head up in a world that can feel dark and ugly, because you never know the light you might bring to others walking the same path.
It's not that they don't care. It's that they don't understand; they cannot relate or fathom that an intelligent, creative person can be so incompetent. We are not losers. We don't have to believe the put-downs from the "neurotypical world", including family and employers. Being diagnosed at age 72, I can now let go of a lifetime of self-hatred and brush off others' judgments. And I can get the help I need to function and get my desired outcomes. Instead of frustration with myself, I am learning patience and courage to find new ways that my brain can adapt to.
The voices I read here are comforting and inspiring. ❤️
I truly feel your “rant”. Although, it doesn’t come off as a rant to most of us who struggle in the same way. What you’re talking about is exhaustion. Exhaustion from feeling shame for being “lazy” or “bad”, embarrassment for being such a “mess”, loneliness for not fitting in with others who seem to have it all together. Maybe even some self hatred for continually letting yourself and others down because you repeat the same patterns. Do you identify with any of this?
I find the day-to-day interactions with people who don’t have ADHD to be very exhausting and hurtful. Especially when I’m trying to feel understood. Whether it’s me holding up a line at a grocery store because I can’t find my wallet in my purse or missing a doctor’s appointment because it slipped my mind. People are genuinely frustrated with me in these moments, I’ve let them down. But it’s the shame and pressure I put on myself that is worse than anything they think of me.
A lot of well meaning people try to empathize with us by saying things like, oh I forget my keys sometimes or I, too, struggle with paying attention. But it’s not the same and it’s not their fault for not realizing that, they just understand and never will. They are trying to understand. The fact of the matter is, many of us with adhd have to work 1000 times harder just to function “normally” throughout the day. We have to keep our mask… better yet, our costumes 🤣 on to appear that we have it all together. And the first sign when something happens that unravels that façade the rest of our day is shit! You probably know that feeling… we start everyday with our “tools” to function “normally “ in society. We don’t just get up and brush our teeth, comb our hair and run out the door. We have to get our costumes prepared. All the while checking our pockets five times each for our keys, wallets, etc. while we’re walking out the door. Then checking once again in the car and at our destination. I once slammed my dogs tail in the car door because I had to keep going back in the house once I realized that I forgot something. Of course, he jumped out every time. They had to amputate the tip of his tail. I felt and still feel awful about this! By the way, I missed his previous appointment the week before because it slipped my mind. True story.
Anyway, the best advice I could give myself and others is to stop trying to feel understood by those who don’t struggle with the same issues. We should, however, try to cut them some slack. After all, we don’t always understand what others are going through when it’s not our struggle either. We do, however, have to try to stop worrying about what other people think about us in our “bad” moments and more importantly, reach out to people and communities like this who are going through the same thing. Easier said than done, especially when we lose jobs or go through divorces because of our adhd. But, hopefully you can find peace in knowing you’re not alone.
I also want to add that it hurts me to hear that you feel the next life may be better. If I could wish anything for you, it would be to feel settled and content in the life you have. I have no control over this, but it doesn’t mean I don’t feel for you.
Thank you for the reply. Not knowing if my family is going to be homeless again, if we'll have to go hungry again, weather or not they are to cold to sleep again pain me uncontrollably. I must push myself past the heart crushing panic attacks that grip me every night, wonder if tonight is my last night on earth because of what feels like a heart attack is finally going to kill me over and over. Desperate as I stare up at the ceiling night after night unable to sleep or unable to eat. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, no matter how loud i scream into the void. I will never be able to provide the life my childern deserve for the simple fact that I was cursed from the get go. I can't say how many times we've been walked over, or stepped on. How many promises for a better life turn to ash once we reach for them. Lawyers who readily accept a greedy paycheck from the very people who take advantage of laws that no one enforces. Companies who twist facts in their favor with a poisonous tongue.
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Is defined as fundamental, unalienable rights that all people are entitled to. Supposedly the rights to live freely, to make choices about one's life without undue interference, and to strive for personal fulfillment and well-being. What they feel like, I've never known, just another empty ash filled promise.
ChaosDad, Thank you for your honest words. All the replies you've received have given me such a sense of belonging, which is hard to come by with ADHD. We understand you! I hope you have a sense of belonging too. There is a lot of practical wisdom in the replies and I hope that some of them speak to you. Please keep coming back to this deep well to quench your thirst for understanding. You will find it every time. And stay away from dry wells. : )
My thing with this is when I tell someone because a trait has just shown itself...I get 'better not eat any smarties'😡😡 off all the symptoms and struggle with adhd I simply don't jave hyperactivity...it does become very invalidating
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Seeking Therapist that understands /focuses in adult ADHD in Houston- that takes insurance. Diagnosed four years ago- please help
I hate my brain...
Just a little pick me up
ADHD: Painfully Downhearted and hopeless
We're in this together...so no giving up, please!!
