My daughter is not going down for nap, I have to do work that I have been working on for three days and have not gotten to the point where I’ve moved the needle at all, my husband is furious at me, and I don’t know what in the world to cook for dinner.
I’m sick of this cycle. Anyone looking at me would say bipolar, psycho, multiple personalities, how could you switch one way and a few seconds later be another.
I’m not crazy I just have adhd. Why can anyone hear that. I FREAKIN HAVE ADHD and I’m not making excuses!!!! Ahhhhhhhh😤😭😩
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Chrysalis3
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I cry not solely because I feel like a victim . I cry because I know I’ve messed up a million times and I cry because I know I could do better. I stay quiet because I’ve messed things up so bad that if I say one more word would it fix it or damage it.
Majority of times it’s just paralysis.
It’s a rough day yall…this is a rough day …this is adhd and core morbidities.
😭😭😭😭I feel like I’m crazy …I have little good words for myself…when I speak to my husband it’s just a spiral downhill.
This right here IS how adhd eaffects marriages …..
I wish I could help you figure everything out, but I suppose that is unrealistic. What I can share instead is that sometimes days, weeks, like these happen, and it is unimaginable to someone viewing us from the outside perspective. What you're describing in terms of causing a panic attack is not just an ADHD thing but rather the unfair burden placed on the shoulders of working moms everywhere. This is not to belittle your experience one bit; in fact, it's quite the opposite. If I were under that same duress and didn't have ADHD, I am quite certain that I'd have a panic attack as well. The thing is, I have been in similar situations, and I'm not even a mom, I'm a Dad! The amount of stuff my wife does for our baby under 5 yo is enough to make my head spin. And so the idea of adding ADHD to the list of challenges she is dealing with on a daily basis just seems impossible.
However, you are proof that nothing is impossible. I'm not sure how you get out of these stressful situations in the future, but I hope it's something that your husband will be willing to discuss with you when you do arrive at a less stressful day. Talking about it right now when you're at your limit may feel good in the near term, but if you're worried it may come out wrong, then journal to yourself what you wish you could say right now. Read it in a couple days from now and see if you think it's logical or if it's your stress pressing the boundaries. This exercise can give you more self confidence to know and recognize you are not crazy and are just having a difficult time coping with everything being demanded of you. That is normal!!
I don’t even have words. As we speak I am engaged in an argument with my husband and I feel like a child being scolded by their parent. Like I can’t do anything right. At this point I have frustrated him so much …it’s become a mess just a disaster.
I am made to be this monster…he tells me you are a bomb to dodge not a bullet. You’re psycho. I’m not innocent but I’m not who he says I am
it is said that women do not necessarily “ create” anything. instead, we tend to multiply whatever we are given. and then add adhd to that equation- we feel everything a bit more intense.
so what your husband is receiving from you is partially his own doing…… 😭
Him scolding you and saying things like that to you are absolutely not okay.
I hope things have calmed down between you two.
He needs to have a better understanding of ADHD.
If this is a regular occurrence, then you both probably need individual therapy, and also couples therapy together.
I've heard a relationship expert day many times that most couples wait an average of SIX YEARS before seeking help from a relationship professional. Many couples are able to make improvements to their relationships with the help of counseling...but both partners have got to be committed to doing their own part.
His part ought to include learning about ADHD and being accepting of the fact that you have it, and that means that you will have a different approach to life than neurotypical people do.
• Different does not in any way mean "wrong". You can be a good person, good wife, and good parent...but have to do things differently, and maybe get extra help with certain things, because of your ADHD.
.....
<Sigh> I want so much to be able to coach other men on how to be an understanding husband/partner and father. It pains me to hear about men who let anger take control, like it sounds like has happened with your husband.
The things is he has adhd himself and he works his butt off to manage things. So imagine here I am a complete mess that is turning his life upside down.
I agree I wish he would understand me . But he says if I am asking him to understand I’m asking him to accept.
Respect is a huge thing for him. I’ve done a lot in our course of friendship and courtship to drive anyone insane but I’m truly not doing things to drive him insane or watch him drive himself to the ground which is what he believes.
He told me today that I have a dark heart and that I’m a horrible human being. How could I see my daughter and him struggling so much and yet allow his cries to go unheard and our precious daughter’s life be mixed with chaos.
How could I let yet another summer go by and no family vacation. Why am I allowing this family to be in such a state of chaos and horror….
My body is just an open wound right now. But their wound is worse
It sounds like you are dealing with shame. It sounds like you need some compassion.
A marriage should be about helping one another. From generation to generation, people keep saying that it's about "compromise", but I don't like to think of it as completely so. Yeah, there is some need to compromise, but you cannot compromise your well-being.
Your family has needs, but when you are not able to meet those needs yourself, that's when you need your husband to fill the gap, or you need some outside help.
• Sometimes, we find that we can make some sacrifices, or make do with something other than what we thought we needed. One thing that ADHD can make us excellent at is finding creative solutions to problems.
~~~~~
Even though I was the only spouse in my marriage with ADHD, and I often needed to rely on my wife to do the "adulting" (by which I mean things like meal planning and paying bills on time).
Then, later in the marriage, she had some health issues. I had to take on everything, and I somehow found myself able to do so. (But I did have to ask for some help sometimes. I needed some therapy, plus some support from my parents, friends, and some people from my church.)
I'm not likening myself to you in your current circumstances, but to your husband. I did what I had to do to help my wife and family.
Yes, I got burned out, but it was a sacrifice that I signed up for when I said, "I do."
~~~~~
I'm not saying that your husband has to step up and take on everything. But if he can be compassionate towards you in your current state, and if he can carry some more of the load temporarily, then it will give you the opportunity to get into a better state, a better frame of mind.
~~~~~
Definitely show him Respect. That's the dialect of Love that men speak and hear. A man can be told all day long but his wife that she loves him, but he will recognize that love best when she shows him that she respects him.
(I recommend the book titled Love & Respect, to be able to understand this concept well. It's based on a couple of verses in the New Testament of the Bible, so it is religious based. The author's views are a bit old-fashioned for some. So, it may or may not be the sort of relationship book that you would likely read, but I still recommend it. ~ I also recommend The Five Love Languages.)
It sucks that people don’t understand our conditions. To help loved ones understand, I suggest 3 you tube channels and their books. 1. How to ADHD (book same name). 2. ADHD_love (book is dirty laundry). 3. The holderness family (their book is ADHD is awesome). My partner and I are listening to the last one now,and talking openly about it.
It is harder for ADHD women because we are supposed to be able to organize family functions and such, but we simply cant all of the time. People with ADHD also feel things so deeply, its to our cores and will switch feeling at the drop of a hat.
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