What do you think about a game night where the rules are changed to better accommodate people with ADHD?

[mmcaulay]

In my last post, I looked at how ignoring some of the rules of solitaire could result in a more enjoyable experience for those with ADHD. It got me thinking how many games have elements that can be truly disruptive for people with certain ADHD symptoms.

One of the most common is the use of timers. "Hurry up! You only have until the sand runs out to answer!" I don't know about you, but I find this incredibly stressful, and not in a kind of thrilling way. While I do understand the practical reason for these rules, and in general, I think they are fine, I wonder what it would be like to have the group of friends you might usually have game nights with, occasionally update the rules based on the symptoms of those present. Obviously, there is a need for trust here, so you'd probably want to consider if your friends would be able to handle such a discussion. I can also see this being mortifying for some.

But putting those scenarios aside for a moment, I was very curious to hear the kinds of rule changes you'd all be interested in seeing. As I mentioned, timers kind of ruin the experience for me. I think you'd also have to make sure everyone did their best to keep it snappy, if they were able, to prevent the whole game from getting bogged down.

Given my own memory issues, I'd also like to see a rule change regarding how close you have to be to the answer for it to be considered correct. I can just about always remember the gist of something, but I can't recall the details on command to save my life. Not having to be precise could allow for a more relaxed and rewarding experience.

Perhaps the hardest thing is getting people to truly understand that this isn't just a case of you not bothering to know something, or a mere dislike of a game mechanic. There are so many unspoken rules in life that can whack us in the face like a 2x4, that I can't help but hope that such game nights might "soften the ground," for better understanding in personal relationships and work conditions.

So, what rules would you like to see changed?

[wtfadhd]

games are for entertainment, stress relief, hobby, pleasure etc… why not just choose the games and the people who you are playing them with that everyone is able to play using the set rules instead of turning stress relief time into self absorbed stress time?

i would be so annoyed if i showed up at game night to play n instead of playing i had to spend time discussing how to change a game to meet the preferences, of each dang person of the room creating a “ safe space” so that everyone felt equally accommodated for their cognitive, emotional, physical limitations. omg my skin would crawl.

game night is not required to get a paycheck etc- its for fun. thats it. how bout we take responsibility for our own limitations n be okay with it. if u r blind- dont try to play pictionary, , if you happen to be colorblind- dont try to play uno- if u dont like to feel rushed, dont play games with timers.. etc etc…. not bc u r a bad or stupid or incompetent person. just bc those particular games will not likely bring u stress relief, nor pleasure. simple as that.

[mmcaulay in reply to wtfadhd]

Many people, myself included, don't have such a wide range of friends with such varying interests that we get to choose these things.

I certainly wouldn't suggest springing this on anyone. If it makes their skin crawl, they can skip that night. My own experience is with a small set of friends who get together for game nights as often as can be managed. These would be close friends, already generally interested in the well-being of the others in the group.

I think it's important to remember, ADHD symptoms have nothing to do with preferences. We don't get to "compromise," in terms of what it does to us. We can rationalize all we want, but at least in my experience, I don't get a choice in many cases. What I've found is my brain simply doesn't raise the issue to the level of consciousness for me to be able to "catch" the behavior and alter it.

In terms of the games I play on my own, such as video games, I make sure I select ones based on my own limitations. In terms of "taking responsibility for my own limitations," I've certainly made my peace with it. But the advice you're giving would likely lead to most people with ADHD to self-isolate. To not try to be a "bother" to the world. This plays into many deep issues for people with ADHD.

Are you saying it's only worth being compassionate when a paycheck is tied to it? That the only reason to accommodate another person, a friend, is because you're forced to? If that's your view, then this thread is probably not for you.

[wtfadhd in reply to mmcaulay]

i didnt say anything like that. at all.

im saying that when dealing with employment we MUST follow our companies policies and rules. In organized sports, we MUST follow established rules. In dealing with our childrens’s schools n then their colleges we MUST follow the rules too. For those adhd extroverts who dislike following rules we disagree with, bc of our jobs( livilihood), bc we desire to get along with our kids educators, because traffic laws must be followed as do laws to avoid incarceration. etc etc etc. rules we disagree with are everywhere!!! so on our adhd free time for pure entertainment( no other reason-just pleasure) then we have the pleasure to pick games to enjoy with other people simply bc we happen to like the parameters of the game- those rules are fun!!! and if we dont find those rules to be fun- we can engage in a different game finally, a chance to have pleasurable rules. so my point is- if we personally( adhd or not) dont like an aspect of a game and dont find it pleasurable/ then just accept it n play a different game. thats all. adhd or not.

[mmcaulay in reply to wtfadhd]

It honestly sounds like our life experiences, at least socially, are so different that we will likely just end up talking past each other.

Hope you have a pleasant rest of your week.

[wtfadhd in reply to mmcaulay]

i think u r right and its a perfect example of how adhd shows up in very different ways!

you enjoy rest of your week as well.

[MaudQ]

This is a brilliant idea! Not just for adults but for kids too. It can be crushing to be the ADHD sibling who struggles with games that seems so easy for everyone else. There’s no reason not to, we accommodate work & school, why not fun? It’s one of my pet peeves about the Homo Economicus mentality behind a lot of ADHD support. So much of it is set up to help you with work and school and then at 6p you’re on your own! I’m also a big fan of house rule changes anyway, especially legacy games like Monopoly and Risk. My biggest issue is short term memory, so time to write notes to myself would make a difference. Or anything that made the mental process visible. I freaking love the little notepads you get with Clue. Curious to see where you go with this!

[mmcaulay in reply to MaudQ]

Thanks! I do think shaking up the rules now and again is actually healthy for everyone's brains. It's good to view things from a new perspective.

It's not that the world has to bend around us. But given the invisible nature of our disability, I think we sometimes have to be more vocal, not just for ourselves, but all our fellow ADHDers (Not a word, but I'm going with it. :)). When people are aware, it opens the door to understanding which can lead to a less hostile environment when we do need to ask for specific accommodations at work, in life, etc.

So much of what we need isn't worse or better, it's just different. Really grasping that there is more than just one right way of doing things can actually be helpful for people of all stripes.

In any event, it would certainly be interesting, and a bit fun, to try to think of ways rules might be changed for these purposes.

[PinkPanda23]

I detest game night and always have. There are too many aspects of games that highlight my processing speed and memory deficiencies, not to mention strategy. I love word games because I'm good at them, but mostly I like games I can play by myself, at my pace, and at levels that challenge me. Games of chance (think drawing cards, rolling dice, or finding a number or word like Bingo) level the playing field for me, so I can happily win or lose without competing.

I do like the idea of loosening time restrictions if possible. I also like taking a moment to go over the rules to make sure everybody agrees they play the same way. A practice round or two has always been helpful for me if I'm learning a new game. Sometimes I'll just watch others play for a while to learn how people approach the game.

Looking forward to hearing what others say. 🙂