At the end of May, I was diagnosed with ADHD after many, many years of experiencing symptoms that were always misdiagnosed or completely dismissed. I’ve been on countless medications over the years, mainly SSRIs or mood stabilizers and they either didn’t help much at all or caused concerning side effects . I struggled with focus, memory, impulsive decisions, organization, losing interest in activities quickly, half completed projects, etc for as long as I can remember— maybe around 2nd grade.
At age 16, I started self-medicating with alcohol then cocaine until 2016 when I was finally able to complete an inpatient treatment program and have been sober ever since.
My energy level has been the most frustrating part of my life. I can literally be bouncing off the walls, completely exhausted. My impulse control and filter are non existent— even working a recovery program. It amazes me sometimes how I’ve maintained sobriety as long as I have bc I fight adhd symptoms all day every day and to self-medicate would provide immediate relief.
I am seeing a therapist (he diagnosed me after 4 sessions). I have an appointment in the beginning of July to discuss medication options and will go about 3 weeks before seeing my therapist again (he’s on vacation just after diagnosis).
My struggle today is this obsession. This odd relief of someone finally hearing me and saying yes, you are living and have lived with adhd but also being stuck in limbo with no tools or information— heck I don’t even know which presentation of adhd I have been diagnosed with. I wake up every morning fighting symptoms, still using caffeine to curb some symptoms (doesn’t help long), still mind racing, still just wanting to feel better and then becoming extremely irritable because I don’t.
When you were in limbo.. we’re you obsessing? We’re you angry that you went so long not being heard? And finally, what were you doing to help with this? At this rate, I just want to find something that help— I am exhausted! In a house full of kids, with a small business, completely and utterly overwhelmed.
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Hi Adhdsmallbizowner- I was diagnosed later in life around 40 and now 45 years old. Similar to your story in which my therapist thought I had ADHD and then went on vacation. I had tried several medications for Depression but when I was referred to a psychiatrist that is the one who officially diagnosed me and switched my meds which helped. I still struggle with that limbo thing. I go crazy sometimes well most of the time with four kids, working and struggle to get things done. I don’t get angry but mostly angry/self blame still doubting my diagnosis. I think because I went so long with no diagnosis and extended family would never believe if. I have developed strategies myself over time and also a book called “Smart but scattered” (I think is the name) has helped. My husband is very understanding and he actually pays for a maid service to help with housework periodically. As I struggle with this and he also helps a lot more. I do things like have “memory spots” for things such as putting keys in the same place everyday etc. Also, try to prep my coffee the night before to reduce time in the morning as I am always running late. We have a wall calendar that we can put everyone’s schedule on and also a family calendar linked to all our cell phones which helps a lot and prevents double booking. Put reminders in there and I try to put appointments in it right away to stay on track. You may have some strategies you use already you have developed naturally over time. I am sure your therapist will help too when they get back from vacation.
thank you! Your story sounds quite familiar. I have 5 kids (two are diagnosed ADHD, 15 years old and 11 years old, boy, girl, respectively). I also tend to impulsively say yes to people even if I know I will later regret it, so I have also had my cousin’s 3 year old and 8 year old second shift m-f for 3 weeks. Why do I do this? I can hardly function in my own family so I take on yet more responsibility. And I kill it at first! Balls to the wall great two days then three days of total exhaustion and irritability. My appt is June 14 with my therapist and July 5 for psychiatry (meds). I am anxious, nervous, and playing 1,000 scenarios over and over.
I’ll look into that book, thank you! I’ve been reading Adult ADHD workbook for women on my Kindle. I’ll have to look at author if you’re interested.
Welcome to the forum, and welcome to the tribe, Adhdsmallbizowner !
There's a lot of information that fellow ADHDers have shared on this forum. Feel free to ask questions. Search the existing posts, too.
I got diagnosed at 45, in 2020, after seeing a licensed counselor for 6 sessions over 8 weeks. (She had a planned 2 week vacation in the middle.) My doctor confirmed the diagnosis and got me on medication (a month on SSRIs first, for the anxiety that I went to counseling for in the first place, then adding ADHD meds).
It's going to take time to get to see yourself in a whole new way. Many of us have gone through a period of grieving what our life "might have been like" if we had been diagnosed earlier. It's common to even revisit that grief from time to time. But I've found that, for me, embracing my ADHD, by accepting myself and my life as it has been, helped me to adjust quickly.
Kids make life lively, and challenging at times. I've got 4 of my own (2 grown, 2 in grade school). They all show signs of ADHD, though none have been diagnosed, yet.
Congrats in staying sober. That's a good accomplishment. (I have a family history of alcoholism, with some grandparents and great-grandparents, so I've continuously reminded myself that I don't ever want to become an alcoholic. (A year after the divorce [that I didn't want] was finalized, I started down a slippery slope, due to depression... And got myself into counseling, and got a new doctor so I could get the medication support I needed, too.)
Be patient with yourself.
For information, I recommend the HowToADHD YouTube channel, the ADHD reWired podcast, CHADD.org, and ADDituddmag.com
There are many good information sources, but unfortunately there are also some bad ones, so do be discerning.
I should be clear that my slippery slope was buying a bottle of bourbon, with the intent to just sip one drink per week, like my parents do, but due to the depression found myself having three drinks per week. I realized that despite my lifelong commitment not to become an alcoholic (a decision I'd made at 14 years old, when I saw that alcoholism had done to my great-grandma), I had found myself vulnerable.
... So, I scheduled the counseling (and baked the rest of the bourbon into a cake and cookies, before I could have any second thoughts about drinking it).
be right back. I need about ten minutes to find just one pen in this house. I have about 22,000 pens in this house but I think a pen monster eats them 😂 No in all seriousness— it’s really a problem. Something there one minute and then you need it and boom! Shoot where did I stick that the last 80 times I used it? Sometimes I “put things up so I’ll remember where I put it” huge lol right? Never to be seen or heard from again.
I have been on chadd.org in the last few days actually. My oldest (diagnosed ADHD and ODD oppositional defiance disorder) has broken now two windows on my home. It seems so ridiculous what triggered him but I can relate so much to that intense anger over what would seem small to nuerotypicals. I did learn there that my story is not all that uncommon. Two kids diagnosed ADHD so I start checking in on myself like, wait, maybe all of these symptoms they experience bother me bc I, too, am ADHD. 4 very long pages later, I’m like maybe, it could be so. Talk to my therapist about it. He wasn’t convinced at first. He said “the amount of things you have on your plate is enough to make the most sane person look insane.” Which made a lot of sense to me. So I go about my week trying to employ some of his suggestions only to feel guilt and shame when the suggestions didn’t make it past half maybe a whole day. So I go back to him, how the heck am I supposed to be able to do these things. I cannot organize, my brain keeps telling me this and that. Etc. he said, ok, let’s talk about that. 45 minutes later after a very condensed over sharing of what my life has been like he says, yes, untreated adhd causes your anxiety and depression not the other way around. The sense of oh shoot does not even begin to explain me trying to wrap my head around this. I’m just overwhelmed and spinning… which has just been a part of the cycle of my life for as long as I can remember. However, in recovery, I conditioned my brain NOT to use illegal drugs to cope. So, if I can do that, I can certainly use some of those same tactics to curb this, right?
Thanks for the suggestions. I’m still looking for a pen 😂 and thank you for listening to my overshared reply to your post
True but funny story. I normally keep a pen in my pocket. The one I've been carrying lately was missing from my pocket when I got home from work last Friday. I got home from work yesterday (Monday) and found the pen in my pocket.
I had accidentally left it at work on Friday, and unconsciously put it back in my pocket while at work on Monday. (It was a "freebie" pen from a vendor I work with, so it looks and feels a little different from the ordinary Bic pens I use at work.)
Sounds like you are doing an amazing job. Seriously. I mean, think of how many people don't achieve sobriety even without ADHD and the other stressors you have. That is a huge accomplishment! I'm laughing about the pens because I thought our household (3 with ADHD) was the only one with a pen-eating monster in it I was diagnosed at 50 after feeling like I have been outrunning a freight train for decades (hmmm, you mean other people don't live like this?) When current psychiatrist saw my last records, where I paid $1500 to a private psychologist with specific question "do I have ADHD?", and psychologist said "no", he just shook his head in disbelief. Yep, I would love that $1500 back :). Hugs to you.
I can relate! Diagnosed at 40, after my children were diagnosed, and years of being misdiagnosed with anxiety and depression. I have the hyperactive with impulsivity as well as inattentive type. Medication and therapy help me tremendously.
I recommend any book by the author Sari Solden including A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD. Audiobooks while moving are sometimes easier than sitting still and reading.
Podcast: Women & ADHD, Interviews with Katy Weber
Podcast: Vision Driven Mom with ADHD, Tracy Nolan Beerman
Exercise can help with focus and emotional regulation. I like Orange Theory fitness because it’s very structured and supportive.
Read an article about Executive Function and it may help guide you on what your deficits are and how to support them. Visual calendar of tasks and activities in a high traffic place in your home can help you and your family stay on task. Alarms and alerts for anything like starting dinner, 10 minutes until you have to get out to door to be on time to somewhere.
thank you for sharing! Our story sounds so similar! I have also been misdiagnosed. Anxiety, depression, ptsd, etc. I have had all those treatments, all those medications, and they help for a little while but I would still be impulsive, still feel like I am at war with my mind, and still feel completely exhausted while literally bouncing off the walls. My fiancé (not that long ago) said “you’ve been zipping around here like you’re on speed all day, no wonder you’re exhausted, just sit down.” To which I complied and then was literally stuck there for the next 3 days. The mania is so irritating: work work work until the tower falls. I do not even know where I pull this energy from, truly no idea.
I have developed a caffeine dependence but caffeine to treat some of these symptoms is a double edged sword— go for a little while but the crash is miserable! So I drink yet more caffeine, rinse and repeat. Heart skips a beat, shaky, upset stomach, dry mouth. Though I’m learning, and didn’t realize until I started paying attention, some days, I go hours without eating or drinking. Kicker is, I feed my kids— yet don’t feed myself. Make that make sense.
I’m trying to embrace this diagnosis but right now I’m a little angry, a little confused, and a whole lot of what the heck am I to do now? Though, that need for instant gratification is not helping matters.
I found my pen lol so I’m writing down your suggestions as well. Thank you so much for sharing and I will do my best to keep you all updated. Each one of you taking the time out of your lives to help me has touched my heart so much! Thank you!
With time you’ll be able to better slow down the traffic in your mind and stick with one thought or task to its conclusion.
Taking care of others and forgetting to take care of your basic needs is common with ADHD. Some of it may be the unconscious use of anxiety/stress/pressure to get ourselves to stay on task and focus. You can relearn new and healthier strategies in time.
Learn belly breathing if you find you’re breathing shallow into your chest. It brings the anxiety down.
Be kind to yourself. You’ve come so far and you’re taking care of so many. You have so much more growth ahead of you!
I can totally relate to your feeling with bouncing off walls. I always called it "buzzing like a bee". My energy is not external though, but builds up and I lash out if I have too much of it. My brain is all over the place, and it comes out as I am not listening to others.
I was diagnosed 2 years ago, and was in limbo without meds because my previous doc wanted to get my anxiety in order first. I had been in counseling for 15 years and still losing jobs over my impulsions. It really was frustrating. What gave me solace was researching others who were also diagnosed. "How to ADHD" and "ADHD love" were a couple groups that helped me because they had similar behaviors and helped me have less guilt over my behaviors. My PCP finally got me my first stimulant med, and it took 3 raising of them in the last 2 months and I am finally starting to see any difference. It is easier to just sit and use the coping mechanisms (breathing) that I have been taught for so long. I am realizing that my anxiety is caused BY my ADHD symptoms and I am less anxious, brood less and am able to sleep for the first time. It definitely hasn't fixed my impulsions, but it is making it easier to make progress on them. It may help to get the diagnosis in writing and to show your employer if your condition has affected work. They will have to make accommodations.
While in limbo, research these groups like you are doing, and research these articles. Look into genetic testing (There are actual ADHD clinics that do this, but the wait list can be 6 months). Also, start practicing meditation (I recommend contacting your doc and insurance and see if they are able to get the calm app, Balance or Loona for you at no cost). Read articles, as I am doing as well.What helped me was having some of those goals, and realizing there are more in your boat than you think.
Interestingly, I have combined type but the hyperactivity shows up as my mind churning endlessly, instead of as physically moving around constantly. It can actually keep me interested in many books, in learning throughout life, etc. But it can make me ruminate on negative things too. I think that’s why I was misdiagnosed as MDD. I also talk too much & am working very hard on this, as it’s a source of tremendous shame. I was not a hyperactive kid in the traditional sense. I read the articles online during COVID about people being bored—-I felt bad for those people! I can entertain myself for hours with my own brain 😂😂😂😂. It’s a curse, though, for having a set sleep routine.
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I was diagnosed at 50 after feeling like I have been outrunning a freight train for decades (hmmm, you mean other people don't live like this?) When current psychiatrist saw my last records, where I paid $1500 to a private psychologist with specific question "do I have ADHD?", and psychologist said "no", he just shook his head in disbelief. Yep, I would love that $1500 back :). Hugs to you.
New here, 55 year old who was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 53. I
My first psychiatrist did me dirty
Any experience with UPenn's Adult ADHD program or psychiatrists / therapists in Philly area?
Newly diagnosed, best help?
