Culture toxicity

[Thechildleftbehind]

I am guilted, in to situations by family, shamed at the slightest opposition, villainized for my observations/opinion, and feel completely disregarded and oppressed. Is it only me? #family

[JazzElvis1]

Fo you have RSD with ADHD, I feel often like this with family and the RSD has made sense to me , I’m very sensitive in these situations and social settings

[Thechildleftbehind in reply to JazzElvis1]

If only RSD😑😐

[MTA-]

Tell me about it!

We've all been there.

But when we feel that we're always being oppressed, or guilted, or disagreed with, we have a tendency to dig our heels in. If others say we're always wrong, then we think we're always right. This wouldn't be happening if at least some of what you're feeling wasn't real, but maybe your family have some points.

Or maybe they don't, I know it can be toxic to tell people that they need to listen to their family, when some families are terrible. And I don't want to dismiss the neuroticness that comes from being in your position, where you may be constantly doubting yourself. I went through that.

All I am saying is keep an open mind to both possibilites. Remember that if something *keeps* happening to you, then you're the common denominator. And try to look past your feelings. If your family aren't acting like they should, they're probably acting from a place or pure emotion. You can be a step ahead and above them by asking yourself some clear-eyed questions about what's really going on.

And hey, if they are all terrible or you've burned too many bridges, there's always the found family. Look at how the LGBTQIA+ community do it. So many of them get totally and literally abandoned by their families just for being who they are. So their friends group fills the role that family does for others.

[Thechildleftbehind in reply to MTA-]

I am lgbtqia+ and as a child i was abused by my family and the adults around me. I also know it was a scary time, of less acceptance, and less progress, and the world around us has and is changing for better every day. The price "profligate-prōflīgāre" my life!

[ADHDuderino]

WOW! Are you married to my wife too? But no, in seriousness, rejection sensitivity, feeling unheard, constantly guilty (and therefore easily "guilted") being "the bad guy" all the time, "hypersensitivity", this has been my own narrative for a while. Its symptomatic of "Gaslighting", which can be unintentional (or otherwise) and as ADHDers we are both highly vulnerable to receiving its effects and to unknowingly commiting it! Its as if your whole "self" is constantly undermined and undervalued so often, that you believe it to be true. It destabalises your sense of self.I know in my situation, therapy was very helpful, not only to identify my own sensitivity to anything negative but also to point out that in many situations, in fact alot, it was not me being "hypersensetive", over reacting, "having big feelings", it was all those things combined with someone actually being actively unkind and using these vulnerabilities for impact. Yes I am very sensitive, YES I am more likely to get upset, but I am not actively seeking to harm anyone else, others are not always playing by the same rules. I hope you are able to get some perspective from outside your family, it can be incredibly helpful and healing.

🌈🦄🐒

If there is any doubt, there is no doubt and if you can do nothing else, be kind.

[Thechildleftbehind in reply to ADHDuderino]

No wife, just a Catholic mother.There would be no woman brave enough to marry me. That's why I'm gay. Lol.

Disclaimer: "Homosexuality" is not a choice. This statement was made as a coping mechanism by a victim of abuse. Abuse is not to be condoned or promoted in any way, shape or form. If you see something, say something.

Please dial 911 for help. 🤦‍♂️

[anotheradhdhead]

You might also look into whether you are in a narcissistic family dynamic. youtu.be/-vgnalJmMUk(Not working as expected?)

[Thechildleftbehind in reply to anotheradhdhead]

I remember those videos.😊 I watched them all.☹️ And now I'm here... Does... This... Mean... The end is near, I'm doomed.🤦

[FredaN in reply to anotheradhdhead]

Why does it seem like I've been in a lot of narcissistic situations - family, school, work, "friends"? I start to think the only common factor is me and, while I'm aware I'm a bit weird, it's hard not to think that I'm the problem

I'll never forget in my 20s my Grandma referred to my brother as "golden boy" when we were alone and that I didn't get the same level of support he did. She said her and my auntie had noticed it too. I was quite surprised, as I was always told I was paranoid and oversensitive about that! No one had ever said anything to me about it until that point. Unfortunately, I think my ADHD & Autism is now used as evidence that I really am the problem (my parents treated my autism assessment like defence during a trial).

[75ADHDgal]

Oh boy can I relate! First of all those of us with ADHD have little or no filters so we say what comes into our head ! and most of us tend to interrupt folks . I used to say well I know what they are going to say so I will just answer! well that was OK when I lived in NY because New Yorkers have a tendency to do that anyway but not in California . And as for diggiong in our heals and feeling like we have to be right - well so does everyone else but they hide is better than we do and most of us are pretty darn sensitive . MY suggestions if you are not on some medications get started on some 2- Get into theraphy 3- find a ADHD support group 4- Learn to meditate and slow yourself down 5 - learn to say I am sorry and not feel put upon-

[Thechildleftbehind in reply to 75ADHDgal]

I'm sorry it's how I start conversations. 😔The only support I get in my area is built into my underwear.🥜I made the therapist cry.🤷‍♂️

Self-medication is less of a hassle for me. ⚕️ There's no lines at the trap house, and you don't have to make an appointment.

I wish I were kidding.

[Thechildleftbehind]

You guys, I think I have found home a group of people that have tried everything possible and refuse to take no answer as an answer. It's you guys you make me feel so valid loved excepted. Thank you!