New To The Community - The Start to My Journey

[Hard2ThinkofUserName]

Hello Community...

Sorry for the long read, TLDR at the bottom...

I am new within the community and have been pursuing a diagnosis for ADHD since the beginning of this year. I've been pretty convinced for the past 3 years or so that I have ADHD once I started to really look into it and listening to audible books "Driven to Distraction", "Women with Attention Deficit Disorder", "Scattered Minds" plus the endless Additude articles. I realized wow - this is me wrapped up in so many of these stories and descriptions. Before that I had a few people tell me they thought I had ADHD and I laughed it off - I thought I'm holding my jobs down, I've had long term relationships, I'm getting by...

My mom was diagnosed shortly before I started to look into it for myself, originally she thought I couldn't have it because I come across organized (I have piles of misc. items every where), I'm on the ball or my house is clean (I'm really good at the mad dash company of coming over and my partners have held me to a certain standard, which I can appreciate) - Until I started to explain my symptoms of non-stop mind chatter, procrastination, distractibility, zoning out, my quick to anger and quick to be back and on and on and on which I guess I either learned to mask, or because she is also has ADHD and just wasn't able to see it.

Now comes to the beginning of this year - the tests online and the ones my doctor has given me say that it is highly likely that I have ADHD. I have been very clear that I want to try medication to my doctor, but I wonder if I've pushed it to the point he thinks I'm trying to abuse the situation? He first started me on Wellbutrin, which I had an allergic reaction to, and then Strattera which made me extremely irritable and I told my doctor it relieved symptoms of my anxiety, but I didn't find that it helped much in other areas. I am now confused if it was actually calming the chatter in my brain and I correlate that with my anxiety? As in, I'm not articulating myself properly to him. He says he's old school and doesn't feel comfortable prescribing a stimulant (I'm 33 years old, no adult history of substance abuse or anything of that sort to give reason not to). He is saying since I suffer from anxiety and there is mental health in my family that he's not comfortable (which one is it... old school or because of anxiety and family mental health...). We agreed on a referral to a psychiatrist.

I had a psychiatrist appointment yesterday over the phone. I once again don't feel like I've articulated myself well, I had to ask him to repeat the questions over and over and then at the very end when he started to discuss the diagnosis, I zoned out for the first 30 seconds... He then went to tell me he thinks I have generalized and social anxiety and I was too embarrassed for him to start from the beginning to see if he had said ADHD first. I know I have anxiety, but I know that 85% of my anxiety comes from not completing what I need to do to move forward and fulfilling who I am and feeling that I waste so much time. Not being able to start tasks. Not being able to hold my attention long enough to create quality work. So because I talked about how I feel over how I function, I don't know what the end result is. He said since I didn't see a difference with Strattera than he doesn't know what to say, it should have done something.

He did mention Vayvanse and Concerta in passing (which vayvanse is what I've been wanting to be prescribed from reading other peoples success and is also what my mom is on). He proceeded to tell me you can't inject them because they won't get you high since they're slow metabolizing... What the heck did I say during the appointment for him to feel the need to tell me that?! Maybe he says that to everyone. I asked him if he could provide me the report or something to read to be able to better understand the appointment (I didn't retain much). He said the report will be for my doctor, but to read the book "Mood over Mind" because my inability to focus and distractibility is due to my anxiety.

I am feeling defeated - I had a major breakdown to my partner after the appointment. I am so scared that I will never meet my potential or meet my goals. I am scared that I'm not believed and that this report is now going to make my doctor think okay, definitely not going that route. I am if I keep pressing the issue or if I should keep looking to find more appropriate people for in my corner (psychiatrist was one from the hospital, not specialized). Or is my doctor going to think I'm chasing a diagnosis or thinking I'm chasing stimulants.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for with writing this, other then perhaps being heard. Thank you if you've gotten this far.

TLDR: Seeking diagnosis since beginning of 2022. Dr. has said both he's "old school"/doesn't want to prescribe stims due to anxiety and mental health in family. Tried Wellbutrin and Strattera with not much success. First Psych appt. yesterday diagnosed with generalized and social anxiety - zoned out for the first 30 seconds, unsure if any mention of ADHD (some mention of possible Vyvanse and Concerta meds). Psych told me inability to focus and distractbility due to anxiety. Talked more about feels than how I function. Scared this will now solidify my doctor saying no to meds. Should I keep looking for appropriate team to back me, or will it be perceived as chasing a diagnosis or chasing stims.

[GatsbyCat]

Hello, Hard2ThinkofUserName~

Thank you for writing the group and welcome!

Lot's going on in your life!! And, yes getting a diagnosis for ADHD, THEN getting the right perscription is a whole journey in itself.

You sound fairly convinced yourself that you have ADHD. Did you know that there are many free online ADHD tests? Type this into google and you'll have a whole listing of tests for you to try out.

Next, let's talk about your "old school" psychiatrist. First, medicine is the number ONE thing that helps with ADHD. Yes, behavior management, excersize, eating well, vitamins all help out, Oh along with meditation. BUT, if medicine is not there, these are simply NOT as effective. And, getting the medication PLUS the right dosage is a journey in itself. Don't feel bad about switching doctors.

Sorry to say Mr Old School is not up to date on ADHD. You must be your own best advocate and Speak UP for YOURSELF. No one else can do this for you, so start doing it now. Get a more updated doctor, as this will impact your whole life. Do NOT SETTLE for someone who is okay.

Have you thought of online therapy?

Http://betterhelp.com This site has a good list of people that are qualified to help. It costs nothing to check out, and they try to match you up with someone compatable. If youre not happy, you can change!

I'd also recommend a couple of other books:

ADHD2.0 by Hallowell and Ratey

Taking Charge of ADULT ADHD by Russel Barkely and Christina Benton (2nd edition)

Sounds like you are aware of the genetics that ADHD can be passed down to children, and since your Mom has it, chances are you do too.

Hope these ideas help you out. Good luck on this journey called life.

Best regards~

GatsbyTheCat

🐈

[Hard2ThinkofUserName in reply to GatsbyCat]

Thank you GastbyCat

I have done some online tests and the basic tests that my family doctor has given me. I've scored high and very likely. It's my doctor who is saying he's not comfortable prescribing the medication due to my anxiety. He gave me the referral to a psychiatrist (I should have took the time to research my area for a professional who specializes in ADHD - but was referred to the hospital psychiatrist).

I feel validated by your response, thank you - I guess that's what I was looking for by writing the community. With my doctors response I thought maybe I was putting too much emphasis on medication (although I know it's only one tool in the toolkit - but I'm hoping it's like the project manager for all the other tools). I've since contacted an ADHD Coach in my community to perhaps help me with how to move forward as well as contacted different practices that offer neuropsychological assessments or something of the sort - although I am finding out they are very expensive.

Ultimately, it comes down to my doctor though - I have to figure out how to communicate with them, especially now I am going to have a psychiatrist report officially diagnosing me with Anxiety - part of the excuse of not allowing me to try medication in the first place.

[Jozlynn]

Hi Hard2ThinkofUserName! I got a chuckle out of your user name. My son couldn't come up with an email so his email address was thebestemail. 😆

This is just my two cents - so please take it for what it's worth. I am SO damn tired of doctor's who are hesitant to prescribe needed medications because someone MIGHT be seeking to abuse them. That being said, I highly recommend backing off on the push to be put on meds and instead push for a formal diagnosis. Try to avoid zeroing in on the treatment and instead insist that you be formally diagnosed. I also highly recommend finding a psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD. Because there are, unfortunately, a lot of people seeking to get on a stimulant for the wrong reasons, if someone comes into the appointment being all about the meds (not saying you are, just using this as an example) they have a bad tendency to actually avoid prescribing the meds. It almost feels spiteful sometimes. Make being formally diagnosed your top priority because once you're formally diagnosed, if they still refuse to give you the meds you think would help, you can seek another psychiatrist and simply tell them you've been diagnosed but the former doctor's treatment wasn't helping and weren't listening to you.

My psychiatrist, who my general doctor sent me to for the purpose of being tested for ADHD, decided that it was "just" depression (after almost 20 years of continuously trying different antidepressants) and I just wasn't on the correct antidepressant. I went 6 months doing what they told me to do - taking the antidepressant he thought would solve all my problems - and continuously reiterating that I couldn't focus, I had no motivation, no real drive, and I was still forgetting everything - before the PA finally asked, "Have you ever been tested for ADHD?" I burst out laughing and reminded her that it was what I'd come to them for to begin with. She - the PA - couldn't understand why the psychiatrist hadn't gone that route to begin with. Unfortunately, I think I know why - and it's because I thought full disclosure was the route to take in that situation. He used something genuinely irrelevant to just dismiss me (it was historical information), I believe, because he jumped to the conclusion that I was seeking the drugs. I never mentioned ADHD again and somehow they came to the ADHD conclusion on their own 6 months later. I told them I would absolutely try this new antidepressant, because my goal is to find out what was wrong and find a way to help it. I wish I had pushed harder for a diagnosis sooner, but when it did happen - and they prescribed me Adderall - it was utterly life-changing.

I wish you ALL the best with getting the help you need!

[Hard2ThinkofUserName in reply to Jozlynn]

I totally thought I had responded to you! Thank you for your response and sharing your journey.

I still haven't heard from my doctor in regards to a follow-up appointment after the psych in beginning of October. I keep thinking I should contact them and atleast ask for them to send me the report. It's disappointing a bit... I've reached out to a couple more practices for an assessment - they're around $2,500 which I have benefits, but it'll use them all up and I'm currently in psychotherapy once a week, I'm still sitting on the fence how to move forward.

I had an appointment with an adhd coach and freaking loved her - but once again it's expensive to see her. Eventually I'll be able to afford it, but last year was a hard year in my industry.

I feel like I'm waiting waiting waiting and nothing is getting done and I'm stumped on how to move forward. It feels in ways it comes down to money now which is disappointing.

I'll get there though, one step at a time!