Anxiety and ADHD.

[Florgisborg]

I'm a 27 yr male, 155 lbs, 6'1, have had about 10 failed relationships, and about 15 different jobs. I'm healthy and excercise on and off (3 months then fall off then 1 month later i start up again.) I either get bored or impulsive tendencies create issues outside of work that end up affecting my job. I choose to ignore pressing matters until the last second because it's the only time I have a strong enough feelings to do it and it usually turns out poorly.

My father was diagnosed with ADHD as a child so it would make sense that I would have it, but here's the problem. If I really need to focus on something, I feel as if I can. So in that regard I feel like my supposed ADHD is really just me faking myself out all the time telling myself I cant do something because I have "ADHD". It's like a feedback loop in my head and it's causing my alot of mental anguish lately. I'm still trying to accept the things I won't be able to do, but its sent me into maybe depression, I don't really know though because I've never had this issue or felt this way.

the past 2 weeks I've been getting cold chills at normal room temperature. Starts from my scalp and works it's way down to my chest like a flood. My hands and feet are sweating uncontrollably, I lost about 20 lbs and am having a very difficult time eating so I'm drinking pediasure just to have something because I'm getting overly embarrassed that everything is now loose fitting on me. I'm becoming overly emotional( crying 5 times a day followed by anger at myself and others, which I really really hate. ) I've been getting 3 to 4 hours of sleep the past week and I'm starting to have issues with daily conversations like forgetting what i said nsecurities that are crippling for no reason.

Big Pharma's reputation has ruined the idea that drugs could help me so I'm still coping the best I can and working out harder and harder so my body can be exhausted so that I can finally rest. I'm not sure how much or if any role anxiety plays into this, but I'm too embarrassed to talk to my friends about this, because I see it as a weakness in today's society. I don't want to talk with family either because I don't need them stressing out over my own issues. I also have issues with doctors because everyone is different and I don't have the money to go doc shopping and get the right person. And who's to say the one I end up with is even the right one. They may try to put me on medications that could change who I am, and that's scary. I like having conversations that jump about 20 topics, I like being a novelty seeker, I enjoy being off the wall to some degree. lastly, I feel like it's not fair. Not to me, but to others. If I do take medication and exceed farther then my peers, I know it's not me, and it's just the medication and that hurts. I don't want to be in a box, for the most part I feel relatively normal. I just want the folks proud and to start working again so I don't feel like a leech on the belly of society.

In all honesty I just needed to get this out of my head, I've been wrestling with this for some time now and it's come to a crossroad. Either I take meds and live a dull life working for the man till I die, or I don't take meds and make others suffer around me, which I can fix with isolation but that's caused more problems. Does anybody have any advice on any of this? Why do I feel like I'm the only one going through it.

also, I apologize for the typos, I want to fix them but I also feel like throwing my phone at a wall everytime it doesn't fix.

[MTA-]

There is a lot going on here, and I feel for you. Be kind to yourself is the first and most important piece of advice I can give.

Let's see if we can break this down...

*"If I really need to focus on something, I feel as if I can. So in that regard I feel like my supposed ADHD is really just me faking myself out all the time telling myself I cant do something because I have "ADHD". It's like a feedback loop in my head and it's causing my alot of mental anguish lately."*

ADHD is a misnomer, it's not a deficit of attention, it's not a disorder, and not everyone with it is hyperactive. So it still sounds like ypu have what we call ADHD. For me, the greatest advantage a diagnosis was that it explained a lot of my limitations, and because I understood the mechanism and the cause, I could begin to draw a road map for overcoming those limitations. There's no reason to be stuck in that loop of believing you can't do things because you have ADHD, you'll have difficulties, but difficulties are not limitations.

"*Big Pharma's reputation has ruined the idea that drugs could help me*"

Big pharmacy are the worst, but don't conflate the industry with the products it makes. They have blood on their hands, they pretty much engineered the opioid epidemic, but if you're having surgery, you might really need the opioids, regardless of who makes them. Meds are a tool, that are only good or bad depending on the user. They might make your life easier. If you let a shitty industry keep them away from you, that's giving the shitty people of a shitty industry way too much power.

"*I also have issues with doctors because everyone is different and I don't have the money to go doc shopping and get the right person. And who's to say the one I end up with is even the right one.*"

I can't reassure you on this one. It's a real issue, and concern. But you can't let uncertainty lead to inaction. I am not saying that's easy, it's one of the hardest lessons I've ever learned in life. But it's better to face obstacles as they come, than to do nothing because you anticipate obstacles. If you get a bad doctor, cross that bridge when you come to it, because YOU NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR YESTERDAY. those physical symptoms you describe sound really bad. Like the sort of thing that strangers on the internet can't and shouldn't be giving advice on.

"*They may try to put me on medications that could change who I am, and that's scary. I like having conversations that jump about 20 topics, I like being a novelty seeker, I enjoy being off the wall to some degree*"

This is a fictional trope. Like Bart Simpson or one of the South Park kids gets put on ritalin, and they turn all quiet and dour. But it's pure fiction. One thing is that the writers are confusing stimulant medication like ritalin with SSRIs like Prozac, which do have an emotionally flattening effect. But they're completely different classes of drugs. SSRIs are for mental illness like anxiety and depression, ADHD is not a mental illness. The other thing is that the writers are buying into the propaganda that ADHD was invented by a PC nanny society to quieten rambunctious children, which is pure nonsense. ADHD treatments don't change who you are, or make you less of a polymath.

"*If I do take medication and exceed farther then my peers, I know it's not me, and it's just the medication and that hurts. *"

Cut this out right away. You wouldn't say this about any other medical intervention. "If the doctors remove my brain tumor, and I live, I know it's not me, it's the surgery", "if I wear these glasses, and I can read, I know it's not me, it's the glasses". You're alleviating a learning difficulty, not taking steroids at the Olympics.

Living a dull life and working for the man is not the consequence of taking meds, if you don't want it to be. In the bad old days, they treated anything that made you not want a white picket fence in the suburbs as a disorder. Nowadays it's much more about asking the patient what would make them happy, and treating whatever stands in the way of that happiness. You can also do your own homework on what treatments sound right for you.

Be kind to yourself, try to relax, AND GO SEE A DOCTOR.

[Florgisborg in reply to MTA-]

Seriously, thank you for the response. I thought people would just see it and ignore it and I wouldn't get any answers. I really appreciate you giving me examples, and also explaining things and breaking it down barney style. You literally addressed every one of my concerns, and you did it free of charge to just be helpful to me. I saved the comment so I can read it during the darker days. Thank you so much.

[ISurrenderAll1 in reply to MTA-]

Oh my, where do I start. I appreciate and value the honesty and courage of this “ fellow gifted soul” for reaching out the way you did. I have been where you are, and this very wise person ( aside from yourself) that responded is SPOT ON. This response is one of the most intentional, honest, insightful and “fabulously on point” responses I have ever seen. 🙌👏. Even though I don’t know either of you, we are all in this together. I can say from experience that following this direction given is WISDOM 👏.

[dubstepMaul in reply to MTA-]

Awesome reply, MTA-!! Well said.

[New-Diagnosis]

Wow, MTA, what a thoughtful, helpful response! We all have strengths and limitations -- with ADHD or not. Flogisborg, I wish you luck in finding some solutions that work for you! Hang in there.

[MemphisAdhd1988]

Always remember you are not alone in this. Rumination and overthinking can be crushing to your psyche and mental health. I know it is for me. Please read my story for more info and keep reaching out on here for help, this is a great community.

[AlphaGeekBoy]

I wrote a long post and accidentally wiped it out. I have four suggestions if you have the resources:

1) Talk to your doctor and be open and honest about your concerns. Give medication a chance. It’s something you can try temporally and see how you respond/like/dislike it.

2) Get more sleep. Easier said then done but I find with on 3-4 hours of sleep I don’t think clearly nor do I have a valid perspective on how things are and should be. Fortunately, now I am able to recognize this and attribute it to lack of sleep and know that correcting this will allow me to have a different perspective.

3) You are here and it’s likely you’ve been doing research on ADHD. Keep it up. I find that books, podcasts, and articles all help. I value hearing other stories about when/how people are diagnosed with ADHD and how they address it with or without medication.

4) Focus on one thing at a time and find a balance between health, family, and work. Find what makes you happy. I suggest starting with getting more sleep. For me that affects every other aspect of my life.

Be kind to yourself, keep learning, and improving one thing at a time. You will be in a better place weeks, months, and years from now.

You're going to look back on this period of your life & be glad that you never gave up.