ADHD and social anxiety

[Purplepia]

Hi, I recently have identified that a reason I feel uncomfortable socially is because I feel people don’t understand my ADHD. I mean I don’t understand it either! But with problems such as light sensitivity, I often want to say something but worry people with think I’m being too sensitive or weak. Also I often get ‘are you listening?’ Or ‘what did I just say?’ When I’m trying so hard to concentrate but I have lapses of attention. I feel like by saying I have ADHD it sounds like an excuse for bad behaviour. When actually it’s just a way of explaining my brain. It’s getting to the point where I just want to run away in social situations as I feel more comfortable being with only myself, and I am struggling to eat in front of others too which is proving to be a big challenge in day to day life. I know anxiety and ADHD can be tied up (but I have mostly suffered with depression in the past and not anxiety) but I wondered if anyone has tips on how to deal with this so I don’t isolate myself from people?

[wtfadhd]

hey Purplepia- i giggled at somethi g you wrote-

if people are talking n we dont pay attention- its simply because ADHD brains function on interest vs importance.

so we can kinda be screwed either way bc if we say “ sorry, i have ADHD” we feel like we are making excuses. if we are completely transparent ( like society says they want- NOT) and said “ im sorry, i have a neurological issue that makes it very difficult for me to stay focussed on things that are not immediately interesting to me…”. wellll, i think we all know how that will turn out😂

as ive said on here 100x- instead of learning life hacks to pretend to be neurotypical( which will lead to anxiety, depression, frustration, etc) start developing a lifestyle( career, friends, etc) that vibes with our unique brain wiring. it takes alot of time n effort n self acceptance to do that but the rewards are 😍😍😍.

[Alevaro23 in reply to wtfadhd]

That's really insightful, now I know why I suffer major bouts of 'procrastination'. !

[lovelylavish]

hi purplepia, I too suffer from those same anxieties. I for instance just went out with my brother last night, he’s one of my favorite people in the world. While at dinner I found myself so fidgety when I had to listen to him talk. He’s very thoughtful and takes his time to find his words. I started to drift and it took everything I had to not blurt out or finish his sentences. It made me feel sh***y. My memory lapses are so quick firing it’s almost like every word is it’s own sentence and I have a hard time stringing them together and comprehending them. This gives me anxiety because I fear people think that I don’t care or don’t like them! It’s so not the case! It’s so easy for me to self-isolate because of these anxieties. I’ve really been trying to not though. I suffer from depression episodes as well, and I’ve noticed as hard as it is reaching out to people it is so helpful. I encourage you to continue to do that with your friends/family who care about you. Best of luck ❤️

[Alevaro23 in reply to lovelylavish]

Hey lovelylavish,

Thank you for sharing your experience! I too struggled with those problems but what I found helpful was getting biofeedback it definitely stopped the constant 'chatting' in my head and I was able to concentrate.

[ADJB in reply to lovelylavish]

I know what you mean when people have a slow delivery - it can be excruciating and I have to do things like digging my fingernails into my palm to stop my mind from wondering. I want to shout out "get bloody move on"... I too experience anxiety, but this can quickly be overtaken by a tidal wave of irritation. I think this has got worse over the years - I'm now 66, diagnosed 2½ years ago - and I wonder just how I'll manage things in the future. Time will tell.

[New-Diagnosis]

I can relate. It's hard going through life essentially having to translate between your brain and how others function, with every interaction. I've masked and (mostly) coped with no supports a lot of my life (got the official diagnosis & medications recently -- at 56! -- because I could no longer function by winging it and pushing harder. I also really don't want to live with that stress and burn-out anymore). I've dealt with depression, anxiety, and social anxiety -- still do at times.

It's been a struggle for me too, knowing when to tell people about my different processing and inattention symptoms; sometimes I'm finding being "too honest" ends up back-firing because then people can expect less of you/their default point is, oh she has a disability and they may scrutinize your work more even if they don't mean to. I'm doing more disclosure/unmasking -- selectively -- but when I do mask now it's generally consciously and by choice because it may help me professionally or socially. Fortunately, I have friends and family that I'm comfortable being 100% myself with, so I have breaks. Finding that balance is a daily challenge, for sure!

[Alevaro23]

Hi Purplepia,

Have you considered getting Biofeedback treatment?

[Purplepia in reply to Alevaro23]

Hey what is that?

[Alevaro23]

It's an alternative treatment, but can be used in conjunction with mainstream medication. I found an article that may help to explain: additudemag.com/biofeedback... 😁