I don't want to sound negative but this is where I'm at right now.
I keep hearing about the benefits of meditation. I've been trying it and I get nothing. I did it pretty consistently during the pandemic. I don't see anything from it. I just feel bored and like I'm wasting 10-20 minutes that I could have spent doing anything else.
People swear by this and I'm getting nothing. What am I missing here?
Which medications have you tried ?
I usually do mindful meditation. I've tried guided but I usually just get annoyed with whatever voice is speaking.
I find meditation really difficult but also hear of the benefits. I started a course through an app where it is starts off with only 3 minutes a day and builds it up. I find it difficult but I'm giving it a go and trying not to out too much pressure on myself.
i hear ya!! regular motionless meditation is for neurotypical folks! i gave up on it. i do moving meditation— walk, run, whatever i feel like. i also try to stay mindful by positive self talk ALL day long, its exhausting, lol
It took me months to notice the benefits. I used meditation and visualization every day, but not like they show on TV or instagram. I take breaks and go somewhere where I can be or see nature, and then I just pick a spot to sit and take in everything through my senses. The tiny details of what I can see, hear, smell, feel. Thoughts and feelings come up and I let them drift. Over time my brain seems to have let go of its grip just a little bit.
Something else - try the Insight app (free) and poke around for a session that really fits your interest. I cannot stand guided body scans although now I do them on my own to get a sense of how I'm feeling in a tough moment. I have tried different types of meditations to deal with anger, anxiety, drinking, ancestor work, codependence, sound baths, there's just so much choice beyond "send the breath to your toes" stuff 
Try this one. Honestly, it helps me feel better. youtu.be/92i5m3tV5XY
It didn't work for me either when I tried it many years ago and then again recently. Haven't invested much time exploring it because I usually enjoy thinking too much but I guess for getting oneself out of negative thought patterns or feeling the need to try anything and for the day one may feel more positively inclined it has its place. Would be happy to try the above any time I have time or feel curious or in need.
I actually feel more negative after meditating. I don't feel relaxed or more focused. I feel varying levels of pissed off that I wasted 20 minutes literally doing nothing but think about breathing and have nothing to show for it.
The breathing techniques make me hyperventilate lol
Sam Harris has interesting exercises. He starts with the 'boring/hard' basics like attention to breathing but, what made an enormous difference for me, is one of his slightly more advanced exercises:
He directs you to focus on an object, then switch your attention towards internal perception, then again focus on the external object, and so on. Somehow, it did for my brain the same as a gym equipment for the biceps. It became easier to refocus my attention during regular days. It became easier to apply various techniques that are supposed to be useful for ADD but that I couldn't really do before, because of the ADD :))
He is really neuroscience-based. The fact that he explains things makes it more interesting I find.
I could also mention some esoteric guided meditations, if you or others are interested. One of them is a bit extreme (or maybe not, if you believe in what he says) but wow, a couple of his guided meditations led to major revelations.
If there are some specific ideas or behaviours you'd like to change, hypnosis channels on YouTube can make a big difference. As long as you find the person you 'click' with, you might find that listening to them in the evening becomes enjoyable, so you catch two birds with one stone. Even if it's hypnosis, it is meditative as well.
Last but not least, if you haven't done CBT, I would highly recommend it. It's like mindfulness but in a very targeted way, and it's really hard work so there's no way someone could be bored by CBT. It makes an enormous difference. It feels a bit like renovating the brain, not just painting the walls but literally replacing the electrical wires (and adding a few lightbulbs:)) OK I'm exaggerating a bit, I wish it would be so miraculous, but you get the idea. It's useful and not boring.
Last thing, listening to Andrew Huberman's podcast brought many ideas, for example: 'meditating' even a few minutes after lunch is a lot easier (digestion;)).
I tried one of his YouTube guided meditations. It wasn't bad. I usually dislike guided meditations. But his approach didn't bother me as much.
Hi Sharkweek178,
For as interested as I had always been in learning how to meditate, for the life of me, I could not just sit there without my mind wandering (and wondering 'when is this going to be over'?). However, a few years ago I discovered its! remarkable benefits. That's because I had to. It was part of my professional development credits (I"m required to do to maintain my credentials in my line of work).
I believe the answer lies in finding the perfect fit. What I mean is finding a 'guide' that you think you could get accustomed to his/her voice, way of doing things, etc. Some of them drive me crazy, so I go into hyper-focus mode analyzing them, instead of doing what we're supposed to be doing.
Needless to say, I attended this 3 month long professional development program and it was literally, the *best* ever! As a matter of fact, we were trained by some of the best, such as Thich Nhat Hanh (though I admit, I could hardly understand him, so unfortunately I didn't get much value), Nick Vujucic, Jon Kabat Zinn, Master Co, Wim Hof, and my very favorite - Joseph McClendon III. Anyways, I realized that [I had to] pay attention and I did. Similar to what Credit mentioned and in relation to Sam Harris - Dr McClendon also teaches a bit about the neuroscience behind it.
That is when I discovered the wealth of benefits derived from meditation. Should you be interested, I could walk you through some of the 'quickies'. I really hope you find a good fit with a podcast, youtube, or any other way to be guided... it pays off in the long run😇
What benefits are you seeing? And how does one get to them?
I understand your frustration
The Buddhist say that you must have no expectation. This is hard too, we want to measure our success and get our dopamine fix
Often if something doesn’t “work” right away we abandon it. I meditate in our pool, you can meditate while you eat, or do chores.
Body relaxation meditating tends to have a quicker response.
We all must find out what works the best
I've been trying it for a couple years now. When I lift weights, I'm able to lift more over a period of time. Progress. If I diet, I can see a loss of weight. If I study a topic, I gain more knowledge.
I'm going going to invest time into meditation, then if there is no benefit, then there is no point. It's time spent doing literally nothing except breathing.
I guess it depends on why you are meditating. Are you meditating to calm down emotions, or to understand them. Meditation can be beneficial in helping you to understand your emotions. If you are getting frustrated that you keep getting distracted or bored, that can be normal, especially for ADHD. The point is not to necessarily feel better, but to become more aware of our emotions, what they are, where they are coming from and what they mean. Questions you might ask yourself are why am I so bored? Why do I have such a drive to have to be doing something all the time? Why can I not sit here and feel gratitude while focusing on my breath.
There are times when I can sit and focus on my breath easier one day and nearly impossible another. There is a reason for this. So I'm not trying to change anything, I'm just trying to become aware. I notice whether it is thinking or an emotion that is distracting me, I note it and then I go back to the breath. So I actually feel like I have a lot to do and am not bored. The goal is not to not get distracted but to note the distractions, let them go, and go back to the breath.
But if you are looking to calm troubled emotions, or feel better things like yoga, exercise, cold showers, are all great ways to reset the central nervous system. Maybe try doing some of those things first and see how it affects your ability to stay focused while meditating.
And maybe do shorter meditations you can learn and grow a lot from 3 to 5 min of meditation. 20min can be super long for someone with ADHD.
I'm well aware of my emotions. I know that I'm frustrated, resentful, angry, and anxious. I don't need help with that. I'm wondering when meditation will help me feel relaxed, less stressed, or more focused. When will I see the benefits I keep hearing about?
Ideally if we really know where our emotions are coming from, we can then deal with them and let them go and find peace within ourselves. Frustration, anger, and anxiety are all emotions that we can let go of. When we truly understand them we know how to help them. Do you welcome your emotions or do you try to suppress them, and make them go away? If you do instead try to welcome them. Say oh, hello anger, why are you here? If you have them and try to get rid of them, they will keep coming back with more severity. They want to be noticed. they are telling you something. How are they protecting you? Usually such negative emotions are trying to protect us from some vulnerability, Possibly something you don't want to feel. Or possibly warning us about something.
Frustration, resentment, anger, and anxiousness may accompany ADHD, but they are not a symptom of ADHD. You can have ADHD and not have these feelings.
How does meditation do that? If I start to analyze a feeling, I have to stop and go back to focusing on my breath. And also, I'm pretty aware of what causes my emotions. It's the guy on the trolley who plays music from his phone without using ear buds. It's the person holding up the line at the store. It's not having enough time to do the things I like and being told to spend even less time doing things I enjoy. It's a world that moves both too fast and too slow. It's people who don't understand what it's like in my head. I didn't just start meditation. I've been doing it for a while. I read all these articles about the benefits and I don't see any. I really want to feel more relaxed, less stressed, more focused. But all I feel from meditation is boredom and like I wasted my time.
Am I doing it wrong. Am I not doing it hard enough? Do I have to spend an hour every day sitting there not doing anything to get something out of it?
I used to be the same way, but there's no one right way to meditate. I cannot sit still for the life of me, but the best meditations I find are ones that have to do with feeling the energy in your body. Like imagining a warm sun full of energy above your head that sprinkles down into your body, focusing on one limb at a time and feeling the little tingles that come when you picture the energy flowing through your body. I have chronic fatigue, so whenever I meditate I really sink into my position to give myself an opportunity to just rest, which feels nice.
Meditation is really just being able to center yourself. It's creating a safe space for you to just be in the present moment. Maybe looking into mindfulness would be more beneficial for you, both meditation and mindfulness accompany one another but when I had done meditation in the past I was missing the mindfulness. Things like getting annoyed at the person playing music- mindfulness is something you can do in the moment that helps you shift your focus from "I hate that guy playing music" to taking a deep breath, centering yourself, and thinking okay, it's out of my control, what can I focus on instead? Maybe it's feeling your feet on the ground, and the connection to the earth and all the things you are grateful for. Maybe it's thinking of ways of how you can control your situation. Can you bring noise cancelling headphones/find other ways to lower the stimulation that is overwhelming your senses? Overstimulation is a big ADHD thing. Or maybe it's making up a story of the guy to feel more empathy with him- imagining him struggling with technology and growing up not having the resources to fully understand how to use headphones, or that he just got married to the love of his life and he feels that sharing his music is sharing his joy for life. Silly stuff like that ya know? Everyone is pretty self-centered, we can't ask people to understand us. It's great when they do, but we are ultimately the ones in charge of ourselves.
Another thing that helps me is learning about self-compassion. One of my favorite quotes is "Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment." Maybe this doesn't apply for you, but throughout my life I went through a people-pleaser mentality to cope with ADHD and it led me to feel just angry at the world. That's one of the biggest things I'm working on for myself right now and it's not easy at all. But you are taking the biggest step by recognizing your emotions and how they are affecting your mentality, and actually trying to work on it! And that's already something to be proud of. Best wishes my friend.
I have a very difficult time with mindfulness. For example, I made a dinner for myself of greens and brown rice. Healthy but I'd much rather have a hamburger. So I'm sitting there eating a meal that I'm not enjoying and I think that maybe if I eat it mindfully. All that did was stretch out and deepen an experience that I already didn't like. Thinking about how my feet feel doesn't remove the resentment I have towards an idiot. I don't feel like I should have to accommodate him by wearing noise canceling ear phones. That seems like running away and hiding to me. And if it were a woman with a crying baby, I could feel compassion. She can't help that. If it were someone who was literally mentally disabled, I'd have compassion then too. I just don't have it in me to find compassion or understanding for an idiot who has no regard for the world around him. The only thing that actually makes me feel better about it is confronting then on their behavior. I think the whole world should.
Meditation was always difficult for me until I found walking meditation (and then tons of other movement meditation) - check it out:
ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/...
Or
I get nothing from it. I can’t turn my brain off so it’s just me sitting there thinking of all the shit I have to deal with.
Hi Shark,Don't worry.
I get angry at those same things. Especially at the lack of consideration some hominids have for others. If I sit on a train I KNOW I'm not on my own and I bl00dy well turn the volume down or better off and if there's people waiting for me to get a move on at the till I keep moving/get a move on. Kids in supermarkets, trolleys in my achilles tendons in supermarkets, smelly people, effing people, people who put their bags on the seat next to them although others are standing tightly packed on buses, people always bumping into me (a sister), people always wanting to be the centre of attention, monopolising people, victim people, manipulative people, you name it.I know I know we should have tolerance etc but we are ALL in need, are almost all stressed by one thing or another, have bad days, toothache, in the hamster wheel, need to be somewhere next, etc.Most people and even some much older ones know this. Some don't. Some exploit age, looks, etc etc., are far away or distracted or cognitively disabled so one has to be careful and have patience but most people aren't. Excused.
Obviously one can also put one's foot in. That may be me at times oh yes - surprise surprise. It's not TOO often not too often in a really bad way so I generously forgive myself or try to make up for it then or later. Like when that unruly kid on the train kept shouting and singing loudly and mum only occasionally tried to reign him in with far too soft a voice I thought. So I went to the adults to ask them to please please do something more about it.
Turns out he is autistic..........!&#£*
But I tried to make up for it, was interested, first pretending, then genuinely (as so often happens to us once a story emerges and we switch to hyperfocus), managed to keep mum smiling by letting her talk and with my interest in them, and as I love kids (just don't do well with whining and tantrums) also played with him so she could talk with her friend and we all ended up having a much better time for it. I indulge in praise of mysrlf so for balance I don't always manage to turn things around. Got lucky that day.
Sometimes I end up shouting, angry, in a rage, more stressed than before.
But we are hominids! Neanderthals some and God knows what they will discover one day.
(A book comes to mind: The Fifth Child by Doris Lessing. And Ben In The World, the second part. Absolut must-reads!)
Having high standards for yourself and be a fine specimen of our civilised humanity/hominidity doesn't help if you are the irritable kind with low dopamin.Meditation, elaborate schedules, elaborate task diaries with 30min spent on this, 30min on that, different colour pens, Apps for all that, practising and exercises and allowing time for this to become habits etc just doesn't work for me. Never has, never will, and I just don't enjoy it.
Instead I - my brain - enjoy lots and lots of other stuff. At the moment it's writing this long message and the feeling it's with good intentions I will send it. It may help some. In the sense that it gives permission to let go. Be lazy. Relax. Be selfish ourselves for once.
I hope.
If not, it has at least helped me and hasn't felt as if it was a wasted exercise. I love writing. End in itself. No-one must read it. No-one severely criticise it or take offense.
Settling into the new me on Vyvanse 70mg and Venlafaxine 300mg daily over the last 6 months in an already pretty settled but busy life as a work horse and NO other changes was what I wanted to keep enjoying what I've always enjoyed. Not wasting time on what I didn't enjoy or felt a need to learn - I love learning new things and there are tons; skiing, skating, diving, languages including Mandarin, psychology, history, politics etc etc all stuff I've learndd how to do giving me immense satisfaction - or having the turmoil psychological therapy may bring with it, just for a little while longer observing how I felt and interacted with the world around me, my new found patience but also levrl of assertion, seeing where that would take me felt just right. And legitimate.
Recognising with that newfound focus, amplified by the drugs, the new sense of entitlement and satisfaction of suddenly having a whole bunch of answers to so much confusion and self-doubt even if most of it had been overcome, recognising, armed with these enhanced cognitive abilities and with emotional fortification, what my main mental stressors were and why (really only mainly work and some dysfunctional, even toxic family dynamics), reading books on both and more, actually finishing many books I'd started but with ADHD hadn't managed to continue reading, books on problems, but also allowing myself to put them down when I got bored or had enough of the subject for now, instead reading a couple of chapters of books friends hat recommended on happiness, love and how all of these are what society, morals, movies and adverts tell us exist and are to be pursued but what has been known more recently to be overrated and unrealistic and belonging into the realm of concepts invented for power and profit, realising that toxic families for example and exploitation at work are actually very common so one doesn't have to feel alone in this, but this not meaning that all therefore has to be endured or suffered, realising my mental exhaustion, agonising over the long time of working myself into the ground for weeks and months, the "final straw" (doctors don't get sick!), finally getting that first ever sick note in 29 years of work, allowing me rest for more than a weekend and without holiday pressures, sleeping lots and lots the first 3 days, still lots the following and then going for walks first just for essentials, then to pleasant places in my city, parks, having time to attend to myself and my self-care, spending long time on everything, lying down when I wanted, changing from one thing to another when I felt like it, distracting myself initially with later less effort from the urge to do something useful, phoning up my good and loving friends and family members, sending off messages to clarify how THEIR actions make me feel to the toxic ones whilst realising even if I end up having to cut them off this doesn't mean I can't go to family gatherings anymore which I love as I love any party and as I see my fantastic sisters-in-law and my also really nice brothers-in-law, my nephews and niece, cousins, aunts, their kids and grandkids, the small tribe, the larger tribe, all this healing my wounded cortex and inflamed heart, eating well, having a drink and a smoke when I wanted which I usually don't do much of, going to the pub with friends which I had been too tired of for ages, feeling slowly better, more normal, myself, my rights to self-determination and autonomy, my needs as it is and after all I've got migraine as well, my all-in-all totally acceptable existence as a hominid with 711 values which is great for an atheist, eventually free of fear after discussing decisions with well-meaning f&f, basically FEELING the happiness warm contact with chosen ones brings, some early tentative contact with management laying the cards on the table as after all I hadn't done anything wrong, also sensing the success with and satisfaction of ticking a few boxes on the happiness list by acting on my human needs as well on what makes me unhappy, more sleep, more self-help chapters and psychologytoday.com (highly recommended), Netflix crime/thriller/feel-good mix, making a doctors appointment, eventually feeling halfway ready to tackle stuff, doing some of that, realising that I needed more rest and time spent on my needs and totally accepting this without guilt before being able to tackle those mundane, boring but necessary things such as tidying up, cleaning - no moths yet, I've been checking daily and will give in and get a cleaner again - opening letters and doing what needs doing, sending messages on this forum, arranging a more substantial meeting at work to discuss what bothers me and what will have to change, realising that my vicious procrastination cycle was not just ADHD but also a result of exhaustion, unhappiness with escapism, but also that I just enjoy so many other things and should at my age and with my job indulge myself instead of constantly agonising, torturing, reprimanding myself, feeling my energy returning with plenty of sleep and with the help of the drugs, having started sorting out a bit of that stuff, feeling how naturally it feels as I used to like pottering about alternating with reading, eating, sleeping, walking, pottering with something different and switching back and forth between all of those, finally being able to start and actually continue quite without a schedule (once I'm over the start I can keep going with less motivator strategies and I don't want the stress of a task share buddy, no thanks) and quite naturally arriving at this, pondering this and coming to the conclusion that what seems to be the main cause of my hopeless, helpless dissatisfaction with myself is this huge, monstrous, grown-out-of-proportion nightmare - which actually follows me into my dreams and in those makes me miss, forget, fail, suffer - called procrastination which is complex and also to some extent acquired and the other thing being not setting boundaries in personal and professional life as I forever think is it them or me? (I know it's not simple. Its all of us and probably generations of us with "neurodiversity" and primary anx/depr, ADHD, PD, addiction, but also reactive/acquired e.g. PTSD (wars and other), suicide, alcohol, etc etc but at the end of the day it needs to be "managed" by myself) and giving in to the reality that I can't be a struggling mule and must pursue more heart (maybe bed)warming stuff for myself - all this, all THIS has helped.
Not meditating, no elaborate time-scheduling but actually allowing myself what I instinctively knew body and mind needed ie rest, adventure (yet to gravitate towards actual adventure in the way I used to once energy, calm and happiness levels allow and a bit more stuff is sorted through and sense of achievement is back), gentle but naturally increasing exercise, self-worth, picking up what needs doing even with interruptions, no longer "wasting time" but also working less with the prospect of working in more satisfying relaxed ways, perhaps looking for ways to change to a more advisory role at least for part of the time to get away from still doing the front line, grinding, blood, sweat and tears job at 56yo that I did at 30, consideration of redistribution of assets to allow perhaps just working less hours "in the field" or something else that I find stimulating altogether if other change is not an option, UTILISING the fact ADHD is after all classified as a disability without exploiting it, arranging visits of and to dear friends and the dear family members that also exist, perhaps attending an ADHD conference next year or not, or instead doing something totally different and life affirming like my Nepal trekking trip 15y ago(probably above average numbers of ADHD on those as well) or a mix of hiking and cultural holiday in a place I find fascinating - and I find a lot of history and culture fascinating and have still not visited sooo many places - , spending time with my 5 nephews and nieces as it makes me feel young and loved, devoting more time to the things I've always loved doing, this, I feel, is my way and all these are also a healthy development and a reason to be proud of myself - I hate that phrase but can feel its essence - and signs that I am moving in the right direction.
All without meditation.
Let's be real. Meditation isn't for everyone and like with religion we shouldn't try to convert the non-believers.
With time, time, time and fresh emotional, cognitive and physical energy and on the right cocktail of drugs and/or supplements or with the conscious and fear-free decision to enjoy our ADHD in the nude/au naturel/pure we can tackle what bothers us. We have acquired ways to overcome or conquer the obstacles our undiagnosed ADD/ADHD, anxiety and depression has confronted us with, and many of us have had practice for many decades.
Now we should give ourselves kudos. We "deserve it" (another phrase I cringe as I write it), should allow ourselves to relax, come down from our artificially elevated standards, self-blame, guilt trips and the perpetual struggle of forever trying, trying, trying and gently let things develop slowly and naturally and get ourselves lowered/lifted into the mode of effortless living.
Some things we rule out too quickly.
We can often redistribute resources, can teach or tell others or delegate, anything from work tasks to get the kids to help, we can make time if we have to.
For this we have to. Then it flows.
It's We SHALL overcome, not We MUST overcome or shall if we first do XYZ.
All roads lead to Rome.
I'm having different thoughts today. I'm wondering if I'm putting myself into a corner. If meditation did start to benefit me, would I be willing to admit it now. Would my pride let me? And I'm also wondering if expecting other people to tell me the benefit isn't the right move. Maybe I should figure that out for myself. I still have an expectation of some kind of benefit. But if I expect other people to tell me what it is, then I go in looking for one thing and miss something else that works for me.
Meditation works very well for me. Ive had adhd my whole life and now take meds.
I did mindfulness for years and I get you,
I woud say persist, its worth it.
Start by using Headspace app, thats what i did and it works well.
What I find good is i now have an option to start my day well, and if i get in a bad spot, i can get myself out of it.
Another great app is one called insight timer, I use this pretty much everyday.
To sum up my experience, I score top on the adhd tests - Enjoyable exercise and meditation are an absolute winner for me.
Jst note medtaton always evolves
I've been meditating twice a day, 15 minutes each time since the beginning of the month. I'll try that for 3 months. I'm trying to see it as clearing the brain palate. Kind of like how you eat the celery with buffalo wings. I'll give it 3 months but if I don't see or feel some kind of improvement then it's a waste of time.
I can definitely relate to how you feel about that idiot in the bus... :))
Here's an example... I walk several blocks to and from my bus to commute. I walk in front of tens of beautiful gardens and trees and flowers and hear birds but ... you guessed it... there is just that one idiot with an overgrown bush blocking the sidewalk. It angers me to have to move around it. I don't like confrontation because that would make me even more anxious, so I keep ruminating and let that spoil my otherwise relaxing walk. I think in this case I could and probably should just ask them politely if they could fix it or could report it as a sidewalk encumbrance, and that would fix it.
But then what should I do about idiots who start honking behind me the half-second lights turn to green? And those who honk to have me accelerate in a city street when I'm already at the speed limit?
I won't ever fix that without risking confrontation, leading to potential injuries on either or both sides it worse. Now that would be horrible. Long story short, unfortunately, I don't think meditation will ever help with that... as much as CBT.
Each person is different but CBT is sure to be anything but boring. I can't imagine someone not feeling better after a few sessions with a good CBT expert. There will be progress, guaranteed. And I am pretty sure that mindfulness practice will come handy because it helps to catch the thoughts and emotions when they happen, then CBT mechanisms automatically start working.
Last but not least, have you tried self-hypnosis videos? There's a Dr who goes by the name ASMR psychologist whom I find really amazing, because she explains things at the same time, but there are many others. It's crazy how some of the changes I experienced happened almost overnight (repetition over days or weeks make them even stronger).
By the way, with CBT, I learned the tricks that "should" plays on us... And a few self-hypnosis sessions on YouTube helped, too. Since then, idiots who play music on the bus don't bother me anymore. I would have never imagined possible to not be bothered by them. I hope the same will happen with the idiots who keep honking for no reason... :((
I think all of the above support each other. It's like baking a carrot cake or something, I don't cook but I imagine it takes more than just carrots:))
So I've been meditating twice a day. Once in the morning, once at night. 15 minutes each time. I did that for over a month. Didn't get anything from it. I didn't feel more relaxed. I didn't feel calmer. I wasn't more focused. Nothing. I lapsed for a week and I actually felt less pressure. Like I had one less thing to do in the morning before work. I didn't have to make sure I did meditation at night before bed.
I'm trying but I don't get it. I don't understand what sitting there bored for 15 minutes is supposed to do. Every article about meditation talks about the benefits of it. I don't expect it to be a cure all that fixes my life. But I'd like something.
I'm going to try some more and see if something happens.
I'm giving up
Self compassion meditation
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