You had one Job!!!

[prasanthk]

I was booking tickets for a cinema to watch with my wife. I had to book for Tuesday, instead I ended up booking for Wednesday. I missed out double checking on the date before the payment. Not that my mind was some where else, as is usually the case, but I was so focused on finding a cheap price, that in the logical order of things to be done, checking on the date is missed out. Does people with ADHD relate to it?

[MTA-]

Yes, I relate.

Just thank God that you know about ADHD, or else you'd be wondering why the date seemingly changed, and possibly blaming the cinema. Or beating yourself up over the "stupid" mistake. Knowing about ADHD. Allows you to forgive yourself over these things.

My greatest fear is booking a flight for the wrong date.

[Jbythesea in reply to MTA-]

Airlines are very forgiving. Just call as soon as you see you made a mistake. It happens. I have done this a few times.

[STEM_Dad in reply to Jbythesea]

The last time I flew, I remembered my departure time wrong. Fortunately, I was a couple of extra hours early, not a couple of hours late.

[Gettingittogether]

Are you kidding me? Of course, this happens with people with ADHD. Of course! Why do you think we work so hard to get treatment?

The trick here is to not feel shame for this mistake. Feeling shame just undermines our own respect and esteem. And your wife really would benefit from understanding that for people with ADHD there is no such thing as "only one task to do."

Any task that requires filling out a form correctly (online or on paper) can be extremely difficult for people with ADHD. You have to learn to quickly forgive yourself and keep going. That will happen with this condition.

[wiggity_whack]

I do stuff like that alllllll the time. I thought maybe I was just stupid until I got my diagnosis and learned what ADHD is.

[STEM_Dad in reply to wiggity_whack]

I never thought of myself as stupid, but I did think of myself as error prone (not careless, because I'm actually very careful...yet I still make mistakes).

I also used to think of myself as slow and lazy, until I realized how much extra effort I was putting into everything just to get started.

[Gettingittogether in reply to STEM_Dad]

Ouch Stem_Dad, you're reminding me of how hard I have worked to fill out forms and make basic arrangements--without crediting myself.

[STEM_Dad in reply to Gettingittogether]

I just mailed off a form that I discovered a week ago that I can withdraw some money from my retirement account, if I pay taxes and possibly a penalty. It will help me out a lot with my financial situation (drowning in medical bills, plus other family expenses). I'm very motivated to do this, but my need to double-check every step of the process (because of my ADHD tendency to sometimes overlook details).

1) I needed a notary, and spent a lot of effort looking from one, before finally asking some colleagues. They informed me that a coworker I see almost every day at work is, in fact, a notary public.

2) I ended up printing three copies. I made a mistake on the first one, and accidently left the second one at home the day I was talking to my coworker who's a notary.

3) Thankfully, I read the directions on the form again, before sealing the envelope. I needed to include one more piece of documentation.

I found the form last Thursday, thought I could do this all on Saturday, but now it's Wednesday. Why does it take so long to do something that ought to be straightforward? (That was a rhetorical question. The answer is, because I have ADHD, and most forms & processes are not ADHD friendly.)

[Gettingittogether in reply to STEM_Dad]

I can match you and raise the ante. My sister suffered a stroke around Christmas 2021, and she is single with no children. Me and my ADHD self had to step in as power of attorney and all of that. I too have nightmares of tracking down a notary.

Finally got a notary in my sister's town and thank God, I warned the notary that my syster was distracted. Took us 45 minutes to get my sister to sign a form that allows me to spend hours helping her.

I go to copy to forms at Fedex (I'm out of town) and I copy the POA forms--took me 30 minutes of tedious work ... emailing the forms to myself and storing them on a usb drive. I thought I was together: i had brought my usb drive and all.

Get back to the hotel: and look at my handywork and .... I've copied the wrong forms. I copied the forms without the notary's seal and signature. Had to head back out again the next day and repeat the process, this time copying the right forms.

I go to Wells Fargo my sister's bank in her city (3 hours away) and show the POA forms. They tell me I need an appointment, and they have their own extra process to allow me to become POA on my sister's bank account.

It only dawns on me days later that I could go to the Wells Fargo in my own city and get this done.

I've been having a meltdown because of all the paperwork and detailed tasks required to help my sister, including arranging cleaning her apartment and cleaning it out. She had so many accounts I had to contact. Right now, I got her nursing home bugging me for her tax forms. My sister was ultra ADHD, and her papers are a total mess. I'm almost done--mentally and literally.

Honestly, ADHD has been part of the trauma of this situation. It's not just the sadness over her condition (she's in bad shape and just recently got a feeding tube, though she can talk and is conscious). It's the dang paperwork and organizing I've had to do. Nightmare.

I'm joking about topping you--just commiserating about how maddening it is to navigate life with ADHD. Feels so good to share this with people who understand.

[STEM_Dad in reply to Gettingittogether]

No joke, you topped me alright!

My heart goes out to you and your sister. That's a situation that nobody wants to go through with a loved one. So glad that she had you in her life to help with all of that, and that there is care available for her.

[lostphone]

I mess up scheduling events on Google Calendar and realize it after I’ve sent the invite to the entire lab. It happens about 25% of the time even though it’s a task I perform regularly. I’d like to say that I forgive myself and move on, but I’m still working on that.

[Chemronin]

Once I booked a flight to Canada that departed a 1 am. Misread the plane ticket and got to the airport at 1 PM, twelve hours late. Imagine how I felt. And yes, I totally relate.

[HxaroClo]

prasanthk , unfortunately about 10 years ago I padded my budget by 20% for something I call the ADHD surplus. The list of things I have missed out on or have had to pay extra for is a tally that makes me queasy. I lost my passport so many times that the government began to get suspicious. Only in the last five years can I book a trip without having someone else verify. I really had to key in on coping strategies that include acceptance, time allotment and physical and mental checklists.

I hate to write this but it has now been years since I lost a credit card, keys and yes passport.

The beauty of this forum is seeing how we can struggle with similar things, but also see how our common diagnosis of ADHD might manifest according to our own unique selves.

Maybe you don't have ADHD and this is a one off. The world is a busy place right now and all of us are experiencing stuff. But if you have ADHD you are in the right place.

Good luck!

[Baxter83]

Yes. I can relate. My daughter had a Volleyball tournament in Reno Nevada. I knew this and reserved our hotel in Reno Nevada. A week later I bought our airline tickets. I booked the airline tickets to Las Vegas Nevada. Then I called my cousin and made arrangements to stay with her in Las Vegas for the tournament. Everything was set. I was so happy I wasn’t going to need the hotel room.

Two weeks before the tournament my daughter says mom “I’m so excited for the Reno tournament”. That was when the realization hit. Thank goodness I did not cancel the original hotel room. We ended up driving to Reno, the airline tickets were to high for my pocket book and we ended up with vouchers good for one year to fly to Las Vegas.

So yeah, I can relate!!

[plantaunt]

Yes, I've made seemingly silly errors when I get really focused on a specific aspect, absolutely! and getting stuck on the order I think things need to be done, when that just isn't true. Just like forgetting something important when you go out the door - I've tried to get in the habit of *pausing* right before the end (when I close the door, click pay etc) and sort of take a step back and wait for a second and stop focusing, and often the thing pops into my head that I'm supposed to remember... easier said than done of course!...