I'm a senior in college who has struggled with ADHD my whole life. I have spent the past 3 years working and trying to manage things better. I have tried tons of different strategies for managing adhd but the only thing that has done including taking meds is just made me more aware of the issue. I'm desperate for actual change. I have no friends or social life and the only constant in my life is being an athlete and interacting with my teammates during practice. That being said there has been some improvements such as my self esteem is much higher in certain situations this semester. I really just want to be able to function in a way that I imagine or desire myself to. I want to wake up and be able to accomplish things in my life. Instead I'm left constantly frustrated by never actually accomplishing anything. I think the issue is less about awareness because I have that down and maybe too much because its just become a constant reminder and resulted in constant frustration.
Heres the issue:
Triggering events:
Everything seems to trigger depressive or negative thoughts. Simple social situations remind me of having no social life anymore. I get anxious in social setting where I don't know people. I'm constantly frustrated and set off by not achieving goals in life. As simple as doing laundry or completing an assignment. Even talking in class usually takes a lot of will power (though thats somehow has gone away this semester). Social media is awful for me yet I am addicted to it. As someone who is influenced by emotions this removes any hope for motivation occur.
Impulsivness:
I am always having this urge to act on something that is against my goals or values. Nothing bad but like constantly on social media or gaming. I will delete them but then will alway replace them. Sometimes with daydreaming. I don't know how to resist this urge. In the end I always regret it and repeat this cycle of frustration. I have been able to stop myself however then I spend the time overthinking what needs to get done or organizing my thoughts and goals. In the end I never actually complete or touching anything that needs to get done.
Question:
As implied above I need help learning how to avoid acting on this impulsiveness. Right now whenever I avoid impulsiveness I spend the time thinking about avoiding it and or overthinking what I need to get done. In the end nothing gets done. Also how do I commit to completing a task without over thinking it or getting distracted and never starting? (I used to move locations but that doesn't help anymore neither does music, and I don't have a social group to study with to help hold me accountable)
P.s
I woke up at 5am to complete an assignment today and instead got distracted and ended up skipping class
Written by
klink3
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I am reading a lot of negative self-talk that is going unchallenged (like feeling bad about not having a social life). You haven't had a chance to develop a social life if you've been struggling with feelings that have kept you away from social activities (like lack of self esteem). A DBT group or therapist can help you learn to aggressively challenge that negative self-talk.
For social media, I removed them from my phone and use an app on my browser to block them 6 out of 7 days a week. Social media is designed to keep you engaged, so quitting is hard by design. But you need to find things you enjoy that can replace your social media time (news sites, podcasts, puzzles, etc.). If you don't replace it with something else you'll be bored and back on the apps rather quickly.
For social events, try smaller events. Maybe invite one or two classmates to study, or invite a teammate to coffee. You can also try virtual events since it removes the social pressure and gives you some privacy to process the experience.
What does ADBT mean? I have trouble in social atmosphere's as well and I would like to get better. Sometime, my impulsivity gets in the way and I will ramble, or since my voice is a little odd people don't listen or sometimes will just walk away, while I am mid sentence. It is rude of them, but when it happens consistently it can make you self conscious.
Your story sounds so familiar to me! I feel for you! I am 46, was diagnosed with ADHD at 41. Not sure if you've tried this, but a planner with 15 minute increments and actually planning out my day is what actually gets me to stay on task. And a timer! And...scheduling in tasks that I enjoy in between tasks that I don't want to do. For example, right now I am studying for my LCSW exam. I schedule time on my planner to study and only after I stick to it do I allow myself to do the enjoyable task. Or...unloading the dishwasher...a task I despise...instead of unloading 5 dishes and getting distracted and walking away, I will set a timer and race the clock to get the dishes unloaded so I beat the timer...LOL to the mind games I have to play with myself to get things done! But...you're an athlete so I'm guessing competition may be a motivator? Competition with a timer...sounds goofy, but helps me!
Also...are you taking meds now? Might be that you need to adjust the meds/when you take them. Might want to check with your doctor on that. Although I wish I didn't have to take them...the meds are key to helping me accomplish so much...as long as I stay disciplined not to go down a rabbit hole while on them. When I do take the meds and find myself hyper focused on online shopping versus studying, I have self-compassion with myself and use self-talk to remind myself to stay on task. Gentle, compassionate self-talk is key (not harsh critical self-talk). I know it can be so easy and natural to get down on yourself and frustrated! Been there done that! But remember, ADHD is a developmental disability and not one any of us asked for! It can be a blessing and a curse...and a superpower! When you find yourself off track...try to speak to yourself like you would a friend seeking help...in a kind, compassionate, understanding way. It really can help.
Wishing you the best! Hang in there! Oh...I also agree...a good therapist/DBT group could be super helpful!
Also...as it relates to your struggles with emotions...I get that too! Wonder if you've ever read about the emotional aspect of ADHD? Check this out for starters...additudemag.com/desr-emotio...
Seeing a psychologist should help. They can suggest coping techniques. A psychologist can also help you understand why you do many of the things you do. Just remember, it takes time. There is no instant fix to these things
An ol' fart here... soon hittin' 70, and diagnosed with ADD at 55.
Even tho the victories you mention might be small, ALWAYS keep 'em in mind, even if you need to write them down.
Granted, it's a royal PITA, but with many having a combo of short memory and, the proclivity to boot one's self in the ass whether it's deserved or not, any trick, or technique you can think of, and immediately use to counteract both that emotionally negative downward spiral, and have the proof of it to bolster your fledgling feelings of adequacy, can't really do any harm, even if you don't see the benefit of it.
Hello klink3 and here is a great resource for you: Check out ADDA (add.org). Many many offerings for weekly meetings on Zoom, webinars, library of videos and how-to’s for ADHD. The personal contact with people who are figuring it out Just As You Are is invaluable. They even have a yearly convocation that lasts a period of days which is available either in person or online. It is real people helping each other and the research and leadership is wonderful. They offer group meditation meetings, time together challenging and holding accountable task accomplishment meetings, newest research webinars with question and answers, Mens Group, Couples group, Healthy Habits, and lots more. Is only $5/month membership or $50/year!
Give it a look. I think you would benefit from talking with people who are struggling with the same issues but also have tools to offer together!! My best to you and keep in touch!
First of all, recognize that the negative thinking pattern is natural. According to scientific studies, 80-95% of the thoughts that people experience every day while awake are negative. (The lowest figure I've heard is 70%... those people must be the ones who see everything as "sunshine and rainbows". 😉 )
The amygdala is the part of the brain that is constantly scanning the world around us for danger, and our brains run through scenario after scenario of "what could happen", but very often things turn out much better than we imagined.
It's just easier for some people to dismiss those negative thoughts as irrelevant or very unlikely to actually occur.
If you look around the web, you ought to be able to find good information like the following:
But knowing what you can do and doing it are two very different things.
I have needed counseling/therapy at times for anxiety or depression. I've discovered that I am prone to anxiety, and just that knowledge puts me on guard against following my automatic thoughts down a path to becoming more anxious. Also, the ADHD medication I'm on, a non-stimulant called atomoxetine (the brand name version is Strattera) also functions as a mild antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication. Sometimes people on a stimulant medication are also prescribed an SSRI antidepressant or other mood stabilizer, and that's because not only do struggles with ADHD affect how we feel, but 70% of people with ADHD have comorbidities (1 or more additional neurological conditions, including learning differences, mood disorders, or even being on the autistic spectrum).
Social media and mobile apps are addicting, but often unfulfilling. I've gone through times when I was hooked on them, and before I had a smartphone it was TV sapping all my time and attention. I broke the TV habit when I had to focus on something much more important... Starting a new job and helping out with a newborn son when I was home (my wife had postpartum depression at the time), while trying to continue college part time . It was months before I could pick up a TV remote again. - I don't recommend having a child while you're in school, because you will find it even harder to make time to study.
Regarding socializing, there are things you can do. If you are a person of faith, go to church, join a Bible study. Join a club related to your interests. Take a community art class. Etc.
Ask fellow athletes to be in a study group with you. Even working on different subjects at the same time works. (This is called having a "Body Double".) I think that being in a group of people who are studying creates an environment that will help with focusing on studying, simply because we are social creatures.
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