I just got diagnosed with ADHD and soon after my niece also got diagnosed. She is 14 and lives in Bangalore, India. She was doing great in school before the pandemic, but her grades dropped drastically in last two years and she has also developed a serious tech addiction.
I spent hours explaining to her that a lot of these symptoms are not her fault and explained the condition and how it affects the brain to her. I apologized for all the times we chided her in the past for things that was not in her control. We want to help her learn to manage it better and also get her started on meds. However, we tried taking her to a psychiatrists and a therapist and they have both been incredibly harsh on her, telling her that everything is largely her fault and that meds wont "magically" turn her life around. Their tone was condescending and belittling and she came home crying from each of these visits.
We wan't to find someone who is kinder and can slowly help her. We are in no rush. But until we find someone better, I was thinking of getting her started on understanding the condition by reading a few books.
Are there any good books out there that is ideal for a 14 year old to understand ADHD better? She reads a lot but it has mostly been fiction.
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shnamb
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Your Niece may not realize for a long time what an ally she has, by having you in her life.When you said "However, we tried taking her to a psychiatrists and a therapist and they have both been incredibly harsh on her, telling her that everything is largely her fault and that meds wont "magically" turn her life around. Their tone was condescending and belittling and she came home crying from each of these visits. from all of these Mental/emotional Health Pro's..... RUN!! If they make her feel worse about herself, are not really listening to her, etc, keep looking for one with compassion, that's on her side, etc.
I can't tell you about ADHD books for teens, but 2 of the best books I've found most helpful were- 'Driven to Distraction' And 'Delivered from Distraction' by Drs Hallowell and Ratey. The 2nd book was the best for me (I thought they were talking about me at times!)
A lot (Most?) of ADHD is managing it. There is no cure. But for me, my Rx (Adderall for me) has helped me tremendously. I definitely still struggle a lot. As I said, it's not a cure, but it's made my life much better. I also did a lot of reading and checking out websites. Also, as with you and your Niece, ADHD does run in famlies.
2) Another part is to help someone in life who's struggling as you are/were.
3) Leave the world a better place.
You've already figured out all 3. (You're making/leaving the world a better placed by trying to give guidance, direction and hope to your Niece. And I commend you greatly for this).
Keep trying. Keep looking for what might help you or her. Never Give Up!
You're welcome. ADHD is running rampant in my family-at least on my father's side. From the best I can tell, it goes back at least to my Grandparents all the way to my 2nd cousins (4 Generations). I have yet to convince anyone in my family to look into ADHD. Same for people outside my family. I've given away at least 6 copies of 'Delivered from Distraction'. And I have yet to hear from anyone about it (once I give them the book, I usually won't bring it up. Nobody has asked me any questions, etc). I guess it's not a total loss for the cost of the books I gave out. They probably got some use out the book when Covid started, and there was the on going Toilet Paper shortage.
I hope your tears were from the feelings of connection, relief, hope, and/or peace of mind.
And again - Never Give Up!
(FYI, I live in the Chicago area. I have yet to meet any Doctor, etc, that I would consider an 'Expert' on ADHD. But you, like me, will keep trying).
I giggled at the TP shortage! Self awareness is such a rare thing sigh! Thank you for sharing your experience. You seem like a delightful person. It's nice to meet a midwesterner. I lived in Wisconsin for two years, did my masters there.
Thanks for the kudos. The sad part about it is, that if we were to meet (not knowing this website), it's highly unlikely we would connect on this subject. Since we're on a blog, where we all are dealing with the same issues, I can 'Let My Guard Down' (?). This place is safe for me. Hopefully for you as well.To have this website is great. but it would be even better to spend time with others with the same issues. Who 'Get it', and want to improve their lives and be happier.
That is so true! I would really love to find a real in-person support group just to share the new things you find and be excited together and share these experiences with! I have people I can talk to, but it would be so much nicer to talk to people who get it.
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