ADHD he’ll on earth

[theDudeishere]

Trying to find help. Can’t find help with ADHD near me that’s affordable, My wife is at her end with me and my ADHD. She’s trying to stay together until the kids are out of the house. My kids are tired of me.. I feel like I shouldn’t have been born. Why does God make our lives so hard.

[Kellj8]

Hello,

I hope you are able to find some support and peace here amongst us like minded folks! Yes, treatment is expensive, I am a big fan of podcasts, youtube, and Amazon for books/resources for understanding Adhd symptoms and non medication solutions. I know it’s hard and especially finding time to read or make time to listen. If cost is a major factor do your best to sue the library for reading resources. For my SO there is still a rift so give time and offer grace. If you are listening to a podcast or YouTube keep it on speaker my SO took an interest when I had them playing every now and then and ended up exploring on her own. It’s helped us but again still struggles. If you can make time to get exercise or a walk everyday it helps more than I gave it credit for. I am sorry the days can be hard and from me to you no matter what others may say, I know you are doing your best so give yourself credit. Don’t let the heaviness hold you down and keep you there, take care of your body and mind and love the mind you have. It’s amazing and we have gifts others don’t, but with those gifts we live in a world not geared for us. It’s a great world just harder for us to thrive in.

[HyperfocusedSquirrel]

Hey, this time of year is rough. The last couple years of covid craziness don't make it any easier. Be kind to yourself. <3

[F_RN_Dx_at_39]

Screw God. You're in charge. There's no putting it in someone else's hands. Yes, our brains fight us. But we have to fight for what we want. We have tools. Do you have health insurance? Find a counselor who specializes in ADHD. Find a Psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD. Read Melissa Orlov's book on ADHD and marriage. Find some CBT workbooks. If you're taking meds for ADHD, and they're not right, talk to your Psychiatrist, and talk with your Pharmacist. Pharmacist's are amazing. If you've tried and failed several ADHD drugs, and you can afford it, get Genetic Testing... Genesight or Genomind are two, that look at how our bodies can utilize medications, or our resistance or side effects to them. Build yourself some habits/ a schedule, like you may have made for your kids. I say this from my experience. You have to fight for the life you want and the people you want in it. I'm still fighting, and doing the work. A free podcast that I've found helpful is Adult ADHD ADD Tips and Support. There is a ton of free resources out there if you look. And talk with your wife and kids. Be honest and vulnerable. And be kind to yourself, and them. You direct your life. Yes, it's hard, and yes, it can feel like we lost the steering wheel, but when things get bad enough, you have to take charge and find help. Screw God, and the idea of asking a higher power to handle it for you. Screw prayer. Manifest your destiny. You've got this!

[theDudeishere in reply to F_RN_Dx_at_39]

Will do. I got hit with a $10,000 deductible when Obamacare hit. Being self-employed is a different story when it comes to health insurance. But you make a lot of good points.

[F_RN_Dx_at_39 in reply to theDudeishere]

On point with the trauma bit, my doctor recommended I see a trauma therapist. I said 'Okay, but what do I tell them? ' I've got chronic pain, and she said that's enough of a starting point. I snagged an audiobook from the library (totally free with the free Libby app and a library #) called 'It didn't start with you'. It's been very illuminating. I'm also listening to Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and finding it useful in letting more about healthy relationships and what makes them work or not work. A lot of Ah-Ha moments with this one too. I love the audiobooks because you can be actively doing other things while listening, and I think a lot of us ADHD folks like that. Of the ADHD books, the podcast I mentioned is by a guy who wrote a book called the Drummer and the Great Mountain. He also does workshops, and I just attended one in August. It was helpful. Another free resource is Kanopy.com which you can also link to your library card. You get 6 free movies per month, but you have unlimited views on their educational lecture series, And they have one on cognitive behavioral therapy / CBT that a friend told me about.Diet is another area you can look at. Sugar and alcohol are good ones to cut out and help you stabilize. A quick internet search even on this site should help you find some suggestions on things to try eliminating and see if they help. And don't forget to share your insights/ changes you want to try or make, with your whole family. You can ask them for help or gentle reminders if you get off track. They will eventually appreciate your putting in the effort, even if they may act a little annoyed at first. And don't underestimate building habits. Another helpful book I've recently come across is the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. And if you don't have one, get a journal, so you can write down things that stand out as important and easily go back and reflect on them, to build your toolkit.

[Quilter470 in reply to F_RN_Dx_at_39]

What a despicable thing to say! Screw God? Unbelievable!

[F_RN_Dx_at_39 in reply to Quilter470]

Believe it. Relying on someone else/ a higher power, to fix your problems, is not going to work. You have to do the work. Pray for your spiritual fulfillment, the meaning of life, that you get cool Christmas presents, Bobby will ask you out for a date next week etc, but when you need help because you're not neurotypical, and your brain isn't working for you, and you're in crisis, you have to look to trained/ experienced experts on ADHD, and you have to do the work. Praying might feel nice, but it's not going to fix anything. You've got to grab the bull by the horns on this one.

[Quilter470 in reply to F_RN_Dx_at_39]

I'm sorry for you. Defaming God won't get you anywhere. No one said anything about relying on God to solve all our problems, but He is the ultimate resource for help when all else fails. God bless.

[F_RN_Dx_at_39 in reply to Quilter470]

May your faith provide you peace.

[EnthusiasticNovice]

Dear theDudeishere,

I want to validate the huge amount of pain you've expressed in your post. The feeling of trying over and over and still feeling like a failure is a real ADHD issue. I don't have any amazing advice to offer, but I want to ask - what is it that is causing you the most grief with your ADHD right now? If your relationship with your wife and children is strained, I can imagine that things feel pretty tough. Which brings me to my next question...

I know that everyone asks this, but I want to voice the question just in case... Are you aware of any childhood emotional abuse in your background? Getting the right help for this type of trauma is crucial, because there is nothing else that can turn ADHD ugly more quickly than untreated emotional baggage (speaking from very painful experience). Many folks say that growing up undiagnosed or untreated was traumatic by itself.

If you have looked into trauma therapy, and it hasn't worked, no judgment here! CBT was useless to me, and talk therapy had limited value. I found that books by Pete Walker spoke to me the most. And if the above isn't relevant to you, as Athena Moberg of the CPTSD Foundation says, "take the best and leave the rest"!

Your wife may have baggage of her own that makes life difficult for her. In case you find some value in this, I'll leave a link here to a support group for spouses of people with ADHD:

adhdrollercoaster.org/tools...

Thanks for opening up to us here - I know it isn't always easy. Sending good thoughts your way.

- Enthusiastic Novice

[Muneca48]

After seeing your post and sincerely feeling the pain and struggle you're living, I can 100% empathize with you. I too am having an extremely hard time with my ADHD and my significant other. He has 4 kids and man have I had a difficult time with them and they too are tired of me. Putting in the work by reading and researching doesn't seem like its enough . The only advice I can give is the same as the others have replied with on here. But one thing ive done that has extremely helped me was getting " The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook" seco d edition. I got it on amazon for 14 bucks it has a light green cover. This book has done so much for me and especially in the areas with my significant other. He sees the difference in me since getting this book and actually going through it. I hope things get better for you . Feel free to message me if you need to. Support is such a helpful thing in a world with so many neuro-typical people.

[Muneca48]

This is the book

Green book

[Hidden]

If you want to pursue treatment and money is an issue this company I used is really cost effective

circlemedical.com/what-we-t...

The billing section will answer your cost questions

I know it's easy to pity ourselves sometimes, but a victim mentality will hurt yourself and your family so I hope you can find ways to put your strengths forward and just accept any human is flawed and we all have our own struggles. Putting in effort to better yourself is always a very admirable trait anyone can be inspired from

[SouLegend]

If you want, I can try to help.

I usually give around 4 questions and 1 event. After that, you can control your emotions and feelings better.

I just want to find someone to help.

I can't do anything other than helping people out of pure kindness.

[MarieSch]

ADHD sucks, and I understand what you are saying so well. Sounds like you do need help. Are there any kind of therapists who can see you? I have a hard time finding anyone who understands adults with ADHD. But maybe you can find a marriage counselor who understands ADHD.

I do know sincerity matters. And helping your wife understand what ADHD is with brain chemistry, and not some moral choice, might also be helpful.

[Chispi]

My husband has ADHD and it is true that it is not easy at all, but I think that doing both of you can make it easier.

What things make your wife on the verge of leaving you?

Good courage and I advise you to seek help to try to solve the situation.