52 yo female who cannot get diagnosed....help??

Hello All,

I just found this website, and I love the idea of people helping others. I am a 52 year old woman, and I know I have AD(H)D, mostly Inattentive, but also I am very impulsive and a risk taker, though not bouncing off the walls hyper, I am a fidgeter and I am way more active than most women my age, which sucks on another level, because I have no female friends that like to do the things I like to do. ADHD runs in my family, and I was 12 in 1982 when it was still thought only boys had the disorder. My health insurer who offers mental healthcare is using that criteria--a diagnosis by age 12 (the VSM-5)--as the only marker to allow access to be assessed for ADHD. I have Kaiser in Sacramento County, CA. I have been struggling to get care and it's maddening and giving me bad anxiety. Perimenopause has exacerbated my ADHD symptoms and the coping mechanisms I used my whole life up to this point are no longer working. I was uninsured for quite a while, and just got affordable health insurance because my husband was on unemployment this year. I will likely loose this healthcare on Dec. 31, 2021, when the funding goes away. I cannot afford the $700+ premium per month which is the normal cost, so the clock is ticking for me to get care.

So I have only about 3.5 months left to get diagnosed, and Kaiser is giving me the run around. I now have a Kaiser patient advocate that is trying to pressure them to give me care, but everything is done through snailmail and she is nearly impossible to reach on the phone, which is anxiety giving in its own right. There is not much research on women with ADHD, and this is part of the problem. Anyone else have this problem and find a solution, particularly if you are in the Northern CA region?

Thank you for your time.

[poindex-princess]

Hi Roxy,

I wish I could help. I am replying just to say I’m in an eerily similar situation. I live in Sacramento, CA and Kaiser’s mental health care has only been a drain on me. Psych appointments are only available 2 or 3 months in the future, and that appointment just got me a referral to another therapist who is available in 2-3 months. I even paid a telehealth company out of pocket for a consultation and I was told that if I didn’t fail classes in grade school (not high school or college) I don’t have ADHD. I was told I’m depressed - LOL it’s depressing!

One thing I’ve done is enroll in Kaiser’s online ADHD skills class that’s available to anyone. It’s a 7 part series that should give you some tips and help you meet people in a similar situation. I know it’s not a diagnosis ☹️ I’m out here struggling too and I really wish you all the best.

[Hidden in reply to poindex-princess]

I spoke to a therapist in Roseville the day before yesterday, and things have changed with Kaiser's mental health department in the last couple of weeks. For starters, I believe they are now doing in person appointments, at least some of their mental health doctors.

But the therapist I spoke to said Kaiser is now contracting directly with outside mental health professionals (she was one of them) to offer more immediate appointments because there are too many people who need care and their current psychs and counselors cannot handle the patient load. BTW, Depression and Anxiety are the 2 most common misdiagnosis for mature women. It's been documented. I was told I have anxiety and not ADHD, which when my husband heard that he laughed aloud in disbelief, because he watches me in our life and has thought for years I have ADHD, because of my textbook symptoms like losing things constantly, unable to see a task from start to finish without getting sidetracked, being so engrossed in certain things that intrigue me that I loose all touch with time and don't even hear him in the same room talking, and he has to say my name louder and louder and sometimes wave his arms for me to come back to reality. I am a night owl by nature and early mornings have always been hard for me. I am horrible at turn-taking in conversations, and blurt things out, which always makes him say: Can you please let me finish what I am saying??? He is really a saint and patient with me, because of my ADHD. I immediately asked for a new psychiatrist after the misdiagnosis. I don't know how old you are, Poindex-Princess, but if you are older than 40, I would file a grievance with Kaiser, tell them you are misdiagnosed, and that they need to update their process for assessing adult women with ADHD, because they only use the VSM-5 criteria of 12 year old diagnosis cut-off age to determine who has it, and if you are female and of a certain age, especially if you did not live in a large metropolitan, you were likely not diagnosed at a young age because many practitioners did not believe girls had it. I'd call Kaiser and demand to be seen by a psychiatrist who specializes in treating adult mature women. The more of us who call them out on this, the more likely they will make changes. At the very least, tell them your "depression" is getting worse and debilitating (whether it's true or not), because you cannot be seen by a psychiatrist who can correctly see you. Tell them your symptoms are ruining your life, threatening your job, and personal relationships and finances, and sob a little if you can. Trust me, they will put an urgency on you getting seen.

I know this may seem dishonest, but it will get the ball rolling and the way I see it, it's all fair game in an unjust system that is not meeting your needs and only offering inadequate care. I have real trauma from sexual assault, and I need my ADHD to be put in check to apply for jobs, so I was not making any of it up, but the flagged me as needing urgent mental healthcare, and tried to get the ball rolling within a couple of weeks.

Thank you very much for weighing in, and at the very least, it's good to know I am not the only one out here struggling. Best of luck to you.