Did anyone else not really know their struggles were ADHD related even though being diagnosed as a child?

[CleoKat]

Hi, I'm new on here!

Short introduction: I'm 26 (F) and was diagnosed with ADD (ADHD-PI) around +-10 years old.

Over the years I did get help with the practical struggles of ADHD, like guidance at school for homework and planning, social skill building, and a little help from our family guide/councelor (we needed one because of my little sister with high IQ, severe autism, and parents on and off depressed) who helped me with understanding my sister and with practical struggles like cleaning my room and getting up on time.

I was given medication untill I was +-15 and didn't want it anymore, because it made me feel like I wasn't myself.

Because of losing my routine and daily structure due to graduating two years ago, I've come to realize I actually had no clue how much my ADHD affected every part of my life. And that it wasn't simply my fault for being flakey, unmotivated or sensitive. I never actually really learned what ADHD was. I knew it made me forget things and distracted, but not that it made me socially awkward, emotional and stuck in my head.

I'm currently working really hard to learn to work with my brain and to unlearn unhealthy thinking patterns, get back on the right medication (which is a long and difficult journey because my body is sensitive to almost EVERY ADHD medication), and after that I'm trying to get therapy.

But I often feel like I could've had such a better, easier path growing up if I'd just had more guidance with all of my ADHD, not just the practical side. I have a hard time not blaming myself, my teachers or my parents for not noticing that I maybe needed proper therapy. Even though I know my parents had a lot going on surrounding my sister. I just feel like I've wasted my youth and that I could've prevented my (suspected) depression and/or burnout.

I'm hoping therapy will help me, but I just want to feel less alone in my experience.

Did anyone else not really know or maybe ignore their symptoms for a long time even with a diagnosis?

[eveecon]

Hey! This is my first day on this forum too. I am a 23(F) and I totally understand where you are coming from. Although I was only diagnosed when I was 21.

I hope my story can help you feel less alone because I am too feeling highly alone through this realization. I am first generation American and from a lower class household so I was never given the education and attention needed to learn efficiently. I never saw any worth in myself throughout k-12 and I thought I simply didn't care about school. I never thought I would end up in college since none of my immediate family or extended family had been successful. I left high school with a 2.1 GPA and thought i'd simply continue working since I had already been working since I was 15. But during my senior year I felt like I needed to be an example for my family so I headed to college. I found out my first year that I had ADHD but I was not aware of the symptoms and only related ADHD with school and continued school without medication for the most part.

I finished college during the pandemic and landed a job and I assumed it would help with the feelings of inadequacy or my life would instantly change and I would no longer feel like I am in a constant struggle but that hasn't changed. My life has been chaotic as well since I have also had a sibling with a mental health disorder and have dedicated much of my time to try to help him instead of understanding myself. I have recently moved away to take care of myself since I got COVID and ended with long haul covid symptoms. I am now for the first time only focused on myself and have realized that I have had these symptoms my whole life.

I understand where you are coming from about wishing you had known earlier but that is not an option. Even though my life hasn't been the best and I have dealt with depression and anxiety also without proper diagnosis I am feeling very grateful because I never knew what made me so different. The more I am learning to accept myself the more I am able to love myself unconditionally. I just started learning today about ADHD and feel completely lost but hopefully this can help you feel less alone it'll get better

[CleoKat in reply to eveecon]

Thank you so much for replying!

The part you write about having a job and still struggling is interesting to me, because a few people have been suggesting I would probably feel much better with a salary job instead of being a freelancer/entrepreneur (I have a BA in Illustraton and 85% of us work freelance). But I can't find any jobs in my field and if I would go do someting entirely different from my chosen career path, I feel like I'd be so unhappy and still a mess. I just want to do what I studied for, what I like doing, and be my own boss. But ADHD doesn't make this very easy either haha!

I've read it's a common part of a late diagnosis (or in my case being late with taking it seriously) to grieve about what could have been different. I know I can't change the past, and I'm glad I'm working on my struggles now. But because I already knew I have ADHD when I was a child, it doesn't feel as liberating? Forgiving myself for not being pro-active in working with my brain instead of against it feels hard. And forgiving others usually comes easier to me, but this time this feels harder as well. But that's why I know I need therapy, and the fact that I'm actively searching for help now proves I'm at least ready to start forgiving. Just need a little help with that :).

I've spend a lot of my time in the past year and a half researching ADHD, so if you have any questions or are looking for resources I might be able to help! I'm not an expert in every detail (yet :'D), but feel free to ask!

[icanandyoucan2]

Wow. Let me tell you a bit about myself (it may sound familiar). I'm a 26 year old woman, diagnosed with ADHD at age 10, with older siblings with high IQ's and one with behavioral tendencies on the spectrum. All the years of my schooling were such a strain. I continued to take medication of different types and doses from age 13 on, though sporadically. I have been off of medication for over a year now because of the pandemic, but am wanting to go back on a small dosage when I am able in October.

It has been difficult to realize that my challenges do not go away now that school is done. So much of the journey has been stained by that self-deprication you refer to: feeling inherently flawed and not knowing to attribute those feelings to the consequences of ADHD symptoms.

google.com/url?sa=t&source=...

The above resource by Sari Solden and Michelle Frank has been so revelatory this past year. I knew last summer that ADHD was a component of my struggles (feeling as though my life has been wasted, feeling incompetent even as I recognize my abilities and intelligence, being tempted to blame the people I love for forming me poorly), but I didn't realize how much and why. This book is simple and conversational, and even cheesy at times, but I found something that resonated deeply with me on nearly every single page. It has helped me begin on a path of self-acceptance, which is such a freeing direction, though I have a long way to go. Check it out! It may bring some healing and direction. It was a good resource for me to refer to when I was moving through therapy this past year.

Thanks for sharing a bit of your story. I'm realizing more and more that it is so helpful to have a sense of solidarity and community with the condition we have.

[Khyson2019]

Thank you for sharing CleoKat, Trust me when I say you are not alone, most of us on this forum can relate to everything you mention.

I didn't realize I had ADHD until I turned 35years old when my son way diagnosed.

I have seen hundreds of chat from people who didn't realize they has ADHD until their 50's or 60's including my father.

When I was first diagnosed I spent months feeling sad and depressed for my elementary self who felt different, didnt understand why my room was so messy and I felt bored in class.

While I still have my days of sadness, I believe it will be a better use of my time celebrating by strengths and putting systems in place to help me survive today and going forward.

I am working on implementing.

1. Planner, cell phone reminders

2. Personality test, find my skills and strengths

3. KEY HOOK by the front door

4. House keeper, once a week, month or year.

5. Kumari cleaning method, keeping clutter out no matter what.

6. Medication if needed

7. Positive people in my life

8. Exercise

9. Therapy when needed

10. Limit social media,

11. Fun goals

12. Focus on my strengths.

It's not always easy but I believe it's possible, I never thought I could complete college because of my ADHD, but reading your post and so many others give me inspiration that anything is possible.

Thank you for sharing your experience and inspiring others!