Anyone else relate?

[ChemicalCandy_]

Hello all, I am new to this forum. I am a teen, recently diagnosed, and for as long as I can remember I feel like I've been toeing the line of insanity. Now my mood swings are so bad they're all-encompassing and I am worried that someday I won't be able to function because of them. Does anyone else feel this way? I have several other ADHD-friends/family members and no one else seems to feel this way. My therapist told me it was normal but in a "hmm we should keep an eye on that," type of way. When I'm high I am on top of the world and I wonder how I could ever be depressed... when I am depressed, well I am sure most of you have experienced that. When either side gets bad I also start experiencing depersonalization and derealization and both are freaking scary. Does anyone else have this? I've looked into bipolar since it kind of runs in my family but those episodes are supposed to last a long time and usually my mood changes hourly. I've been depressed for months but never euphoric for more than a week I don't think. Suggestions? Hopefully this makes sense haha (currently in a "manic" episode").

[FindingTheAnswers]

Hi. My answer is yes. I grew up in a very dysfunctional (crazy) family, of which, who knows how many had ADHD. When I was living at home, when something crazy was going on, it would be like I was... fading away..., disappearing..., like a fog was coming over me. I would wonder how far, or how long do I have before I reach a point of no return (insanity). I haven't thought about this for many years, but as I write this, there's an unsettling feeling coming over me. It's still weird, and scary to think about. It's hard to explain, but I understand. I also thought I might be Bi-Polar, but several Mental Health Pros have said no. My mood swings usually happen when my Adderall wears off (and it's usually not pleasant. My mood can drop fairly quickly).

You mentioned "experiencing depersonalization and derealization". That sounds right, but I need to look into this more so I understand it better (I'm still learning).

*Are the people around you 'Safe' (family and other people you spend a lot of time with). *Do you trust them? Do you feel comfortable around them or is it more of "somethings not right but I can't put it to words". I hope you have a least one person who understands you, someone you trust, someone who's on your side. If my story doesn't relate, keeping looking for someone's who does.

Try your best to stay positive. I know it's hard at times.

Above everything else, keep trying. Never Give Up!

[ChemicalCandy_ in reply to FindingTheAnswers]

Thank you for this. My family isn't abusive, but it is definitely toxic (mom is a depressed narc) and I have been coming to terms with that recently, maybe this is my body's physical manifestation of stress. What is strange is that I don't feel a crash on these meds - I'm on Vyvanse, but I'm also on a relatively low dose. In fact, when I'm on the meds I usually feel good or normal and when I am off of them I get far more depressed. I don't know if it's because my brain is finally getting dopamine or what, I am trying not to stress about it yet haha. Anyway thanks! I will definitely try to find in someone who experiences similar symptoms or at least someone who I can confide in, maybe the fact that someone else knows about it will take the edge off a bit. It's good to know I am not alone!

(PS really quickly, you should look into it more if you are interested, but depersonalization, which I suffer from more severely, is basically when you feel entirely disconnected from your body. Your brain is here and it's talking to you, but it isn't controlling you. Something else is making you walk to the bathroom, open the toothpaste, make every single motion required to brush your teeth. Tasting toothpaste and water but not recognizing your tongue. And that goes for everything all day long. I think it's a version of a panic attack where I've told myself not to panic for too long and everything just shuts down. It usually leads to derealization, which is when everything else in the world isn't real - if I open a book there will be no words on the pages because my brain is telling me it's a book when how could I know that? Scents aren't real, feeling the wall or a fork or a pencil doesn't help because "I'm just imagining everything, everything only exists because I tell it too." It's a matrix-esque, extreme existential crisis type of feeling. They're exhausting and I think a lot of people experience it without realizing what it is so no one really talks about it. That was a lot longer than I thought but I hope it explains it half-decently!)

[FindingTheAnswers in reply to ChemicalCandy_]

For me, I think the Adderall (Vyvanse is similar) also acts like a short term antidepressant (most Dr's don't want to look at it that way, if it goes against their training or the DSM. I understand how depersonalization and derealization can mess with you and definently cause anxiety or a panic attack. I also agree that there are others with similar troubles, but it's hard to find people like us. (How would I start that conversation? "You know, I used to experience feelings I was losing my mind.....). But when some of people drop their Guard, and feel they can be honest about what they experience, you and are not the only ones like this. But I usually have to know someone a long time before I'll drop my Guard and try to be open with someone (this being tougher for guys?). It's sad but unfortunately neccessary that we/people need to protect ourselves from further pain or embarrassment. Take care.

[BatWoman87]

Hi ChemicalCandy, have you noticed any timing of your mood swings? e.g. could it be associated with medications wearing off etc. as FindingTheAnswers suggested?

Some flags that were raised in your post for me were "When I'm high I'm on top of the world" ; "never euphoric for more than a week"; and "When either side gets bad I start experiencing depersonalization and derealization" - this still sounds like mania to me (not a professional here! Take that with a grain of salt!). During the screening questionnaires I get from my family doctor and psychiatrist in advance of appointments, I know I've been assigned the bipolar screening questionnaire when I see questions asking about feeling "on top of the world".

Bipolar II is less severe than Bipolar I and does not necessarily interfere with or inhibit daily functioning, and the "manic" episodes can be "hypomania" which is not as severe as mania.

"To be considered mania, the elevated, expansive, or irritable mood must last for at least one week and be present most of the day, nearly every day. To be considered hypomania, the mood must last at least four consecutive days and be present most of the day, almost every day."

"During this period, three or more of the following symptoms must be present and represent a significant change from usual behavior:

Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity

Decreased need for sleep

Increased talkativeness

Racing thoughts

Distracted easily

Increase in goal-directed activity or psychomotor agitation

Engaging in activities that hold the potential for painful consequences, e.g., unrestrained buying sprees"

One episode of mania or hypomania, along with episodes of depression, would suffice for a diagnosis of bipolar. So even if most of the time your mood swings are just a few hours long, if you've had an episode that lasted days, that would point in the direction of bipolar.

Are your mood swings triggered by a situation, person, or event? Or, do they appear with no apparent reason? Do you go to bed euphoric and wake up the next morning in the dumps?

You mention having spoken to your therapist a wee bit about it. What are your therapist's credentials? e.g. psychotherapist (psychologist) or psychiatrist? Or is your therapist a counsellor (Master's of Social Work or Master's in psychology)?

If you haven't already, I would suggest speaking with a medical professional about your experiences and symptoms, e.g. your family doctor or a psychiatrist.

I hope this input helps.

💙

[DesertAl]

While euphoric is a wonderful place to be, most of our lives is not euphoric, just had to mention. Pot can support your emotional armor, yet I have found that it does not make my situation better on its own. So when issues cascade out of control, you are left with an ineffective moderator. You want to learn effective coping mechanisms that you can have available when needed. Another suggestion is, commit to a longer time frame to learning about how you present, i.e. behaviors and impacts.

Pot has worked for me by allowing me to focus when my head is screaming "don't want to."

Pot also seems to be highly effective at reducing the speed at which I am reactive.

I describe the benefits as having the effect of expanding my personal bubble outward. I find pot allows me to engage those that are seeking my attention. For me my overreacting causes my most harmful self shaming; so mitigating this impact is very important for me.

You should know we [ADHDers] are more prone to substance abuse, FYI.

You are just diagnosed, give yourself some time to learn about yourself and what you're dealing with on a mental basis. Breath, it helps, and be kind to yourself, that has to be part of your education.

[75ADHDgal]

Many people with ADHD also have bipolar disorder. I am a Nurse Practitioner and also have ADHD and no the mood swings are not "normal" for ADHD but they are for bipolar disorder and it can be treated. you should right away look this up on the internet and have your psychiatrist do a full evaluation to see if that is what you have dual diagnosis of ADHD and Bipolar disorder