Hi Everyone , why do I feel so isolated during “isolation”, drifting away from the outside world and what I can do about it ?

[Boingel1234]

I am 36 years old married with kids. I have been diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago and take 60mg Elvanse.

My wife has tested positive cv19 last eel and it has completely knocked her of her feet and our family needs to isolate for 10 days.

I know that it’s now my turn to step it up but I find it very challenging because I can focus one thing at a time and as my objective is to give my wife rest I really struggle giving my kids stricture , time schedules isn’t my strongest point exactly.

I try very hard to keep them busy through loads of arts and crafts , painting , new games etc. I feel like I am on a race since they wake up ( actually I wake up ) it’s from breakfast to lunch to supper non stop I am chasing my tail like a headless chicken , in addition trying to avoid the house to look like it has hit a tornado ( my wife is very particular to keep the house clean and tidy on the occasion that she may take a piep out of her bedroom )

On top of that 5 employees that are meant to be working . Friends and family are very supportive, dropping on food and offer help in every way however because I feel so cut off from the world with no schedule I feel so isolated (pun intended) I have no desire to connect with anyone , answer calls or even look at emails. It’s wrong and also rude not to acknowledge their support or calls , it makes me cringe and feel so guilty of it even when I try I cannot wait for the moment to hang up. Is it normal to feel like that ? Why can’t I be a bit more friendly and tuned in to what’s going on. Why do I feel so cut off and can’t wait to go back under my blanket to watch all night ? I would be so grateful if someone can tell me what is happening and if there is something I can do about it.

Thank you very much for taking you time in reading my struggle and look forward in hearing from anyone who can offer some advise I have never in my life reached out in such a platform.

Thank you.

[acrononymous]

What has happened is that the normal structure of your day has gone to the dogs and it has left you overwhelmed.

If friends and family are willing to help, let them. Maybe virtual video calls they can help keep the kids busy for a bit so you can focus on something else. For your sanity, see if you can schedule it.

Build routines. Start with bedtime. Use timers to remind you and the kids that it’s time to brush teeth and get ready for bed. Reset the timer to remind everyone that it’s now time for a story and to get into bed.

My children are grown and timers still save my sanity.

Check out ADDitude magazine and add.org for webinars and resources for building structure into your days. Add.org has a membership fee of $50/year but it gives you access to everything they have, including support groups. ADDitude mag’s webinars are free. You just have to register.

[Boingel1234 in reply to acrononymous]

Dear Acrononymous , it is soo kind of you to take your time to reply to a complete stranger. I am truly grateful. Thank you for your comments. The challenge I have with creating routines is that , any routines for my 5 kids is usually done by their mum bless her, she’s amazing at it , I am so rubbish to carry them out let alone create them. So I therefore have little confidence as to what or how things are best way to run them. I will someone tell them it’s bed time and they will tell them “ oh mammy allows this or mammy does it that way “ I give up.

I will def check out the resources you mention.

Thank you again for your time. Have a nice weekend.

[HeartLove2]

Please know that the functional role of the husband and the wife are very, very different. The woman is also overwhelmed with childcare and household chores, however, she's a creative problem solver who will push forward with resilience. Often women create a social network to help them because child care and raising a family is quite overwhelming on an hourly basis. I would assume that your wife has developed small routines throughout the day to keep the house tidy and the home clean. Please know that you cannot compare yourself to your spouse.

During this time, I can only imagine that you are humbled by getting some help from people outside the family. My sister and I recently spoke about how our parents never modeled getting help.

So when it came time for my sister and I to ask for real help as adults, we felt completely shameful. We both feel embarrassed asking a neighbor for help. We both feel embarrassed asking a friend for help. We would be frozen solid before we asked a stranger for help. I'm talking about things like: can I borrow a pair of scissors, to... can you help me move my mom's things, she's just passed away. For us, there are negative emotions associated with asking for help. As if it means we are somehow less than. There are even more negative emotions associated with receiving the help.

Perhaps there's something in there for you to investigate. There is maybe a hidden expectation that you should NOT need help. We definitely need help, every family needs help. Every single family needs help. We are all suffering and isolation and need to find ways to connect.

Definitely no reason for you to pick up the phone or be overly social at this time. If you're not feeling it, don't fake it. Find your own simple way to say thank you. One of the kids can write thank you notes and drop them in the mailbox.

Practice asking for help. Be proactive in asking for help on a daily basis. Try it as an experiment and remove judgment from your own actions.

This is hard. This is so very hard. We can do hard things.

Love & hugs!