My five year old was just diagnosed as being in the spectrum (high functioning) with learning a disability. And I am so very overwhelmed that I’ve been very depressed and full of anxiety.
I’m a single mother of two and also suspect my seven year old non binary child is adhd. Being diagnosed with adhd my self at the age of 35 I find my self wondering if I could help them. I love them with every cell of my body and want nothing less than to bring them up to be loving, caring and successful individuals but I ask my self this, how can I do that if I feel so broken my self.
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Momsteady
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Please don’t feel that way. Your children are lucky they have a mum that gets it, has been there and will be in their corner.
You can help them and will. You’re not broken. You’re just feeling your way around in the dark right now and need a bit of support. You’re clearly astute and could see your children needed people to understand them as they were different. I wish more parents were as clued in!
U gi oh are actually blessed because your brain works like theirs does in several ways. You have an inside track on helping them. Maybe start with getting g the older child assessed?
You can most definitely help them. You can validate their feelings and support them, and you’ll be able to naturally empathize with some of their difficulties in ways that others can’t. Never hesitate to ask for help when you need it. Just like on a plane, when we are told to put our oxygen masks on ourselves before we put them on our children, you need to take care of yourself in order to be the most effective advocate for your kids. So make sure you have the support you need for all of you. Is your 5-year-old in school yet? Did they recommend any services?
Thank you so much for your positive input. My 5 yr. old is not in school yet since he was born in October he will be one of the older kids in Kinder this coming fall. We are on his third session of OT via zoom and yes the Doctor who assessed him has recommended several services, aside from the OT he’s currently receiving. I pray it all goes well and that I figure it all out.
You can understand them in ways that a neurotypical parent could not: you can tell them honestly that you grasp their feelings, in the moment—this already gives you better odds of success.
Also, it is society that disables you: it is social expectations that make differences in how you experience life into a problem. In a less predictable world, where the extreme consistency now demanded would be a danger not only to one's own survival, but to that of others, those who now conform (and are prized for doing so) would be the ones "disabled" and punished for their differences.
Proof is in the occupations where ADHD predominates and favors success (EMT, firefighters, etc.): unpredictable or dangerous environments where others might freeze or focus on favored individuals rather than those in greatest need are where brains that prioritize naturally on urgency rather than "importance" save lives.
Good morning, Momsteady. If you online name holds any clues about you, it looks like you have calmed the feeling of being overwhelmed before. You absolutely can help your kids. Maybe you are different, but you aren't broken. Tap into your creativity, your understanding of yourself and them, and most of all be forgiving and kind to yourself. Find their strengths and yours, reinforce them; and chip away at the weaknesses. A little knowledge of self can go a very long way.Be well.
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