pleas answer these questions

[kirmenmir]

tell me, are there any difficulties in love regarding adhd?

how do i tell someone that i have adhd without being wierd?

how do i shut up my mind when i want to rest (not sleep, just not think)?

[mcfail]

Hi Kirmenmir....wow - big questions...

on the love question - ADHD can be tough for partners to deal with due to our different ways of thinking and our difficulty in being organized, staying on task staying focused or remembering / forgeting / acting out frustration, anger management/emotional disregulation etc etc etc.....I "think" the answer to this part AND the second question is to be straight forward and mater fo fct as much as possible. ..." I have ADD or ADHD...its a challenge that I'm working on....you may have noticed that I.......(explain your isssue(s))... Kirmenmeir, if you had migraines or digestive problems would you have a problem telling a significant (love) interest? They need to understand what they are getting into and you need to know that they will be entering the relationship with full ( or at least a decent amount of) knowledge / understanding. And hey - if its going to be too much for them , well that's understandable and may hurt but better now than when your in up to your neck.

As to the mind issue I don't have a solid answer, but for ME, reading an interesting book or watching TV seems to occupy my mind and I can drift into stresslessness. Also, it may sound silly but its great if you can build a "happy place" that you can mentally go to to rest. Over the years I have developed a place - a cabin overlooking a valley in the woods. It is very peaceful - no judgement, no demands, just fresh air and quiet calm. I guess you could say its a twist on meditation. A Psychologist/therapist could probably comment better on this, but what about a support animal I have heard that focusing on the support animal can be very calming .

Anyway that's all I got - good luck with it!

[kowalinpey in reply to mcfail]

I 100% agree with these relaxation tips. I tend to dissociate (in a pleasant way) when I'm reading or watching TV. If I become anxious with being inside and restless, I go for a run (even though I hate running, I've been training because it's been great for anger management and falling asleep easier) or I go foraging in the woods (great way to relax the body and get recharged by nature and get more in touch with the environment but practice sustainable and ethical foraging).

I got a cat RE: covid and he has made a HUGE impact on my feelings of loneliness and also ability to ground myself and ALSO helps me set my daily routine. He wakes me up if I sleep in too late so that I can feed him or let him go outside. Having a very chatty cat makes me feel really listened to and loved honestly. Also having to be responsible for another living thing can be really scary but if you believe you can handle it, it's the most amazing thing in the world! I don't plan on ever having children so I'm very happy to have a fur baby.

Also, he's not an official emotional support animal though he does function that way for me.

[TheDogLady023]

Simple answer to your first question is yes! There are many difficulties associated with ADHD and love. Due to our impulsive nature and many various aspects that come along with that.

To your second question, just be honest. Being ADHD is nothing to be ashamed of but important information to relay to your partner. With the difficulties that are associated with ADHD relationships it can be helpful for your partner to be educated as well. Start by telling them how you were dianosed and what your ADHD looks like for you. Good and bad!

To your third question, I dont have an answer for that unfortunately. lol. I struggle with that still to this day! I'd love to hear others response to that question!

Hope this has been helpful!

[GregorysMom]

I have been unable to form lasting relationships most of my life which I found out at 62 was from adhd. I have no advice on how to get around it. It's caused me to be overly cautious, scared, and reclusive and shy.

[kirmenmir]

pd. i’m not shy at all, on the contrary i talk to damn much hahaha

but my ex did fuck me up a lot.

[diagnosedat51]

Read ADHD in your Marriage by Orlov. Really explains a lot about how ADHD helps and hinders within ALL relationships.

Also look at the on line magazine ADDitude. They just did an article on ADHD and sleep.

[pippapeach]

Hi! I have ADHD and also research it - and because I've experienced it, I'm focusing on ADHD and social problems (mostly friendships, but looking a little into romantic stuff). It absolutely can impact relationships, but doesn't for everyone. Social stuff and ADHD is pretty under researched - we have lots of examples and evidence that ADHD can negatively affect our social lives, but not a whole lot of knowledge about why/how. There's a lot of potential reasons - increased emotionality, rejection sensitivity, poor listening/interrupting, etc. If it's something you're concerned about, and if you see a professional for your ADHD, I'd bring it up with them - you'd be surprised by what we can help with. It can even be tailored to your own experiences - I struggle with listening and interruption, and so learned coping skills for that part of my social life, but my sister struggled with super emotional reactions, and so she learned different skills to deal with social problems from that.

Based on all the literature I've read, and on the very very limited theories on how/why ADHD affects social problems, and on my own experiences, I can offer a few things to try if you want to counteract that.

- Work on increasing self awareness. It sounds like you're realizing that ADHD may affect your relationships - start taking a step back and looking at what happens in conversations or in relationships. Is a partner frustrated because they're being interrupted? Are you expressing what you want to communicate? Once you've figured out a little about what happens in relationship problems, you and your partner can work on adapting to one another

- Try to focus on the person you're talking to. I'm super guilty of being in conversation with my thoughts bouncing all over the place and talking more than the person I'm talking with. I've found that emphasizing listening to that person, asking them questions, and following up on those questions is super helpful. People like it when they get attention like that. It doesn't have to be super complex questions either - one of the best ones I use is asking about any pets. People loooove talking about their pets, and it's usually a good way to build on common experiences/interests. (I also have an emotional support cat, by the way).

- Don't be afraid of acknowledging when you're not on the ball. If ADHD is causing relationship strain, bring it up. Ask your partner/friend/family to research ADHD and tell them about your experiences. Give them resources (there's some good ones for family/friends!). You don't necessarily need to make a grand announcement of ADHD at every party or every conversation, but if you're noticing issues, think about bringing it up.

Hope this helps!