dismissive avoidant attachment

[Its18]

Does anyone have, felt or been told that they are a dismissive avoidant attachment? My non-adhd spouse having a feeling of loneliness for many years found an article ( pro.psychcentral.com/recove... that very closely resembles our relationship. When I read it I agreed. Wondering if anyone has had treatment or ideas? I know my loving, frustrated and angry wife does love me, but when told that I don’t care because I’m not doing the “work” to fix it almost reinforces negativity. I guess it’s been a challenge trying to fix something that automatic and unintentional. I know that regardless of my unintentional behavior it has been hurtful.

[Emerald-Eyes]

You could look up how that type can become more “Securely Attatched”. There’s YouTube videos on it to if you’d prefer to listen then read.

[GatsbyCat]

Hi, Its18

Yes, my sweetheart also tells me that I'm "distant" at times. I agree with emerald-eyes that you can change it so that your partner feels more loved.

A book that I've read and helped us is:

The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps by Melissa Orlov (on amazon)

and a 2nd one that has really helped me personally:

Taking Charge of Adult ADHD 1st Edition

by Russell A. Barkley PhD (Author)

I've also been consciously being more physically affectionate- a hug and kiss or pat.. Make a point of going to bed at same time (if your schedule allows) and tell your wife that you love her. Give her a kiss before sleep, and cuddle too. Those actions will help your partner feel more loved (if touch is her love language)

Surprise her with small gestures.. a wildflower you picked from outside.. a new bath bomb.. other small things that don't cost much, but tell her you love her.. It's hard to be married to us ADHD'ers, so do things to make it easier for her...

Hope these ideas help you out! Best wishes on this awesome journey of life..

Regards~

GatsbyCat

🦹‍♀️💀

[Crystalsphinx]

I have been told I don’t care also and it wreaks havoc on my relationships

[Emerald-Eyes]

Are you with drawn so she says that? What did you do before that got her to say yes to marriage?

[Its18 in reply to Emerald-Eyes]

Yes, to a degree I am. I generally dislike confrontation and don’t deal with thing I will ignore, move on and forget. I know that she hates that about me. So when she’s upset or bothered I will give her space to let things calm down, which drivers her nuts. I am generally able to step my “game” and be engaged for a little while and then I slowly back away unknowingly. So she feels tricked and manipulated.

[Emerald-Eyes]

There are some YouTube videos with Theis Gibson that may be helpful with your style and combos of hers and yours. She speaks at a good clip not dragging along.

I still ask, what helped her say yes to marriage. Doing some of those things still would be helpful for you both.

If withdrawing is not What she wants after, what does she need at the immediate to feel heard? What is her style.