Please drop your tricks.

[LunaBean]

Living with ADHD is so hard. I lost a few (fake) friends because of ADHD. Because I'm very moody and I can snap at something so minor, and because I have alot of energy, people always say that I'm loud and annoying. I have heard that phrase over and over, even though I've heard it hundreds of time, sometimes it's still painful.

Do you have any tricks to not be "loud" and "annoying"?

[Adultadhd]

Maybe be loud and proud of who you are. I noticed if I don't take care of myself very well (which is really easy to forget to do) I become snappy and a little "extra". We are who we are, if you take care of yourself well, I bet loud and annoying will turn too loud and proud. People that exude confidence attract others, but it has to be authentic confidence. I also make sure not to overstimulate myself with taking on too many tasks or doing too many things because I want to do all the things.

Hopefully this helps, but if it doesn't try something else.

[gphill56]

You don't mention whether you are on any medication that could be a contributing factor, or whether you have looked into any medications that may help alleviate this. I'm not disagreeing with "Adultadhd". I'm just offering an alternative consideration. Also, addressing the moodiness may help.

[LunaBean in reply to gphill56]

I am not on medication my parents doesn't let me take any and I am not considering to take any medication because I'm scared if i become dependent with the medication

[Zoe1964 in reply to LunaBean]

Tell your parents that if you had asthma would they stop you using an inhaler? Tell them that ADHD is harming you as much as that.

And remember that there are always people out there that will appreciate you for exactly who you are, and one day you will find them.

[gphill56 in reply to LunaBean]

I am VERY "dependent" on my blood pressure medication. I take it because it positively impacts my life. I also take generic Straterra (non-stimulant ADHD medication). I could almost certainly live without it, but my life is so much better since I started taking it. ADHD is a medical condition. Some medical conditions are effectively addressed with medication. If you had a heart condition, would you refuse to become "dependent" on medication for it?

I am NOT always in favor of medication, but it is sometimes an option that should be explored.

[Adultadhd in reply to LunaBean]

I was not diagnosed until I was 34. It is nice to build up coping skills without medication but once I got medication my life drastically changed for the better. My life is so so so much better, all the things that held me back from the person I am have been removed. I am dependent on the medication, but if I am honest I was born dependent on it. Part of your brain just is not engaging, so you make up for those functions with other parts of your brain. Using your brain this way takes a lot more energy and if you find a way to do it without medication it will take away from your ability to do other things. At least this is what I find in my experience.

[Neurolancer in reply to Adultadhd]

I just want to echo what above repliers have said re: add/adhd medication. Just as it’s normal to be “ dependent” on medications that correct for physical medical problems, it’s normal to rely on medication for neurological and psychiatric problems. I have thyroid and blood pressure problems and I thank my lucky stars that there are meds that actually work for these problems. Likewise I take meds for add/adhd, bipolar and depression and I am forever grateful that effective meds are available for these too.

We are NOT talking about addiction here — that’s a totally different behavior and no people do not become addicted to their add/adhd medications. Also, young people who take add/adhd meds are much less likely to abuse their meds or recreational drugs — fact — so that’s a worry you don’t need to have.

I suggest you read up on the SCIENCE of add/adhd — the neurochemistry — and how various medications deal with addressing our unfortunately imperfect wiring and shortages of certain neurochemicals. Once you understand the science, you can see that it’s almost cruel to deny someone the opportunity to feel more focused, less impulsive, calmer, etc. by taking the option of medication off of the table. Share your research with your parents so that they can be educated too.

Try books by Dr. Russell Barkley and Dr. Edward Hallowell (Amazon has their stuff): Science, compassion, wisdom, practical strategies, medications — I devoured their books because they gave me a window into myself and how to help myself.

Last thought. You’re talking about some impulsivity and maybe difficulty self-regulating your energy and some mood issue as well. All things I know well. My approach is: Meds, exercise (recommended by doctors as being key), getting enough sleep, creating structure for myself, and knowing that I’m smarter, more creative, more sensitive and many other good things because I have ADD.

Keep seeking answers! And good luck!

[Zoe1964]

In terms of tricks, sometimes I count a few seconds before I let myself respond to something.

When I'm in a conversation I actively let people finish, then wait for a pause. When they don't pause, just let them keep going.

A lot of conversations are just for the sake of connecting and what people say isn't really important and that's where to sit back and listen. I sometimes purse my lips shut just so I don't blurt out!

[Shirleytaps]

Hi LunaBean, I am sorry you are struggling with social issues. I have found it much easier to moderate myself when I interact one on one, rather than in a group, so practice with a willing and understanding friend.

All the advice you are getting is good. ADHD creates a lot of social highs and lows. Working with a therapist and using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is helping me peel away at my social failings. I also exercise and meditate with Headspace regularly. Make time for play, creativity, or something you enjoy.

Start small, with someone you trust. Use the three sentence rule (both of you), and try to respond to what the person just said, rather than a tangent. Normals don't think tangentially so if you regularly do that and it sounds like you might, try to remember what it was that they said that made you go off on a ramble; and make a point that relates. If it takes more than three sentences you've skipped too far ahead or away.

Fast Minds is a great book with some helpful advice and basic rules.

Also the irritability, piece should be something that we can all to learn to name, use Outsmarting Anger to learn how to name those feelings. Meditation helps me let them go. Most of all, be a friend to yourself, forgive yourself, because you are loud and you are fun and there is something to be said for that as well. Soul crushers need not apply as my friends. Take care.