DONT STOP TRYING

[Lovinit]

When you stopped trying, you’re dead

[cjnolet]

If we never had struggle, we'd never have a reason to persevere.

Success is relative- if we never failed and everyone only succeeded then would it really be regarded as success? You need night to consider day and you need dark to consider light. Without one, the other couldn't be appreciated.

Even the "most successful" of people need to try new things and re-invent themselves as stronger, more well-rounded human beings. You are totally right- staying stagnant and giving up on yourself isn't really living.

By success, I'm not even referring to money, big houses, or careers. Remember, humans are primates and as long as we have food, water, shelter, and people to love we should be content at the very least.

Society has really become quite the beast. Society feeds us bullshit rules. From the time we are born, society tries to force its "norms" on us, sprinkling on top a sweet sugary frosting by fooling us into wanting what others have and giving us the perception that if we play by those rules- if we "work hard" and we "listen to the bosses" and we "follow along" then we will be "successful". It really takes a toll on us because, similar to the phenomenon we see in social media, it makes it close to impossible for us to discern between these bullshit rules and only those which are handed to us by Mother Earth.

The reality is up to you, up to us, to define and that's the truth. The irony is that when you define yourself under "society's" rules, you will continue in the trap and may never feel that you've gained real control over your own existence. Brene Brown, Miguel Ruiz, Vishen Lakhiani, Seth Godin, even Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, and as far back as DaVinci & Gallileo all share the same story- they realized early on that society is nothing but a set of bullshit rules, that nobody else in society is any smarter than you are not any more capable or any more "lucky". Luck is funny because people who believe in society's bullshit rules seem to think it's the reason why some people repeat and re-define "success" time and time again. It's not luck, it's the way they've defined their reality- they understand the indoctrination of society into the "land of bullshit rules" and they've decided to rebel.

Instead of thinking about "society" has fed you to define what success means, think about what it means to you- what does the perseverance look like? Does it REALLY matter what people think of you? Does it REALLY matter if you have trouble paying the bills? Or that Mom or Dad thought you'd have a better job or higher income at your age? Is success really helping your 95 year old next door neighbor cook her meals? Is it really just living each day knowing that you are alive and focusing on your health? What is it???

You don't need to live in land defining yourself by everyone else's dictionary. When people don't understand this, they get scared because they, themselves, can't fathom having that type of control over their reality. It's their fear that's driving them, not your "mistakes". I don't know about you, but my visions of the way the world works are drastically different from most people around me and I've found that the only way I'm going to be able to make those visions come to life is to trust in my own interpretation of reality and let others grow their own pace. I forgive and forget

[Lovinit in reply to cjnolet]

I love how well read you are and I like reading what you write, some of your posts moved me.

There is so much I don’t know but would like to know. I wish to have a better understanding of myself and what my beliefs are. My parents, successful entrepreneur, my brother also successful entrepreneur. Neither went to college. They’re doing what they always loved doing since they were a kid and they make good money. I wanted that too since I was a little kid but I never found anything that I was really good at and that I would be able to make a living doing. I look up to them and I’m jealous I didn’t make it like them. I’ve always struggled, I became what I never wanted to become, what society would say a loser. Failing at everything not understanding why. Deep down I didn’t think I was stupid but I couldn’t do school and my parents didn’t have much hope in me. I never wanted to accept this was my reality but obviously couldn’t win. I was brought up with a father who provided us a good life and I wanted to follow in his footsteps. I wanted to to do just as well as him and I wanted to be able to care for them when they could no longer work. I wanted to provide for them so they can live out the rest of their lives in their home and never have to give up the luxuries they have now.

Self acceptance, that is where I’m beginning to be at right now. I believe all the emotional pain I suffered and am suffering all the struggles, I don’t think that is who I am and I don’t think i should focus anymore on trying to get rid of those feelings because those are feelings I experienced and experience but I don’t want to think that those feelings are who I am. If I do I will always suffer. Idk if I’m making any sense, I’m sorry. What are you thinking? I’d like you to be blunt and honest please.

[cjnolet in reply to Lovinit]

Self-acceptance and confidence. About a week ago, I read a post from Jack Canfield about self-confidence. It's more important than we think it is. When you have the confidence and courage to know when you are able; and more importantly for some, when you are not able, you will start thriving.

The problem is that it's easy to let our negative thoughts consume our reality and then we begin to live out those negative thoughts inadvertently because that's the model of reality that we're choosing to implement. See the pattern here? Your thoughts create your reality and your reality reinforces your thoughts- the vicious cycle will only change when you make the conscious effort to change it.

I've noticed there are a few reasons this cycle seems to start (this might seem subjective but conversations I've had with therapists, coaches, and peers tell me it's not):

1. You are afraid about something that might occur in your future because of the memories and emotions you've attached to it from your past, less experienced, self. Often just recognizing this is enough to start the process of overcoming it. I'm 34 and I still imagine shitty kids from grade school being nasty and irrational to me when I speak publicly for work. I'm slowly overcoming this.

2. You are consistently telling yourself you want to change/be different and you are looking too far forward into what it is you *think* will make you happy at some point into the future, rather than maximizing your happiness in the now.

3. You are putting the opinions and thoughts of others too far above your own values and opinions and giving others too much credit for those opinions and thoughts. It's nice to learn from the knowledge and experience of others but when we become people pleasers, there is evidence of a lack of self-confidence.

4. You are focusing too much on what you *think* you should or can't do rather than reminding yourself of what you are truly capable of, This goes as deep as also reminding yourself that the only reason you can't do something right this instant is that you lack the experience and should learn more about it instead of condemning yourself.

5. You have too much toxicity in your life- brought upon by both artificial relationships (social media) as well as real-life relationships. I stopped caring about news, I deleted my Facebook account, and there are individuals I realized I cannot have in my life in order to be content with myself- my abusive older half-sister was one of them and she's no longer in my life. I need to work on me and at some point, I hope she learns to work on her.

6. You are not focusing enough on the solution and rather spend your time focusing on the problem, perhaps ruminating on it rather than focusing on solutions.

Who says you could never do school? Sounds like you didn't have good support and tools available to you. I'm not saying that you need to get angry with your parents, either. Forgive them and move on. Don't get jealous of others, get hungry and use that hunger to drive you further on your journey (again, without struggle we'd never appreciate perseverance).

Who says you are condemned or are a loser? Other people? Fuck em. If others have their opinions, you are entitled to yours and if they don't appreciate your opinions, they don't appreciate you. They don't need to agree, but if they are constantly shaming you for them then maybe they aren't deserving enough to be in your life.

Think high and aim higher. Take things one step at a time. it sounds like you are working hard to get to know yourself. Stay on your path- don't focus on these false impressions that you are worthless because, in terms of our mortality, we are all the same. Do you know how many people spent their lives being perceived a failure "marching to their own tune" only to die and years later be recognized as one of the most influential figures of their time? Did you know a lot of these people were different than their peers? They lived different lives, they had their own ways of visualizing reality. You CANNOT change the world doing what everyone else is doing!

I will leave off with a quote from another figure that was considered a failure during his time, Henry David Thoreau. As it turns out, he was really one of the first practitioners of Mindfulness in the United States.

“In the long run men only hit what they aim at. Therefore, though they should fail immediately, they had better aim at something high.”

Your original post here really sparked my attention because there are so many people in this world that never learn how to overcome the vicious cycle of negative thoughts and thus they die of old age never figuring out how to live. It's unfortunate.