Honestly I've been very depressed (even on the edge of crying) the past couple of days. And it mostly has to due with my life reflection and college life. As far as college goes, it hasn't been too bad as far as progress or results go, not at all, it's just I've lost almost all interest in a major i'm wanting to do something else and my inferiority complex has risen up because I only have 2 years left only to realize I want a different course of action. And because I feel I'm being in a shadow I shouldn't be in because of these limitations. It's so upsetting every time when the most basic of life tasks are hard to understand due to you not having any experience with it, made all the worse that it's more limiting learning with ADHD. I just feel like the rest of my life will just be wondering what to do and be in the same blank position I'm in. And I have a bit of a habit of thinking too far into things, but thinking so far with the issues I've been dealing scares me and makes me sad. I'm still only 24 years old, and I don't want to go into my 30's or late 20's still addressing these issues. I'd just wish i's realized these while I was still in High School.
I also keep debating on weather or not it's a bad thing to want a normal life or to want to do things people with non disabilities can do easily or very basic. Is it really a selfish thing? There are so many things I'd love to experience or explore, but can't really do.
One of the most frustrating things is when you have a task or specific goal you want to focus on, and have it be something you wanna do, only to just waste the time and days and it continues into a constant cycle. Even having trouble sleeping because you feel using those sleepless hours to do it makes it less wasteful. I find this more difficult when it comes to reading material. It's also harder online to focus on specific tasks simply because the internet itself is a distraction, yet that's where I do most of my work and resources. This is something I've had to fight often lately.
I want to know, social interactions can be one of the worst things to deal with as someone of ADHD. As it limits a lot of social prowess anyone could easily have, so I have a hard time making or keeping friends consistently because I feel more detached from them and their views are one thing, while mine is another. But it's mostly because some people don't understand. It also feels like I'm constantly left out or just not as included as most people, not really out of hate, but rather disconnection, even in groups where I do fit in occasionally. And it feels as if you're alone or can;t contribute much because of limited experience or interaction. Why is that really? Why does it often feel like you don't exist or feel distance because of it?
This also ties into trying to adapt into social interactions. You can completely know or understand something clearly, but act as if you never knew or act as if what was said made no sense or you come off as clueless as to what's happen, why does this happen a lot? I'm asking for as a question of curiousity then anything.
Is it common for ADHD patience to suffer anxiety and feel less that others in the same regard? Or does the situation of it seem to vary? Anybody know any good resources to learn more about ADHD stuff or any sort of Psychology?
Newly diagnosed, scared, need encouragement
Struggling to keep a positive regard for myself
Adults with ADHD - asking for help to understand
Will Adderall help me?
