ADHD almost ruined me completing the "Sign Up" for HealthUnlocked.

[randyj302]

Hi, it's taking everything from me to just make a random post b/c of the significant impact my ADHD has on me. I want to write on and on about my troubles; however, I will just start with Hi. I have a lot of trouble accomplishing some things daily. I have ways to loosen ADHD's hold on me. I've been able to accomplish some things that I am proud of. However, I have a really hard time staying consistent. Thank you for any positive feedback. I hope to find some support through this network.

[Eryn2014]

I know exactly how you feel, I have struggled with adhd my whole life! My parents didn't think adhd was real even after my final diagnosis. They thought I could control it and that I was making the choice to be be lazy or forgetful or any of the many flaws that adhd creates. I have never taken medicine for it and I am now a mom with a 1 year old. I try as hard as humanly possible to be the best mom, unfortunately after having him my symptoms skyrocketed, and no matter what I do I constantly feel like a failure. Ive been trying to find a doctor recently to finally get treatement but as you know follow through is not easy for us and it has been a huge challenge to find one and I still remain unmedicated and struggling so much. I'm here if you ever need to talk. I can completely relate. Seems like you have a much better grasp on it then I do. Lol

[cjnolet]

Mark Twain was believed to be another ADHDer. Just sayin...

[Cmiceli]

I think attitude is a major component in all of this. I was diagnosed about 2 years ago and I find it hilarious that I have been able to correctly and successfully diagnose a couple people close to me and get them to get help and never saw it in myself. Lol. I’m 48.

I think there’s an unofficial “Stages of ADHD” and initially there is kind of a relief in diagnosis because you realize you aren’t crazy/lazy/stupid/scatterbrained or whatever your personal pejorative adjective is, you realize there’s an EXPLANATION for all of this! Woot!

Then as you learn more it can be crushing to realize that there isn’t a cure. I think a lot of very good people get stuck right here in this part and don’t move forward.

For me, moving forward took an attitude adjustment, reframing and listening to the advice I gave others. For starters, I was diagnosed at 46... but it isn’t like I blew out the candles on my cake and blammo! ADHD just came up and took over my body. I was the same person I was the day before I was diagnosed. I just had a name for it now.

Then I engaged in an exercise that I’ve found extremely helpful in getting me through my biggest life challenges. I began to list what I have accomplished. That was a pretty long list!!! It included going back to school in my 40s and getting my BA and MSA during the most difficult and challenging time in my life. Honestly, if I wrote a screenplay of my life, the Lifetime channel would reject it as being “too unbelievable, even for us”. LOL

95% of what I accomplished I performed while being undiagnosed. That’s a pretty big deal and what it says is that ADHD might have been a challenge, but it certainly wasn’t stopping me.

I’ve tried medication. I don’t do well on it. Fortunately medication is only part of the equation. It’s the cognitive behavioral changes that really make the bigger differences and it seems I stumbled (or was blessed) to figure a lot of those out on my own. Coping with ADHD, before I knew it was ADHD, made me a compulsive list maker. Had me organized no myself visually with color coded folders and labels. Taught me to establish places and zones for things so I didn’t lose them 100 times a day. Gave me a little bit of OCD about checking and rechecking a list (like running through my check list before I leave home in the same order every time “front door locked, back door locked, keys, badge, phone, lunch...”) I would obsessively research “Tips and Tricks for those suffering from ADHD” and realize I was already doing more than half the stuff.

I think too, you have to commit and sometimes give in. If you loose too much time to kicking back and playing games on your phone, delete the apps. If you just reload them, then maybe it’s time to downgrade your phone to a “dumb phone” that only makes calls and received texts. If you can’t control yourself, control your environment. I have a complete weakness for potato chips and if they are in my home, I eat them. So guess what I don’t buy at the grocery store? It’s kind of the same philosophy. You have to be willing to “stand up to yourself” and make the hard decisions.

At the same time, you also have to be kind to yourself. Challenge that inner voice that tells you that you are dumb/lazy/careless. Just as you establish boundaries for your hyper focus and “brain candy”, you also have to challenge and change that inner dialog. My answer to “why can’t I do this?” changed from “because you’re stupid and unfocused” to “because you haven’t learned-so let’s figure it out”.

I learned to set small achievable goals that created a path to a larger goal. Getting through the week having done laundry at least every three days so I didn’t have to climb “laundry mountain” every weekend. Yes, I had to set multiple timers and alerts but who cares? I got there. Making my bed every morning lead to keeping my room clean. I spent the first 35 years with my room being a disaster with occasional bouts of cleanliness that never lasted longer than a day. Now it’s almost always clean and never more than 10 minutes away from being so. Major accomplishment. This spilled over into the rest of my house and while we aren’t always spic and span, I’m never more than about 15 minutes away from being totally comfortable to inviting anyone in.

These things didn’t happen overnight. They took a while. But I figured “what do I have to lose? The place is already a mess. Nothing else has worked. Let’s try babystepping into this” and so I did.

Try to be a person who happens to have ADHD. Not ADHD with a person attached to it. I’m reminded of a joke I heard a long time ago that still makes me smile. I’m a mom through adoption so it’s close to my heart. Little Bobby was in the backseat and piped up “am I adopted?” His parents had been dreading the question and talking with him about it but had committed to telling him the truth so they responded “yes,” and as they looked in their rear view mirror, their hearts sank, seeing the disappointment wash over him. With a deeply resigned sigh he said “oh darn....I wanted to be a firefighter”. Of course the point of this is Bobby didn’t realize being adopted wasn’t his full time job. If ADHD “has” you, then it’s a full time job, but if you have ADHD, you can see that this is just one aspect of you and it need not be your full time occupation. I’m not saying it doesn’t present challenges, it does. But you likely have been successfully navigating many of those challenges your entire life. What you need to do is translate those skills that made you successful into the other areas of your life so you can be even more successful.

I’ve pretty much written a novella here. But I think it’s important to bring it into perspective. I tell myself all the time, I know many people who have successfully navigated far greater challenges in their lives than this. I have ADHD. The only thing it really means is I process information differently than “typical” people do. It is not a character flaw and while it might be a challenge, it certainly isn’t insurmountable.

Good luck!!!

[Finoo in reply to Cmiceli]

Thank you ... I have a son with ADD ... and I can see a lot of what is happening with him, in your story ..., I just don’t know how to help him. He is on medication.,, but has let his ADD take over and is not finished his undergrad... he is the smartest person I know..,feel helpless

[Cmiceli in reply to Finoo]

Please don't think I am being dismissive or trying to make it sound easy because I know all too well it is not. It's just so easy to allow this 'thing't to be a huge sweeping tidal wave which engulfs you and sets you adrift. My partner has ADHD and his is so much worse than my own... or at least that is how it seems. I often wonder (as does he) is it worse? Or have I simply developed a lot more coping skills than he has? I see him getting mired down in it all quite a bit and I work with him to coach him out of it.

For him, I think his biggest problem is he falls in the trap of what I call "I Shouldn't Have To..." If I had a nickle for every time he says "I shouldn't have to... write everything down, set an alarm, set a reminder, put this on my calendar, leave myself a note, get up and do this right this minute, plan this out, set a timer... blah, blah blah." My response to him is "why are you so special? Neuro typical people (non ADHD-ers) have to write to do lists, set timers and set up alarms - why shouldn't you?" He falls into the trap of believing that for whatever reason, he has this deficiency that doesn't allow him to remember things or intuitively organize himself and so having to write it down or set a reminder is this horrible shameful thing.

Here's where the attitude comes into play and where I am working on coaching him. When he started in on his "I shouldn't have to set a reminder-" I stopped him right in the middle of it and said "ok - here is a perfect example of the difference between you and me. You see this as some terrible thing. I look at this with the attitude of 'Could I be any luckier? In order to overcome this and make sure I perform this task, I need to set an alarm for myself and wouldn't you know it - I had the good sense to be born in the cellular age and can actually carry around a tiny computer--my phone--which has infinite capabilities for me to set-up these alarms, reminders and electronic to do lists. Could I be any more fortunate??" I mean really, I don't have to chisel this into a rock or slit my vein and write it in blood. I type it in my phone and poof! It alerts me!

See - attitude, it's half the battle.

[Finoo]

Hang in there!

[cjnolet]

If I might be honest for a moment.

Fuck the stigma.

Give it a few weeks to a month and I’m sure you’ll see what I mean. ADHD has been a superpower to me. Yeah so it comes with some downsides, so get a coach and work on those.

I’ve personally spent far too long being hard on myself and I’m finding quickly that I’m a pretty badass dude, mostly because of my ADHD. It’s much easier to accept yourself when you know the symptoms are related to the way your brain is wired. Impulsive? Inattentive? Hyperactive? Deficit? Disorder? The shit needs a new name, like “focused flexible energy syndrome” People won’t understand me when I talk to them about it and that’s totallly cool with me.

[ZoeyHarper in reply to cjnolet]

Couldn't agree more. My husband may have ADHD, but years before knowing that, he started and ran a global business and flew higher than many neurotypical brains could ever hope to do.

[Lovinit]

When I first wrote on this site, I never done anything like it before, I was very quiet and in the closet about my ADHD. When I shared others respond and showed me support when I needed it the most and I try to support others as well and that feels good too.