Managing your ADHD and your children.

[Sierra4018]

Managing your ADHD and your children.

Do anyone have children with ADHD plus yourself? It can be overwhelming trying to keep up on everything as a parent let alone trying to keep yourself together. Any suggestions?

[AshleyDHD]

I just posted about this very same thing a few minutes ago!

[Cmiceli]

My youngest has problems with anxiety, OCD and mood. My partner is hardcore ADHD, almost a textbook extreme case. And I have it. And I swear, one of our dogs has it. Lol. Probably more than one.

I am a firm believer that this is simply data and is an explanation on how we process the world. What I also firmly believe is that it is NOT an excuse.

I try to look for the good in all things and having this gives me understanding and empathy for my daughter and my partner that I might not otherwise have.

I have far more managing and coping skills than my partner so he certainly does not get a pass because of having ADHD, especially because I have it too! But I try to show him by example -as I do with my kids - and live very transparently with my management skills. I set multiple timers and alarms right in front of all of them and say “I need to set this alarm to keep me on track”. They see me manage a to do list. I set up our electronic family calendar and when they tell me of an upcoming event I ask “have you put that on the calendar yet? I need that so I don’t forget.” They know all about my “get it done before bed because I don’t have the bandwidth to deal with it in the morning” mantra. I actively seek out the assistance of my partner to help me plan out my leave the house times and travel times because that’s a particular weak spot for me. I am very up front about it and own it and as my partner is really good about being on time, this is a place where he can help me.

Manage this in full view and in front of your family. Find something your kids are good at and ask them to help you in that arena. Establish a strong home routine-start small and build it- so you teach your kids the power of routine and habit.

[Sierra4018 in reply to Cmiceli]

I like that! Im going to work on doing these great tips. I will like to work on getting my papers organize i have paper everywhere if i can get that down pack then everything else will fall in place. Thanks!

[Cmiceli]

That's great! Don't forget to be kind and patient with yourself. Rome wasn't built in a day, nor did it fall in one. It will take time - start small with a few things and as those habits become ingrained, add to them.

I probably looked a bit like a lunatic as I did this when my kids were younger because I would "self talk" my way through all of this in a positive fashion. At that time, we were going through a lot as a family and unfortunately there had been a lot of modeling of some less then desirable behaviors, both on my part and on the part of their dad. I tried to make the best of that and figured, since we were pretty much starting from the ground up, then go ahead and start from the ground up in the coaching as well, both with myself and them. So I would speak to it out loud, things like "Time to put my phone away and get working on my chores!" - cheerfully and not in a sullen tone. LOL It was important for me to show them that chores were simply the work we did to keep our home nice and that we ALL performed them, not just the kids. When i was done, I would say things like "This is nice - I feel better about the laundry being put away because so it is so much easier to find my clothes" or " This is great that the dishes are done, now if someone comes over this looks neat and i can feel proud of our home". Like I said, i probably sounded like Mr. Rodgers or something as I talked my way through this, but it helped to change the tone (both mine, and theirs).

When they were young, I used to set a timer on the stove or the microwave and call it a "five minute dash!" and we would try to beat the timer in getting things cleaned up and put away. We might rush around the family room, folding blankets, resetting the pillows on the couch, quick feather dusting, throwing away any garbage and taking drinking glasses and dishes to the kitchen. I would mark on the wipe off board on the fridge how many times we could beat the timer. Then if we beat the timer 3 times we would have a little treat. Sometimes it would be a five minute dash and sometimes it would be 10 or 15 minutes. and in this way I would get a solid 20-25 minutes of chores out of the three of us (because I was right there with them) and in 5, 10 and 15 minutes at a time we got our "house in order" so to speak.

I mentioned in another thread I am simply NOT a morning person. I don't even bother to fight that, I simply gracefully accept this part of me and I try to do the absolute bare minimum in the morning. This means I don't sign permission slips, report cards, write checks etc in the morning. This all happens at night, when I have lots more time and my head is in straight. My kids are in their late teens now but when they were younger, I had a nightly alarm set on my phone for "Paperwork signed?" This was my cue to ask the kids if they had anything that needed my attention in their backpacks. If they forgot or just flat out didn't do it, it did not get dome until the next night. I try to get my lunch made at night so I just need to pop it in my lunch bag - when it is cold out, I often pack it in my little cooler and just leave it in my car! It will stay cold so what's the problem?

Anyway, I could go on for days! LOL I think you will find once you get started that as you go on, it will become easier. My kids even came up with some good ideas which we implemented. It was good for them to see me having a problem, being open about it and openly solving it right in front of them. It helped them see that not just kids make mistakes and that we all struggle from time to time. By enlisting them in helping to resolve this, they also saw there is no shame in asking for help and that is the message I really wanted them to get.