My ADHD battle

Hi everyone,

I am 23 years old, female and was diagnosed with ADHD about one year ago by my family doctor.

I personally sought out a diagnosis after several years of severe depression, anxiety and dropping out of college twice (and a slew of other symptomes which caused unsurmountable shame and withdrawal).

I became convinced that I was suffering from ADHD.

I was relieved to have put a name to all the inexplicable feelings I had but now, a year later, I am faced with the truth that knowing I have this disorder does not change my behaviour.

I am presently in a four year relationship and my partner has been dealing with my emotional outbursts since day one.

He is so patient but I can only imagine the loneliness and frustration he feels through my unpredictable mood fluctuations, my failure to make our relationship a priority in my life and my general lack of enthusiasm toward life.

Now that I write this out, I suppose that is my main worry at the moment.

I am torn between trying to "get better" and being an equal partner in our relationship.

I have an impossible time expressing my feelings to him and this creates distance and misunderstanding.

Every time I think I've got it right, I slip up and am back to square one.

He knows that I try but trying doesn't mean anything without results and that prospect scares me.

I feel I've gotten off track but if anyone can relate to what I've tried to explain, I would absolutely love to hear from you.

I feel like all of this is due to my intense carachter flaws and I desperately need perspective.

I find it incredibly difficult to accept my ADHD without feeling completely helpless.

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