Out of options.

My 9 year old has ADHA. He's been diagnosed with it since the age of 6..I've asked my ex-wife to seek counseling for him before choosing the meds as a last resort. "Oh I know, totally for sure!" She said.

But she still went for the meds. Pissed me the hell off when she totally went over my head and ignored everything I suggested to her for the sake of my little guys health & wellbeing. I was totally blindsided by this. When I confronted her about it, she said the most lamest lie I've ever heard; "Um what are you talking about? You & I agreed to this!" When I never did. Boy did I really wished that she was a dude in that moment cause I REALLY wanted to lay her out for making up BS like that. But I would never.

I also have A.D.D. and I'm not taking anything for it. No meds what so ever.

=/

I never had any money cause I haven't been able to hold on to a job long enough and no insurance. All of this is as a result of my condition. I forget things quite quickly, my focus is not as good as it was years ago and I get so easily sidetracked.

But for my ex wife telling me that we talked about and coming to an agreement regarding my son getting on medication for his condition is total BS. That I would remember.

I need some advice for myself on how to get through this.

Anyone?....anyone?...Bueller?......Bueller?.........

:/

3 Replies

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  • Hi J,

    Couple things I am hearing in your post.

    Your ex did something you asked her not to concerning your kid. This is very difficult. Anger is natural. If you want to get your voice heard in the decision try these:

    a. ask your kid and ex - is med helping? how is it helping?

    b. medication may not be where you wanted to go, it can really help kids and adults struggling. side effects esp in kids still need to be watched.

    Since $ and insurance are a problem, you will have to make up for that with persistence. My brother who lives in California has low-cost housing 8 and sees a counselor and psychiatrist for no cost/sliding scale. You have to fight for your rights and resources but there are some out there. It took over a year to get things settled but it's a different life when you do get things settled.

    This link has lots of options: mentalhealthamerica.net/fin...

    (maybe too many - so be careful not to get overwhelmed)

  • Hi- First of all, finding out your child has ADD/ADHD is an extremely difficult thing to process. My husband & I were devastated when my son was diagnosed at 9 (summer between 4th/5th grade). His teacher referred him to be evaluated because she said he was not engaged 100% of the time. He was diagnosed with ADD, no hyperactivity.

    We were terrified to give him drugs, but decided to try them end of summer & see if any benefits before he started 5th grade. 1st day he was on Adderall he picked up a child's electric set that had been in his room untouched for months & started working on it. His focus on the kit blew us away.

    He started 5th grade with the same teacher & as a "blind study" we decided to let him start school taking Adderall without telling her. She did not yet know the diagnosis.

    I saw her a week after school started and she said, "I don't know what you did with him over the summer, but he is so much better & more engaged with what is going on."

    He is now 22 & just graduated from college. He has taken Adderall fairly consistently with few side effects. The biggest side effect was lack of appetite which can affect growth early on. When he was young, we used to take him off during summer & let him go drug free for a few months. As he got older & had more going on, even summer sports- he took it year round.

    Taking Adderall or similar has not been a perfect solution. He did not turn into an A student automatically, and did much better in school subjects that he liked / had apptitude for throughout high school & college. The surprising thing for me was that it helped him with all sorts of things like playing baseball & football, things he really wanted to do, relationships, etc.

    Having ADD/lack of focus affects school, sports, friendships, parent & teacher relationships, etc. Not having focus in those things makes kids miss things & they lose self esteem. At a young age they don't understand why they're different, but they know they are different.

    In hind sight, I wish I had explored more ways to help my son with his attention problems, especially as he got older & school, etc became more complicated. I think the Adderall made such a huge difference that we thought things were fine. Considering his success in school & sports, things did turn out fine, but I keep wondering if Adderall + behavioral therapy would have been even better.

    btw, about 8 months after my son's diagnosis, I got tested and found I have ADD. Growing up I made it through school, graduated from college & worked, but I think I always struggled underneath with feeling like I couldn't quite keep all the balls in the air & struggled with self esteem problems.

    Bottom line-- try to become involved with your son's progress (assuming you are co-parenting) talk to his doctor directly, ask questions. Observe him without meds & with meds. Talk to your son & see what he thinks about taking meds (can he tell the difference?) Find out what other type of therapy might help (with the meds). And- consider looking into therapy or even taking meds yourself. If you are struggling, it is difficult to evaluate/help others. Putting your child on meds is not what any parent wants, but in my experience it made a huge difference in my son's success.

    sorry so long- but wanted to share my experience

  • from same person who replied 2nd-

    One other thing to research/think about. From what I've read & experienced for myself, kids who have ADD/ADHD and are not treated in anyway (I grew up undiagnosed) is that many self-medicate. I did. I knew somehow that I was struggling, but had no idea why. My self- esteem was compromised & together with my best friend who had serious family issues I didn't even know about at the time, we started smoking marijuana, etc.

    I didn't realize it then, but I believe we did this to escape / self medicate.

    Can't predict what your son will do over the next 10+ years, but something to think about.

    My son who was diagnosed age 9 & was treated never even drank beer until he was about 19-20.