Hello,
My 10 year old son is diagnosed with ADHD. Lately we have been having issues with emotions. He never wants to share his thoughts. In order to glean anything I have to really push for it. He basically doesn't seem like my happy boy lately. Has anyone experienced this with your children? I just want to help him. I feel so lost and like i'm failing him lately.
Hello Mom671,I'm sorry you feel like that. Many of us have been there.
A couple thoughts:
Do you think something has changed like maybe a friend did or said something, or someone is not being nice to him?
Or did medication change? Or a pet passing, friend moving away, didn't make a tram, any bigger transition type event?
With my son I had to ask every which way to get anywhere. I would present all the ideas I could think of and usually landed near or on topic and could get more info from there.
I also try to present all the options as impartially as possible, i.e. Did something happen at school that didn't feel good, or did you do or say something you're not proud of, or did you see something that bothered you?
When you group it like that, you aren't saying any one one of them is better or worse.
And start each conversation with: I love you, I want to help, there's nothing you could have done that would ever change that type messages.
Give them permission to tell you where you're wrong.
Tell me where I'm wrong, I'm sensing something happened between you and Jeff and you are upset about it. What am I missing? What did I get wrong?
Kids love to tell you where you are wrong and will open up when given that opportunity.
I hope some of that helps or spurs some thoughts.
Hang in there, you are doing your best, we are here to support you.
BLC89
Thank you so much for your response! I will definitely try these strategies because at this point I just want to help him be happy. He did finally express 'having anxiety about a friend....There's nothing wrong (the friend is acting normal) it's just his fear of losing the friend that has been overwhelming him lately. Thank you again!
You're so welcome! Another aspect of ADHD is Rejection Sensitivity Dysmorphia (RSD) where the ADHDer interprets actions or remarks, even kind remarks, as having a darker meaning.So his logic may not make sense when he explains how he feeling and why. If you tell you understand then ask "Can you think of another way that could be interpreted?" Or "here's how I would interpret.. " that can strengthen the muscle to look at differently.
Yay! So glad he opened up
I will try this as well thank you again so truly much! I wanted to ask (if its not relevant no worries) but did you notice ADHD symptoms and emotional difficulties at around this age? I'm thinking maybe pre-adolescence could be a factor as it's such a huge change. I'm terrified as I read individuals with ADHD are 10X more likely to develop depression. I scheduled an appointment with a psychologist that specializes in ADHD so hopefully they can support him and me.
Depression and Anxiety are higher in ADHD but sometimes those really high numbers refer to UNdiagnosed folks.When you know you are wired differently it helps a lot. So, as best you can, make the different thinking just part of life. You come up with certain solutions while your son will think up something completely different, and that's great.
Preteen to teen is tumultuous regardless, when you throw ADHD in there it can make for an added layer.
If you choose to use medication keep in mind how much they are changing and how that may impact dosage and other aspects of the meds.
You know your kid best, stand your ground if something doesn't sound like a good fit or doesnt sound right, your probably right.
And if the doctor says, "oh that's just what boys do" or "I wouldn't worry about that" ask them to make a specific note in the file that they are choosing not to address something you brought up - they will make a note and they will address it right then with options or concrete information.
You've got this! Your son is lucky to have such a curious and supportive mom
Anyone feel lost on how to help child? 14 year old with ADHD and OCD. Anger issues and inability to "talk him down" when he gets angry. 
Will I ever get my son back?
Depressed
ADHD, lost, scared, life seems to be repeating itself
