Issues with boundaries

[Mamoa53]

My 7 yr old son has combined ADHD and high impulsivity and other behaviours. We are having big problems at school with him using ‘hands on’. He has trouble respecting other people’s boundaries and doesn’t seem to understand his impact on others (even though we talk to him about this).

Even when he is loving his brother, it is a squeezing hug and jumping on top of him. He doesn’t care whether his brother wants a hug or not. Has anyone else experienced this? Did anything help you address it?

Thanks.

[Imakecutebabies]

Have you had him evaluated by an occupational therapist? My son turned out to also have sensory processing disorder, specifically a need for more sensory input into his joints than most people, leading him to always be jumping on people, squeezing people, etc on top of the impulsivity of grabbing things/people. OT recommend for us and the school to give him regular "deep tissue" input by carrying heavy things, moving furniture, etc. At home I also find that back massages help him settle a bit.

That being said, my son still has no concept of boundaries.

[Shamasamdrew in reply to Imakecutebabies]

I was also going to recommend an OT evaluation. The behaviors you are describing sounds like he is sensory seeking. It would be great to get an OT on board to come up with suggestions to get the input that he needs in a more appropriate way. If you are in the public schools, you can ask for an evaluation such as this.

[Mamoa53 in reply to Shamasamdrew]

Thanks both. He has actually just had an OT assessment and we are waiting for the report. I hadn’t really thought of it as a sensory issue, but that sorts of makes sense, alongside the impulsive urge to grab etc. I will mention this to the OT as I’m not sure I really bought it up during our discussion.

Great idea to explore ‘deep tissue’ input and back massages. He often asks me for a back scratch.

[Icare67 in reply to Mamoa53]

So thankful you considered an OT assessment. Hoping you will receive the help you and your son need. Courage to you!

[MatureMomma]

Hi there. Yes; 10 year old daughter has combined type ADHD and is very rough with me and her friends, and has difficulty hearing/responding to requests to stop—even though she reacts very strongly if others do the same type of thing to her. Sadly, I have few answers or suggestions for you…I would have thought she’d start “getting it” by now.

I believe that OT can help some for sensory issues, but the impulse control and ability to truly understand and respond to others is still lacking. We recently came up with a code word that either of us could say when overwhelmed and needing a 2 minute break. Tonight when she was wanting warmth and affection and was all over me physically and completely ignoring my requests to stop (I was emotionally flooded/overwhelmed by that time, as I didn’t like how she was touching me), I said the code word and the went down to the basement to work on the laundry, telling her “I need a break”. By the time I came back upstairs, she had placed an “I’m sorry” note on the door, and we repaired. Thankfully, I remembered the code word—which she understood, so I could reregulate.

Good luck!

[Mamoa53 in reply to MatureMomma]

Thanks for your response. It is helpful to know we are not the only ones struggling with these issues. Although disheartening to hear they don’t quickly learn or grow out of it 😕 I sometimes catastrophise what this could mean in the future.

We can also get overwhelmed by the behaviours towards ourselves and his brother. I am not sure if my son is old enough for a ‘code word’ but it sounds like a great strategy so I am willing to give it a try.

It sounds like that was a good circuit breaker for you, and a nice way to repair. Thanks for sharing.

[MatureMomma]

You’re welcome. Sending prayers and good thoughts!