She definitely has ADHD and I’m at a lost! 😩

[CoolJ2024]

My boyfriends daughter, 10, I believe has ADHD based on the behaviors I have witness and discussed with him but he refuses to get her help. We live together and she has been a challenge to say the least. From lying all the time, always bored, ignores instructions, constantly into something, lack of focus in school, defiant with learning, knowing she’s wrong but refuses to be accountable for any of her actions, won’t go to bed at bed time and now she’s starting to do things that are completely beyond my comprehension. She’s peeing in the tub but not when showering or taking off her clothes and peeing on the floor or on her bed on purpose. When confronted she becomes combative and lies. I’m at a lost but my hands are tied. I want to help and leave at the same time. 😢

[Onthemove1971]

Welcome to the group.. Big deep breaths. The best thing to know is that children with ADHD are not making a choice to do bad things.

There are 3 tools that can really help children manage their symptoms: educational plan ( 504 or Individual Education Plan), medication and therapy. It takes a while to get things set up.

In addition things like parenting classes, sleep and exercise can also help.

But I know one of the biggest things I did was love our son. Telling him I do not like/accept bad behavior, but that I still loved him.

Best of luck and hope supports can be set up for this situation.

[CoolJ2024 in reply to Onthemove1971]

Thank you! I feel like my hands are tied because we are not married and so I have no say, per se. I am hopefully though that what I am learning and sharing with her and the materials I am sharing with her dad will eventually help.

[LisethHIS]

Good day, CoolJ2024,

Welcome! Thank you for contacting CHADD National Resource Center on ADHD. One suggestion is to provide your boyfriend with some educational materials. For many parents, it can be difficult to accept that there may be issues affecting their child. Sharing information might help him better understand the situation. Here are some resources that can help: chadd.org/for-parents/overv... and chadd.org/for-parents/evalu... chadd.org/wp-content/upload... chadd.org/wp-content/upload... Hopefully these resources are helpful.

If there is anything else you need, please let me know.

Best Regards,

Liseth

Health Information Specialist

CHADD’s National Resource Center on ADHD

chadd.org

[CoolJ2024 in reply to LisethHIS]

Thank you so very much. I am hopeful that what I am learning and sharing with her and the materials I am sharing with her dad as well, will eventually help.

[Imakecutebabies]

When ADHD was first brought up, I immediately thought "no way, next idea" because I didn't have an accurate understanding of what it was. Then I had another parent of a child with ADHD describe her kid and thought wait, they sound remarkably similar. Then I read this article and I felt SO SEEN. Then I mentioned it to our pediatrician and he was like "yep definitely."childmind.org/article/adhd-...

So, maybe share the article and other resources, and maybe also bring it up with the pediatrician for backup.

This is another great article:

understood.org/en/articles/...

[essajo]

hi [url=beverlyhills-therapists.com... hills therapists[/url]

hh

[Peerandparent]

There's a recent short on the "how to adhd" YouTube channel called "why adhd is often missed in women growing up" or something like that (shame I've never gotten links to work here)

The reason your partner is resistant to testing is unlikely to be a rational one, but rather an emotional one. There are plenty of people out there who hold intensely stigmatizing beliefs about adhd, so they might be worried about being judged as a parent, or that their daughter will be judged if diagnosed.

Try and figure out their reasons for resisting assessment, and try to use emotional arguments as well as the rational ones. Are there dynamics that you see in their relationship with their daughter? How is their daughter feeling about herself, her social life, or her capabilities?

I wasn't diagnosed until university, but I had my first panic attack at 6yo, and my first suicidal ideation at 8yo. I still struggle with my sense of self worth and capabilities today, despite presenting at multiple national conferences, excelling at my current job for over a decade, and having a phenomenal wife and two great kids.

Im not saying the 10yo is going through the same thing, but there's a much higher risk in kids with adhd to develop mental health issues.

As for you not having a say, I know how awkward those dynamics can be. Remember that you do have a say, as their partner, as well as someone who lives with and cares about their daughter.

Most importantly, don't give up. Hopefully you can convince them to at least get a proper assessment done, even if their only reason is to prove to you that she doesn't have adhd.

Also consider that they may have adhd as well (or at least did when younger) and is of the mistaken belief that their daughter's struggles are "normal"