Just starting to reach out for help for our 17-year old (adopted) daughter’s ADHD!

[HelpMyKidDrivesMe]

It seems like every day is getting harder and harder with my dear daughters ADHD. She wakes up most days with a really bad mood and being ‘mom’ I get the brink of it! I started to dread most mornings and she and I both start with a 20-minute meditation. What helps you?

[L26vb]

Mornings are tricky. We give Equasum ( UK brand of methylphenidate) before breakfast. Don't have time for disagreements when getting ready for school.

[2ADHDkids]

Right there with you...meditation first thing in the morning is such a great idea!! I'm trying to convince my 11-yr-old to do it with me. Just last night, I talked with her about trying it at bedtime to help her fall asleep. She said, "But it's so hard!" I told her I AGREE!! This is probably why it works when you practice.

Another thing I try is to shower her with love. Years ago, I spent a few days with friend from college once we both had kids. She's just an effortlessly positive and joyful person (in a non-annoying or toxic way bc she's so genuine). Every morning I was there, she would great me and her family with the kindest and warmest good morning. To this day, I remember how flooded with happiness her greeting made me. She was truly happy to see us. When I manage to emulate my friend, it can transform our mornings.

Similarly, showering my girls with specific praise helps. I force myself to notice all the things they've done right, instead of what they've forgotten/ignored/refused to do. This is SO hard, but it gets easier with practice. It felt like over-the-top at first and it needs to be. My husband and I react much more strongly when the girls do "bad" things, so we need to transform that into positive attention that's just as strong when they are "good." I wish I could shoot confetti into the air when they behave. Sometimes I now mime and make sounds effects to pretend I'm doing so. This morning I threw a marshmallow at my 8-year-old after she - unprompted! - carried up her dirty socks from the living room into her room. I know it's ridiculous to feed her candy at 8 am, but positive reinforcement is the only form of "discipline" that seems to work. Prevention is the only thing that works. It's so exhausting, but not as exhausting as getting to the brink and losing it myself. 😔

[GreenBlue22 in reply to 2ADHDkids]

Dopamine hits definitely help. I am ADHD mom, and have a son with it. I never knew why I felt something was wrong with me, but most women my age with neurodivergence now have CPTSD. Positive energy and reinforcement helps confidence, I had very low self esteem and am relearning self compassion. I like your idea, and have to do more of this for my son. I think boys are crazy as much as I love him he is very loud and pivot away from expectations he will do any requests easily has been hard.

[2ADHDkids in reply to GreenBlue22]

I have heard about Complex PTSD and it’s something I want to learn more about. I also had very low self esteem as a child and young adult…and crippling self-doubt that I was ashamed of. I was 20 before I ever shared this with a therapist (also the first time I went to therapy).

[HelpMyKidDrivesMe in reply to 2ADHDkids]

I started meditating with my girls at the end of fourth grade and they’re both now juniors in high school and we’ve done it all along! It’s huge in helping them with emotional regulation throughout the day but it’s just the mornings that are super hard.

[Scatter13]

I absolutely agree with the previous comment about showering with love! I’m working on it myself lol but I wanted to share with you a couple other things that has helped me with my 14yo daughter. One is for her to acknowledge her feelings, “are you hungry?” “Are you tired?” “Are you stressed or sad or anxious about something today?” Once she knows what makes her be on a bad mood then I let her know that she can do something about it. If she’s hungry, I make her eat. If she is depressed then I let her share her feelings and then let her know that is ok to feel that way but not all day. And so on, you get the idea. Second thing is medication, even know if was absolutely hard for me to let her take medication I see now that she has been taking it how much of a difference it has made! However just like everything and anything, medication might not work for everyone.

Last thing is YOU ARE DOING AMAZING! Remember that, just reaching out to figure out what others are doing, that alone shows how much you love your kiddo!! 🥰🥰🥰

[HelpMyKidDrivesMe in reply to Scatter13]

I like what you said about acknowledging her feelings! My daughter admitted to me that she was waking up super angry every single morning, but she had no idea what she was angry about. I told her that thats something she could explore further with me, and/or her therapist.

[Scatter13 in reply to HelpMyKidDrivesMe]

Let her know that it's ok to wake up angry! Then ask her if she thinks anything helps to change that in the morning, maybe once she eats breakfast that makes the anger go away, or maybe after she takes a shower she feels less angry. The more she acknowledge her feelings or thoughts, the easier it'll be for her to find what helps her feel better! Just take one day at the time, it's gonna be ok

[Mamamichl]

music helps me. Also quiet coffee time or time to talk to my partner over coffee about anything, including news.

[HelpMyKidDrivesMe in reply to Mamamichl]

I’ve been listening to hand pan drum music in the morning, so relaxing! Also Tibetan sound bowls music, that works too! I have been talking to my partner who isn’t there in the mornings and it seems really difficult for him to understand the challenge I’m going through with her. He’s not there mid week mornings and on the weekends she’s sleeping in a lot and doesn’t seem so grumpy by the time she awakens.

[Mamamichl in reply to HelpMyKidDrivesMe]

I almost want to say record it with audio and process the interaction with your partner. I did a lot of validation yesterday when my 10yo tried to get out of school because she tweaked her knee earlier in the week.

[TexasMom2023]

We started our 17 year old boy on Jornay PM. It has been a game changer. He has been resistant to all the other non medicated ways of helping himself. We also tried the medications that are taken in the mornings and that didn’t help. Jornay has helped him get his sleep schedule under control, so he is now feeling better which is helping him make some positive changes. Its been a long road!