teen adhd

[Yellow-flower]

hi guys ive just started to look for answers about my 16 year old sons adhd it’s been a hard road and doesn’t seem to be getting any easier,I feel like the things he says to me is mental abuse and after so many years it’s changed me I’m not the same person anymore and I’m always asking myself why is he like this then the other part of me knows he can’t help it and doesn’t mean it,I’m worried for future relationships for him as he can’t speak to people the way he speaks to me and his dad even his sister.He’s not under any doctors as he stopped medication when he was 11 he refused to take it so therefore doctors and services wouldn’t help (we are in the uk)there isn’t much help for adhd really and school he behaves well so no help that side it’s mostly at home towards myself and his dad and sister.I’m a strong person but I can’t get my head around how he can be so critical,rude and disrespectful as it’s not how he’s brought up,he has a good life here.I have constant put downs bad mum,bad parents,lazy (I work)bad cooking,not enough of this or that it’s relentless and anything that changes his routine slightly is like igniting a bomb,hates shopping hates anything we enjoy.I just want him to have a good life a good future he refuses to talk about adhd like he’s ashamed of it so won’t accept talking to anyone outside the house.He can be very loving thankfully as I never stop my affection towards him as much as I’m disliking him most days,I love the bones of him and he’s very good and kind with other adults though doesn’t maintain friendships we’ll probably because his opinion is the only one that’s right he says what he thinks and that’s it.I don’t talk to my friends really just my mum but she only sees the good side of him odd occasions over the years she’s witnesses the tantrums but he’s like split personality is anyone else’s teenager like this?any light at the end of a very long tunnel?

Thank you

[anymusic]

Understand your situation and the desire for things to change for the better! Hope it will soon!!

Just a thought, as he was unwilling to use/continue with adhd meds, were you offered to try any other adhd meds or other types of meds? Maybe what he tried was not right?

He seems to be a person who functions well in many ways. He deserves all the love and care you give him, be proud of yourself handling him so well! Perhaps the toughest years of puberty is right now.

[STEM_Dad]

I can understand. My eldest daughter* was very difficult ask through her teens. She wasn't diagnosed with ADHD, but knowing now that there are three presentations, it's obvious to me now that she has the predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive presentation.*(She is my stepdaughter, but I raised her as my own since she was seven.)

As a teenager, she was very defiant towards me and her mom. She acted much more appropriately in school (though she did have some behavioral issues). I think that's because most people will act according to certain social roles. (The dynamics and environment are very different in a school than they are within a family.)

My daughter also learned how to be very manipulative of people. (She mostly learned it from her mom and the sorts of friends her mom had from before we got married.) She figured out, as some kids do, how to play one person off another.

Keep in mind that a person with ADHD very likely has at least one other neurodiversity. In many cases, it's anxiety or depression, autism, OCD.

In teenagers, it's not uncommon to also have Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), which I'm certain was the case with my daughter. There's also a similar disorder called DMDD, Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder. (These can affect younger children, and I think that they can affect a person into adulthood, but these diagnoses are most commonly given during teen years.)

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Teenagers are also going through a major change in life during which they begin to define themselves more. Almost all teens go through this, and most aren't as disruptive. It's a natural transition from being a child of one's parents to being one's own self, beginning to identify more with groups outside the family.

.....It's confusing and sometimes tumultuous.

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If your son was better behaved on medication, then try to get him to see the sense in taking medication again. He might need a different form than he did before. Many children don't have the words to say how their medication affected them in ways they didn't like. A teenager ought to be able to express that better, to work with a doctor to find what works best with the least side effects.

You might also need family counseling.

[BusyBee86]

Your situation sounds similar to what I'm going through. My daughter behaves the same way towards my husband (her stepfather) and her sister. It got worse after her biological father disappeared from her life. The emotional stress on me has been intense.

I've been focusing on self-care and listening to affirmations to help me cope. Every day, I make it a point to find three things that went well. For every negative comment, I remind myself of three positives. When the verbal attacks start, I just walk away.

You're doing an amazing job, and I hope you never forget that.