ADHD/executive functioning coach for teens

[MysticEarth]

Hello! Does anyone have an executive function/ADHD coach for their teenager? If so, can you tell me what the coach does that you think is especially helpful?

We have a freshman in high school who is twice exceptional (gifted/talented with ADHD). He's in an honors program and getting As/Bs, though he doesn't spend much time on homework or studying or do so consistently.

The executive functioning coach walks through his to-do list and sometimes they spend the session quietly while our son starts assignments. Our son says it's not very helpful because he already knows what he needs to do. I'm wondering the same. I'd like to see the coach work with him on broader time management skills. For example, our son will waste hours on video games/online videos and try to start homework at 10 pm. He's not doing his chores, losing things, and leaving messes everywhere. I think he might be looking at videos during the coaching sessions, which are very expensive.

I'd like for the coach to help him estimating how long tasks (both academic and nonacademic such as chores) will take; scheduling time to do the tasks (keeping in mind his home responsibilities, extracurriculars, personal goals/values, and social life). Then later circle back to evaluate the time estimate and approach and work together to adjust strategies if needed.

I'm also concerned about my son's social/emotional wellbeing as he's having trouble keeping friendships and is seeking out unsupervised parties where there may be drugs/alcohol (though I don't have evidence he is using.)

I'm thinking of canceling the coach and setting up incentives for our son to meet regularly with teachers and use the excellent resources at his school. I'm feeling overwhelmed personally (dealing with loss of a loved one and health challenges) and am not sure I have capacity to monitor this. Or maybe there's an ADHD coach who could go a little deeper than that to-do list?

Please share what's been useful for your teenager. Thank you!

[Pema20]

We tried an EF coach for my daughter at about the same age. She was also in an honors program and getting As and Bs. She also did not like working with the coach and eventually refused. We’ve made more progress with parameters. We gave her a list of options for her chores and she picked what she will do every week. The deadline for completion is 5PM Sunday. She has to manage when they get done, but if they are not done, her phone gets switched off (we do this with Apple Family controls) until they are completed. This has worked well. Some families have a 2 hour electronics blackout every night. Your child can use it for HW or not, but it is always there. We just learned about this and I wish I had started it years ago. I like it, because it’s not conditional, it just is (and it’s for the whole family, not just your kids). Incentives never worked for my daughter and she likes to be in control so strategies that are just habit reduce the negotiating (at least once we get over the outrage). See if he will use an academic planner for scheduling meeting etc. my daughter would not initially so I started keeping a big Monthly calendar on our kitchen counter. She looks at it every AM at breakfast. I have found posting stuff on the kitchen wall is helpful. It’s better if they manage their own calendar though. Look at some of Leslie Josef’s stuff on studying and time management, you and your son may find it useful, I found her book useful. The website is Order out of Chaos.

It sounds like you’re having a tough time right now. I hope you have or can find some support for yourself. Maybe that needs to be the priority before you work on supporting your son. A few bad grades might be what he needs to see the value of managing his time and work. Hang in there.

[breezebay]

Have you heard of Coachbit? I began it for my son a few months ago when he (13) began really struggling in school. All due to poor time management, disorganization, poor study skills etc. Which in turn affected his confidence and he began acting out. I was really worried about his well being.

Now, Monday through Friday my son communicates with his Coach (through the app) at the same time after school for 15-30 minutes. They teach them to slowly build new habits in the areas they personally need the most work on. Here’s what I can say about it. My son was completely resistant to do it but after the first session he thought the guy was really cool and wanted to keep doing it. He is doing things he NEVER did before like using Google tasks, making up his bed in the morning, keeping his desk clean. But the biggest thing is he feels like he is capable. His attitude is SO much better than it was in August/September. I don’t know that that is completely due to his Coach but I definitely think it has something to do with it. If you decide to try it I would just say to be patient with results. It’s building small changes over time.

Second, I highly highly recommend the Impact Parent website. They have virtual training programs (pre-recorded videos) and counseling. Their podcast is Parenting with Impact. It has changed my relationship with my son for the better and taught me how to have my teenage son be open to help him work on developing new skills. We see where they need improvement but at a certain age they don’t want to listen or are just tired of us nagging. This has allowed me to see how I can help him without so much resistance and he is actually listening and working with me. They have several programs to choose from also focusing on EF skills.

Best of luck to you!