Task switching

[minecraftmuffin]

Hey friends, what do you all do to help your kids switch tasks?

My 6 year old is having a loooot of trouble with starting homework, getting dressed, coming to dinner, basically everything that requires him to be doing something at a set time. He'll suddenly need to reorganize something or draw something or anything at all that isn't the thing he's supposed to be doing.

I got him a visual magnet schedule since I've seen that's helped other kids but instead of sticking to the schedule, he rearranges it for a reaaaally long time, and yells when I try to redirect him. I got him a timer, but he just resets it or ignores it or sets it to really loud and puts it next to me and runs away giggling.

How can I help him do the task he needs to be doing and not whatever task grabs his attention at the moment?

Thanks!

[eva2022]

hello! This isn’t specific to ADHD, but I found the advice in the Calmer, Happier, Easier Boys book to work for my own son.

When my child is engaged in a preferred task, I walk to him. I sit down with him and ask him about what he is doing. I let him explain and I sit with him for about two minutes before telling him that it is time to do X, Y, Z. Then I walk with him to get the non-preferred task started.

It’s contrary to my nature of shouting, ‘Kid! Let’s go! It’s time to get in the car!’ …but it has been very effective at preventing meltdowns and engaging compliance.

[eva2022]

I forgot to say-my son also still struggles to do many of the tasks you mention. I usually need to be close by to him for him to get dressed, ect in the morning. I’ve heard other people on the blog refer to the help by being physically close as ‘body mirroring’.

One other thing that I learned from a friend was the idea of ‘surprise me’. Ie, I’m going to cover my eyes and I’m going to see if you can surprise me by putting on your shirt! I don’t use it often, but when I do it *usually* works.

[minecraftmuffin in reply to eva2022]

Thanks so much for your answer! I did the covering eyes thing once and it worked super well and then the couple of times I tried it after he said "I don't like that game. Don't do it again." 😅

[BLC89]

Hello minecraftmuffin,Welcome and good for you for being open to suggestions.

A few tools that have worked for clients:

Time timer - visual representation of time passing not just a ticking timer, available on Amazon of course!

Making a plan for transitions - time the transitions, have a couple steps like wiggle for a bit then visualize the next thing, or drink water or 2 deep breaths. Actively acknowledge you are transitioning. It gives their brain a chance to change gears.

Visualization can be pretty powerful. It tricks the brain into thinking you have already done it so doing it again is less unknown/scary/etc. You can have them close their eyes and you verbally walk them thru the action. Then open their eyes and do what they just played out in their mind. Closing eyes is also calming and reduces input.

Body doubling is an extremely powerful tool. You are just with them while they work. You don't have to be engaged in what they are doing just in the same space. You make a plan - ok I'm going to read this email and what can you get done in the 7 minutes that will take me? Can you get all the way dressed? Can you pick up all the dirty clothes? Have them choose an action. Setting a timer for the session makes it finite- sound like you use times already.

Leaving then alone, at any age, is too much. That type of environment is usually quite unproductive. Alone + task + ADHD = distraction city. Because the task is usually uninteresting and they can't override the lack of interest.

If they are balking at the timer it may be set for too long, the time set may feel overwhelming.

As a parent when you get the response "I don't want to..." I would respond with "good to know, however I didn't ask what you wanted I asked which task you are going to do." "Want" has nothing to do with it and when we get caught up in trying to convince them to want something we lose every time. It may sound a bit harsh, however, it makes it extremely clear that you aren't debating with them you are offering choices.

At other times ask what they do want. That allows for them to express their wants and feel heard in that respect.

Ask them for solutions. What can make starting homework doable? If you get the likely 'I don't know" I would respond with "ok, well if you don't have an idea we will use my idea which is..... when you have an idea we will try that." So it's not a punishment just not allowing the stalling technique of "I don't know"

Last idea, bribery - what will make it worth it to do homework? Screen time, treat, etc. Something you feel is reasonable. If you get a response like "a trip to Disney Land" they may be telling you that the task is way, way too much. How small can you make an action item (can be a fun game) and still move toward the goal?

I hope that helps,

BLC89

Full disclosure: I am an ADHD Parent Coach. I have been married to ADHD for nearly 30 years and raised two kids who have ADHD.

[Onthemove1971]

Thanks for joining the group, we all welcome you to join us for this journey of parenting with ADHD.

Just wondering if this isna general distraction? Or could this be "hyperfocus"?

They look similar, but hyperfocus is when a child is a wrapped up in something and.it is hard to tear them away.

Just wanted to see which you thought it was.

[MomofADHDBoy6]

Hi there. My son is almost 6 and I can relate! He HATES to change tasks, especially if he is really engaged in something he likes. I read the previous responses and I can say I don't do most of those lol! I have to keep things very simple, or I find I don't follow through.

So we try and stick to the same schedule every night after school:

Down time, dinner, desert, playtime with sis, sis gets ready for bed, then after that he does homework, then bathroom time (we have to schedule bathroom time because he has not mastered listening to his body yet and will have accidents). Then he gets ready for bed (one really piece of advice thing parents on here have told me is to get him dressed for school the night before. We used to have a HUGE issue with getting dressed in the mornings, soooo we switched to bedtime and suddenly he doesn't have any problems with his school clothes!)

The other thing we do, which we did since he was little, is 5 minute warnings. Sometimes I'll even do like a countdown...5 minutes....3 minutes...Ok 1 more minute until dinner...lol. Not saying this works every time but I feel it helps him know the transition is coming and has helped a lot.

I hope this helps! I think its really about trial and error, but I know this community has helped me with some big issues we were having and I hope you can find the same.